I need light shed on the interactions of white and black people. When I was younger before I met my sister from another mother, neither black people or white people fucked with me. I was too "white" for the black people and actually black for the white people. And in all honesty the black people were much more open for their disdain of my "white" behavior. When I went to college, I went to a school located in the "hood." North Philadelphia. The local, black non-students showed me more love than I ever experienced. I didn't act different and still a jab here and there but not enough that they didn't even want to hang out with me. So I summed up that the younger black people I interacted with were just immature. But here's the thing. The white people, still don't fuck with me. I pretty much get along with anyone around my age but the older white people, damn. My own white "parents" joined in the racial teasing; liked to compare my skin to that of mud and laugh about it. Over the past 6 months I have lived in the hood of West Palm Beach, Florida, after living in the all-white suburbs under my "parents" suggestion, mostly black people, a lot of islanders, and very few Spaniards. There has been so much love surrounding me here, it has been phenomenal. I have friends across races but I cannot lie that the comfort of black people is real. Growing up with white parents who wanted me to assimilate completely to Caucasian culture was rough. Seriously, I was in figure skating and gymnastics and they were very turned off by my being muscular and wanted me to lose weight. It seems like to me white culture values frail, weak women. I'm not sure why and I absolutely do not understand it. I was shamed for my body structure. Shamed for being well-endowed.

It seems because white people, particularly the older, Christian ones, are not use to curves that if that is your natural body shape, they no longer see you as human but only as a sexual object. And once you are the sexual object if someone wants to use you as so then it is your fault for appearance. So anyways, now I struggle with this idea that majority of white people are the devil and majority of black people are love. As I think about this its sounds racist. I still am surprised every time a random white person feels comfortable asking me a question or starting small talk because I have had these experiences where white people were like "get away." So I ask, What is up with that? How would you feel if you were in my shoes? Am I wrong for thinking white people innately have a problem with me? I really need some light shed on this. Very confused.