Welcome to the club.......... there's Facebook pages and other websites related to this very issue. There's also a group on here: [agnostic.com]
You may want to check out the Orange Papers - [orange-papers.info] The Orange Papers will demystify a lot of what AA really means.......

Here's a couple more: [atheisticaa.com] , [lifering.org]
There are alternatives out there for us.

I joined AA quite awhile ago... " I still drink, I just use a different name... "... jajaja.

Seriously, I joined AA... because it was the only (quickest) way I could get out of "the hospital".
Long story short... use it for a few (???) weeks... focus... in these few weeks, recognize "your new best friends" are struggling with their life, they need any best friend, which draws you into being their "best friend"... nothing wrong with that... helps you be honest with yourself... you gotta get on with life, I was a member for about a year... had another "WTF" moment... got out in one piece. Honestly feel that the masses are using "the group" as their social life... "a crutch" as they say.
Use it... but move on.

I got an AA in Addiction Studies before getting my BA in Sociology.

Anyway, when we covered the "higher power" aspect of AA, my professor said that a highr power does tno have to be super natural or god like. He knew of a guy who said his daughter was his higher power, and for another it was a kitten, and yet fo ranother he said it was his motorcycle. Odd as it seem these three Higher powers" did have one common denomicator. Each one evoked love and carign in the person who used it.

In a world where god often disappoints believers, even believers may do beter to use a higher powers that evokes their own feeling sof love and caring. Way too often god is lacking in this respect, when used as a higher power for purposes of sobriety.

Whatever evokes your strongest feelings of love and caring for something outside of yourself, that is your most likely best choice for a higher power.

For the Serenity Prayer, you may just want to omit the first word "god", and just use the rest as a mantra and/or philosophy to guide you in making life decisions.

In the meantime you may shop for a more nonbeliever friendly meeting. If you dont' have issues with gays, you might try one of their meetings, or if ynot then see if they have one at yoru local Unitarian church. Either woudl be more open minded about higher powers.

Hope this was helpful.

[secularaa.org]. I found online. I've had struggles like yours. Good luck and don't give up on yourself.

You never know until you drive 1:20.

There are LOTS of things to try if you are attempting to make a change. AA is 40 something on a list that I found that listed most effective first... Cognitive behavior therapy is MUCH more effective. (was trying and failing to find that list just now) Do what works for you. If you find support in the group, then by all means, GO. I had a pal who used another group. I'm trying to remember the name.
There's a lot of data here: [orange-papers.info] though mostly it is about ridiculousness in 12 step.

Also John Oliver did a piece on treatment centers here:

I wish you the best and would advise you to look into lots of things and find what works best for YOU.