I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

Be upset but let it go. Don't linger over other people's belifes. As long as she is happy let her be and realize that's all it was. There is no god for anything to happen to his soul. He is already into his next life and I'm sure he would have wanted her to be happy after he left his old life.

I think I would just view it like any other bath or shower, but likely soapless. As long as it didnt hurt him in any way, it was by definition harmless, right? I can understand you being upset because it was disrespectful of his beliefs, but I think I would have an easier time letting it go if I framed it that way.

I don't think that I would let what she did mess with your happiness. It is understandable what she did if she is one of the christians. Does not make it right. We have centuries of deep seated thoughts and ideas in our culture based upon christianity. I don't feel anger towards these people when I see or hear them say something or do something that contradicts logic and reason. It is a constant battle for us, but as they say down here in the South "it is what it is."
Just my opinion.

Hedging his bets no harm done.

They didn't save anything except (false) face. HE didn't embrace anything and they just put on a dog & pony show. Salvation requires personally embracing something; if he didn't believe then he went to his death with his (spiritual) integrity intact.

My father was conservative Christian his whole life and in his last weeks he began to doubt his faith, doubt his faithfulness to that faith, and became terrified that there wasn't an afterlife. My stepsister convinced him to relax and wait for it, but his decaying faith at the moment of truth was eye-opening. It's not like your father's wife did any harm, because she just wasted some effort on a person who most likely had no idea what she was doing. I wouldn't want anything to do with her now, but she was just being ridiculous and that's not worthy of being upset.

I think you have a right to be upset by it but I would caution you to consider her position as well. He is gone, no harm done to him. The rituals and ceremonies that any one of us does when someone dies can be a comfort as well. She had to live on without him. She did what she had to do to let him go with some degree of peace of mind so that she could get through the day, the week, the month and all that follows. Living in a mentally/emotionally tortured state eventually leaks out to those around her so be upset, but at least give a little consideration for her needs, too.

Upset yes, I am explicitly stating I do not want god even mentioned if someone chooses to memorialize me. But the good part is what your mom did means nothing, My mom just died a few months back and she was like me, atheist and did not care to learn what my brother the pastor or my brother the born again catholic. With Alzheimers disease Mom was lost and I wanted to donate her brain to research, My wonderful catholic brother hired a priest , would not donate her brain due to the resurrection mom was about to receive. I was pissed off and mostly hurt at the lack of sense or common good.

I was in the hospital. My parents priest showed up to give me a blessing while I had a toothbrush in my mouth (in bed). Apparently the LOOK I gave him convinced him not to come back and visit again. It's wrong to force your beliefs on someone when they can't defend themselves. But don't worry - a baptism doesn't "make you religious".

OH my gosh! I would be livid You are right to be furious, but don't let the anger consume you. It only hurts you, not the transgressor. Peace.

It's pretty amazing how people are when death are involved. Did it hurt your father, no. But I would be very upset if someone did that to me towards the end. My Grandmother died Christmas Eve Morning. We still had our family Christmas and my mom let my Aunt say grace and it was horrible. This is the same Aunt who was upset with me when I decided to tell my family I was an atheist.

A lot of religious people are selfish in this manner. They cannot live and let live. Think about it as a mass insanity. How can they justify a sky fairy in their own minds if someone rational is before them? She will say she saved him and her fellow believers will hero worship... ugh

I really REALLY hope no one messes with me like that. Sorry

What does it really matter? He doesn't know or care. My husband did not want any kind of religious ceremony; but when his brother asked for a prayer at his memoria!, the kids and I agreed. No one was hurt.We always thought everyone should honor others beliefs. Not validate, just honor.

well yes you do have a right to be upset she knew your father's beliefs and ignored them and forced her own beliefs on him. but I'd say put it out of your life holding on to this will only act like a cancer and rob you of you happiness.

I think the visceral response would be to be angry. But, fortunately, as an atheist, he just was washed and talked to a minister. No real biggie put in perspective, I think. Personally, if someone was that worried for my 'eternal soul' before I died, I would say sure, let's do it. I am gonna die, they have to live. If I can alleviate the mourning just a little bit by doing their ceremony, that is awesome, because for the most part, you are helpless, or at least probably feel that way, if you are in any condition to feel. Bad memories.

I always think that if there was a god, and I was still a good person-living my life to “do no harm”, then a loving god (isn’t that what is preached) would not exclude me. Or you, your family, your deceased love ones and anyone else. It’s just a bloody ritual. Dipping someone’s head in water or sprinkling it over. I would let it go. I’m sure your dad wouldn’t mind if he loved her.

I think because he lacked a sound mind, he wasn't really a part of it, and the only question would be if you think he, in a clear state, would have felt dishonored or humiliated by such a thing. I think out of love for his wife he might have been ok with it to give her some peace. I think we have to try to forgive this sort of thing because her intentions were good, even though religion in general leads to a lot of bad results.

You could always take the ol' pascals wager, better to be safe than sorry. But what she did really didn't harm anyone. As a nonbeliever, I wouldn't be upset at this. The woman was trying to pay her respects to her dead husband, just because you and her don't have the same belief in what happens next doesn't mean you should get angry at her for honor the dead in the way she wants. People have been doing that since the formation of civilization. I'd take it as a sign of respect and gratitude. She was showing how much she loved him and saying her "goodbyes". Not trying to piss off an atheist.

What she did made no difference to your dad and his fate. But in a way, yes, you are wrong to be upset about this because that increases your negativity. Let it go and you will be calmer and happier. She was wrong to take advantage of your father's inability to defend himself, but that is on her, not you. No reason to feel happy about her actions, but you might feel pity for her instead of anger.

This story touched me. I'm 74 and have copd and can tell as time goes by, that I get weaker. So I gave this some thought. I'm atheist and so is my romantic life love, and in all these years, she has been my pocket of rocks, (kept me anchored), always supportive, loving, always "there" for me. So..
I ask myself, what if, there was something she wanted of me, something that would make things easier for her, something that I might think was totally ridiculous, or even be totally against. I would want her to know that if it would bring her even one day of relief, she would have my full support, as she always was supportive of me. Of course that would exclude cutting off my penis, stuffing it in my mouth, and putting me on display, but short of that.

She did it for herself no doubt-There is no right and wrong. Life is short. Its up to you

I don't think that you shouldn't allow this to interfere with your current relationship and block the special bond that she could have with her grandson. It is a difficult situation, and while she may have done it for selfish reasons, you may never know. Your father may have had a 'special calling' in his last moments that led him to seek this, or wanted to find peace with his wife. My personal advice, if you do decide to seek out a relationship with her again, set boundaries. If you want your son raised in a scientific house, make it clear. If she has free time with him, be sure she does not abuse her power in an attempt to convert. I may be making a mountain out of a molehill, but you know how you want your children raised.

Well, since, sadly, your father probably was not aware of what was being foisted upon him, I would guess your mother's beliefs gave her comfort in thinking that she really was doing the right thing for her beloved husband? You shouldn't be upset, it was not aimed at you, might I suggest you simply regard it as the action of a - I guess - a desperately worried and genuinely fearful lady who thought she was, according to her beliefs, saving her husband from eternal damnation. Atheists of course, reject the whole concept of heaven/hell, but that is OUR choice which we hope others will respect as we respect their right to their beliefs (provided the don't try to force them on us!)