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Should I go for full custody of my child?

My ex-wife, though we are not divorced yet even though she moved out and long story short tried to take me to the cleaners and steal our daughter away from me, is using our daughter as a tool against me. Though this is nothing new, she has always used our daughter as threat, as a weapon, and method of control.
But when she left she got a really shitty lawyer that even she didn't like, lucky for me. I was about to convince her to put our daughter first, I bought her a house and amongst everything else my lawyer advised me against, I give her money every month.
I did this because lawyers are insanely expensive and figured it was better to give money to her than a lawyer.

But in the two years since she left I have continually tried to work out a schedule that gives us equal time with the child and she constantly complains that I am trying to take more time while she insists on a schedule that gives her more time.
When ever I bring up the issue she gets cold and says "You need to get a judge to decide" rather than just working it out like rational people. Did I mention that one of the reasons she left me was because god gave her a hug and held her hand and indicated she should not stay with me? That's the rational I am dealing with.

So as much as I hate the idea of getting a lawyer again and paying thousands of dollars to do the rational thing, I am thinking to just take it a step further.
As much as I want my daughter to have equal time with both parents, while I take her to the park and zoos and museums and the pool and amusement parks and girl scouts and school activities and library events and pretty much anything to broaden her horizons, Her mother takes her to church and leaves her to watch YouTube as she either sleeps or prays. I'm not saying that is all she does but that is the bulk of it. I am constantly forcing my will as an advocate to my daughter while her mother seems to use denying these activities to our daughter as a way to get control.
I want what's best for my daughter and I don't want to take her away or have her spend less time with her mother but I want control over my daughters activities that will never fall within a tidy schedule.
Simple things like sighing her up for girl scouts or gymnastics or events at the school or library that I want her to attend are clarified as my time even though I encourage her mother to take her.

Am I wrong to want control so that my daughter doesn't miss out? Would being given full custody even give me that control? Is it worth the fight or should I just hope the time she is with me is enough to make her well rounded.

It is maddening to me watching the summer days go by knowing that on the days she is with her mother she is most likely sitting inside watching tv or youtube or being taken to chuch since her mother goes 5-6 times a week for hours at a time leaving our daughter watch her ipad there unless she finds a friend to play with. I take her to the pool or the park or leave her to play with friends when she is with me, that is when I am not taking her to some event or program or other activity.

I know others have been through this so I am asking for your 2 cents.

ThomasLevi 6 July 3
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34 comments (26 - 34)

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No special knowledge here, but church going and prayers are a big plus in many cases and her lawyers will make her look a saint and make you look a risk.
Hire a lawyer to enforce 50/50 visitation rights, keep the narrative of putting the child and mother first and keep looking reasonable. Document the time and activity you have and do with your child. If she violates the agreement, serve her. Communication by lawyer only. Be patient- give your child quality experience and education and let her mother, mother the way she does. The child will choose you as the main carer, when they are older. Never speak badly of the mother in front of the child. The mother will appear unreasonable and unkind - document everything negative she tells your child about you. This will all help if you then move to the next step of full custody.

Livia Level 6 July 4, 2018
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Go for it! Your daughter deserves the better life.

0

Did you ever thing your ex wife might be doing more at home then you give her credit for doing?
Did you ever stop to think that your ex wife might be suffering from depression? Your daughter is not void of emotions. She will worry about her mother and miss her mother. Activities and distractions are not a substitute for her mother.
You haven't said one flattering comment about your ex wife. You did say some flattering things about yourself. You bought her a house. Well she gave you a baby. You don't hear her reminding you of that ever chance she gets do you?
Showing respect towards your daughter mother will prove more beneficial in your daughters life then a day at the library.
I suggest going back to the drawing board and start co parenting in a more humane way.
I don't mean to be disrespectful but merely present some hard truth.

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Should we assume that the estrangement between you and your wife has something to do with the difference in your religious orientation? I would offer that you seek out a process called a "Circle of Trust" (http://www.couragerenewal.org/approach/) Also, <iframe width="100%" height="166" scrolling="no" frameborder="no" src="[w.soundcloud.com];

0

So long as you continue to focus on your child and the best interest of your child you will do the right thing. I i don't know how old your kid is but since you wrote that the separation began 2 years ago in guessing the kid is older than 3 years old. If the kid is 7 years old or older you can have an idea of how what has already has happened has been effecting him/her. Some kids are really effected by the back and forth and others kind of enjoy it. Each separation is different between separating spouses and each kid processes it a little differently depending on the relationship the child feels they have with each parent and how relevant they have been made to feel in the entire mix. I wish all involved the best outcome possible.

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So long as you continue to focus on your child and the best interest of your child you will do the right thing. I i don't know how old your kid is but since you wrote that the separation began 2 years ago in guessing the kid is older than 3 years old. If the kid is 7 years old or older you can have an idea of how what has already has happened has been effecting him/her. Some kids are really effected by the back and forth and others kind of enjoy it. Each separation is different between separating spouses and each kid processes it a little differently depending on the relationship the child feels they have with each parent and how relevant they have been made to feel in the entire mix. I wish all involved the best outcome possible.

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I think the best thing for a child is to have 50/50 time with both parents. (unless one parent is doing illegal drugs or putting the child in harm in anyway) And that is how the court sees it as well. Quite frankly what she does at her moms is none of your concern, you can only be a super dad and try to make up for while she is with you. I guarantee your soon to be ex thinks she is doing right by your daughter giving her a religious upbringing! In the future your daughter will have both options to choose from- whichever way comforts her more in her adult life. It doesn’t matter our opinions of our ex’s choices in life, it will only make you crazy & unhappy if you obsess over it! I’ve been divorced 8 years with 50/50 custody and it took me a long time to learn this lesson. Just be the best you can be when she is with you. Teach her, talk to her and love her to pieces.

0

Sorry you married a psycho

Not a psycho, just a religious nut who had terrible parental roll models and no desire to do a better job than what she grew up with. I had great parents and still want to do a better job than they did.

0

No. You type too much. I have full custody of mine and I didn’t do shit.

Word

Look above...look below at all those long dragged out answers. This was easy to type. And I won. Lessons learned.

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