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QUESTION Having seperate bedrooms: Would you be open to this?

I am. It's an arrangement I would prefer. There are numerous benefits. But I'm curious what other members think about having separate bedrooms.

Here's another article from a male perspective, although it's not as detailed as the article I linked above.

[psychologytoday.com]

VictoriaNotes 9 Oct 9
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33 comments

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0

This separate bedrooms lifestyle has potentials. ...intimates would need frequent intentional negotiations before doors are closed as opposed to instant pillow talk proximity. ....cat or dog allergies could be managed this way for those who sleep with SERVICE ANIMALS. ...however if my future mate requires this rather than a new experiment, a history of concerns may yet to be discussed during our courtship. ....maybe a 3rd common bed could be kept decorated as mutually agreed upon ?

8

This is awesome, and absolutely in-line with the theory of biological anthropologist, Esther Perel, who suggests that a little distance in a relationship creates desire. Seems to a be healthy version of independence without having to make the leap of living in separate houses or being poly-amorous.

I love this. I have trouble sleeping the way it is, and this rationalizes me not wanting to sleep with my significant other EVERY night. (If I had a significant other????)

6

I have a few friends who live in separate bedrooms mostly during the work week but feel their weekends are more exciting bc they "visit" each others bedrooms.
My ex snored and I hated it. We might have salvaged our marriage had we slept separately. I do like the idea of kinda missing each other but then again I love a big manly beast throwing his leg and arms over me while I sleep and keeping me warm

Im one of those weirdos who are saving up for a weighted blanket while I wait for a full time partner lol. I loved to be swaddled as a baby my parents told me so it kinda makes sense I like the weight on me. But u are right it can get hot! I keep my a/c on 69 when I sleep

6

Interesting question! If both parties find it works for them, then that's all that matters. Personally, I see sharing a bed as having more positives than negatives.

5

Ya know I've always shared bedrooms-like the intimacy-but I've slept by myself for 7 years-would be open to the thought now. Still want intimacy in the relationship.

4

I can't sleep when someone snores. It wakes me up. I would like to sleep next to someone, have some fun.. then go my own bedroom to actually sleep.

I snore and I know my ex would have loved separate bedrooms. It would have been fine with me too.
Before any of you smart asses say "maybe that's why she's my ex", that's not why. Haha

4

I personally wouldn't like that. I like the intimacy of sharing a bed.

4

Absolutely! I have terrible insomnia and sleeping with someone else just makes it worse. I need my room cold, dark and the only sound is the white noise from my ever revolving fan, not somebody breathing or (please no) snoring next to me. I think it also allows for some alone time, a space of your own and it often adds spice to romance, as many of the things you learn about someone in the bedroom are a bit of a turn off. A little mystery is nice.
As long as it isn't used as a way to escape.

3

I have two bedrooms. Would somebody PLEASE tell my cat to sleep in his and not to tap me with his paws when he thinks I should get up.

(I can't lock him out - he knows how to open the door.)

by now you should now he adopted you as his slave.

3

Yes! You both need space to call your own. You each need space to retreat to.

Sleeping together is still viable. Lol. Take turns in both rooms.

2

Creative Souls need those moments, those opportunities without interruption, jump out of bed, turn on the light, put on the headphones and go back to work in that melody. Mature Souls will understand nothing wrong with separate bedrooms. They Still Share a Life Together.

2

Doesn’t it just depend on your partner and if you sleep well with them? If yes then sleep together, if no the separate bedrooms. So clearly I don’t really have strong opinions on this subject.

2

For me it would be going against one of the reasons I am with another (There is often a sort of non-sexual intimacy involved). My parents slept separately because my dad snored. I went to another bedroom for 6 months with one partner because she started drinking and and I could not sleep with someone who was often inebriated. However, there is value in sometimes being apart. My late wife often traveled for work or for pleasure (often with her family-they were Iranian and spoke Farsi. I do not and these trips would be boring for me). This period alone enhanced our relationship.

2

My husband and I have a really nice king sized bed, and a really comfy queen bed in our guestroom; we do not have separate bedrooms, but sleep apart about 1/3 of the time. If one is tired early, snoring etc. or want to lie in bed and read, it gives us the space to do as we please. Whatever makes you happy in your relationship is what is right. My aunt lived in the same apartment building as her boyfriend for 36 years, they often slept over at each others place but never moved in together. They were happy.

2

My former partner and I enjoyed separate bedrooms. Worked out great for us.

J3sse Level 5 Oct 14, 2017

Thank you for the link 😉

2

I prefer sleeping with someone, I crave physical contact and taking in consideration my area, the only time you really get alone time is in bed at night with most relationships around here. I like being able to cuddle with someone, whether they toss and turn, snore like as loud as possible, or put off a lot of heat.

2

I think as long as you don't lose a romantic connection with your partner it's fine but be warned it happens sometimes without you even noticing.

It take a bit of tolerance on both sides if its worth it. But to me, my sleep is very important. They would need to understand that. I was in one relationship where he snored so dam loud, it would wake me up every night..I hated it.. I know for a fact, that was part of why we didn't make it.

2

I could see the pros and cons of this. Interesting, I guess it could work depending on the couple 🙂

2

Not sure, i could see how it would be nice tho

2

If a couple prefers separate beds and/or rooms, they should have them. For me, such an arrangement would have removed one of my favorite aspects of marriage: sleeping together. We were cuddlers, even in sleep. Sleeping alone again was a very difficult adjustment for me.

Zster Level 8 Oct 9, 2017
2

I'm okay with a woman having her own bedroom that is profusely feminine allowing me to have a "man cave" to snore blissfully in.

SamL Level 7 Oct 9, 2017
1

Seperate bedrooms, how about seperate states?

1

I spent several years of my marriage in separate beds and/or bedrooms. My wife had severe bipolar and it was difficult for her to cope. She needed to be alone. It wasn't always optimsl, but necessary for her sanity, and at times mine.

t1nick Level 8 July 19, 2018
1

Yes, I find I uncomfortable to sleep next to someone. I can do it every now and again. But for the most part I can't sleep well that way. And it's kinda nice for individuals to have there own personal space.

1

I definitely would, I have ptsd and if I wake up in the middle of the night with someone touching or breathing on me, I panic. I love cuddling and affection but I can't handle it during the night.

1

I think in Song of Solomon, scriptures read: " if 2 shall not lie together, how shall ye have heat ? "

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