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My entire life I have battled depression. One of the main reasons why I don’t believe in God is because nobody should have to feel this way, let alone feel worse. I am approaching 40 and my longest relationship was 5 months. I’ve heard all of the cliche advice there is. I once wanted to be the father that I never had and start the family I wish I would have had growing up. I am barely hanging on to a thin shred of hope.

DominicG79 4 Jan 2
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11 comments

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I read something a while ago that reasonates well with me. “Happiness is NOT the DEFAULT human condition”. And that resonates well with me being the computer nerd that I am and knowing exactly what default means. Happiness needs constant tuning into. Working for. If you get my meaning....

NZVee Level 4 Jan 9, 2018

Uh, thanks I think.

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We are all born with differing mindsets. I don't have any answers for your depression Dominic, but I am forever grateful that I was born with the "glass half full" mindset rather than the the opposite! Whatever works for you.

NZVee Level 4 Jan 6, 2018

Nothing has worked for me. I just have to pretend to be okay.

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I feel like I am doing everything right, but still not good enough. I have felt like I have not only failed as a human being, but failed as a mammal for being unable to attract a suitable mate to carry my seed. I have failed as a living organism. Really, I am doing everything right. I have a house, a new car, a good job, education, no criminal record, I don’t use drugs or alcohol, I am a veteran, and I am not ugly. Yet I feel none of that matters and my life has no purpose. I work hard for nothing and nobody.

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Unless that doctor is an attractive woman with mutual attraction, they cannot help me. They are drug dealers.

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I understand and you are not alone. I too suffer from long term depression and it's a battle. My advice is talk to your doctor. I've been on two different anti depressants and oftentimes had to either change meds or change my dosage for it to continue to be effective.

I had been on more than two over the years. Nothing has worked. I’m not in a position to pick up and move somewhere with medicinal marijuana either. I really just need to get what I want, I’m not asking for much. I have everything else in life that I need.

@DominicG79 you may be kidding yourself into thinking a woman and family will make you the happiest man alive. I was married for 21 years. I must say ,many many many times in that marriage I felt more lonely and alone than any other time in my life . marriage and family complicate your life hundreds times over and it's not always good.

I have considered this and I have tried to count my blessings. On the other hand, it’s the only thing missing from my life.

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I have got help. It either has not helped or is not helping fast enough. I don’t need medication. I don’t need mor debt to accrue for something that is not working. I need to find someone and legitimately be in love. No settling, lowering standards, it has to be love. I am not asking for much. It should not be impossible. I’m not going to be happy without it. Everything else is a diversion.

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I've suffered depression and anxiety attacks for many years and im 56. you got to learn to live with it really.

I don’t want to live with it. No one should have to.

well, neither do i. when I mean live with it I mean get it under control to a degree.

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I feel ya brother. I too battle depression but I’ve found that my friends are always there to lift me up if I’m open and honest about my feelings. I use to think it “unmanly” to share my depression with my true friends. I was wrong. Being strong doesn’t mean you have to suffer alone. Share brother.

My friends all have significant others, families, etc. I distance myself from them because they should not have to lift me up all of the time.

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I do not know how my life experience could improve, or add to your own. I had treated my body like a toxic waste dump, and that reflected upon my friends and family. I poisoned myself spiritually too. I can't have kids. I had to accept that I am never going to completely heal...but that I must strive to do no harm anymore. I am content.

I don’t! I don’t drink or do drugs. I work out frequently. Yet, I don’t care if I live or die. It’s funny how people with a lot more to live for than I do take unnessary risks like drinking and driving just to have fun.

Living is the harder choice. I still pick it every morning I have that first cup of coffee and Pet my dog.

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I do hope you are getting professional help for your mental illness. In this day and age there is plenty of help available. Happy New Year.

NZVee Level 4 Jan 2, 2018

I have and it doesn’t help. I need what I need. They put me on meds and made me worse. Everything anyone can tell me is a diversion. Everything I do positive with my life is done in hopes to attract what I want. It hasn’t, so I feel I have no purpose.

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Please talk to your doctor. Some people have chemical imbalances and don't get diagnosed until they turn 40-been there done that. Then I had a genius in my life who suggested I go off my meds-major disaster-couldn'tget back on them fast enough. You need help. Please ask for it.

I have. They made me worse.

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