What is your one biggest red flag in a potential mate?
Mine is when a man says he would never go to therapy because it couldn't possibly be helpful, that he's too smart for that. I think it's a sure sign of narcissism.
Grammar errors.
Really? That's the worst thing you can think of?
I mean, I understand it can show a lack of intelligence, but I also try to leave room for dyslexic and multilingual people. My Swedish grammar is horrible...
@Nottheonlyone Technically an expression of faith is the biggest one. I figured that one was obvious because if where we are discussing this.
The next highest desire in a mate is intelligence so I have some fairly complex triggers for that sort of thing. I agree, not all grammar errors lead to a no decision as to whether I will date them. There could be linguistic complications which would cause me to ignore the grammar. It's a red flag, not a "stop all communication and move on". What I'm ultimately looking to determine is can this person have a conversation that in interested to hear.
I suppose after that it would be intolerance. That usually takes a bit of coaxing or lengthy conversation before it makes itself known.
@Nukdookum To me, anyone's biggest red flag should be a clear signal to tuck tail and run.
@Nottheonlyone As you pointed out any signal that is received could have a rational reason for happening. If the red flag is a lie: sometimes people lie about silly things until they get to know you, others are compulsive liars. Yes run from the later but perhaps giving the former a second chance could be something beautiful. If the red flag is smoking, maybe that cigarette you observed was a reaction to being nervous about meeting someone new but they are trying to quit. By running at the first red flag without trying to understand whether it's a one-off or a serious habit you may risk losing out on a wonderful relationship.
@Nukdookum Being willfully unaware of oneself is not something of consider a one-off, though. I've dealt with enough narcissists to know. I was raised by one.
Being rude to waiting staff, which reveals narcissism, entitlement, snobbery and general arse-brainedness. Conveniently, it's a tendency which often reveals itself on a first date.
I 100% agree to this. One of my exes families treated waiters horribly. I was often embarrassed to be out with them, so I would try to be EXTRA polite to compensate.
unkind to service people, children or the elderly
A mustache thicker than mine. I know it's shallow, but that is where l draw the line.
Well thats me out!
Mine would be when a woman asks me if I would be willing to go to therapy on the first date.
Ha!
They always show their pet in every photo and is always with them. To me that is telling me that their pet will ALWAYS be more important to them than I would ever be and if there were ever a conflict between me and the pet, I would have to go. Why get involved with anyone like that to begin with. Save yourself a lot of trouble and fine someone who will put you above all else.
I've not experienced that but my red flag is lies. I've had so many men lie to me, mostly just trying to make themselves look good. Later I find out that whatever they brag about doesn't exist.
A lesbian or bisexual who won't fully accept her own sexuality or believe that her relationship with.me is 'a real relationship.'
Smoking. I grew up around smokers and I don’t want to deal with that again.
Pushy manipulative types. Red flag. I have an ex who still tries to make me do things. Now his new thing is trying to make me please him by buying a road bike. And I should buy it NOW. Because he wants me to buy it NOW. And he wants me to spend a couple thousand on it. And he wants me to buy it at a certain store that he likes. He'll keep sending shitty manipulative little texts about my buying a bike as though pleasing him is something i still care about. I don't know what I ever saw in him.
With my mental disorder if I didn't have therapy, and actually use it I would probably be dead.
As far as a red flag,.. I guess it would have to be fake boobs. To me that just screams of some one who is not comfortable being who they are. That kind of insecurity is kind of a big turn off for me.
Just saying.
Just to let you know, my great friend had a double mastectomy and chose to have some new boobs inserted.
That, and when they literally shine because of all the paint they have on.
@weelittleone Actually, I'm glad you brought that up. I had not considered that.
Huge red flag if she plays the ukulele. ?
Serious answer: I'm wary whenever anyone is too interested too quickly, e.g., professing love after only a couple of dates or a few conversations, or starts talking about serious commitment before we've really gotten to know one another, or claims to be dying from cancer and blames me for it (actually happened, and we'd chatted only a handful of times over the internet, but that might have been an attempt at catfishing). So, I guess it comes down to anything that shows manipulative behavior of various sorts.
I gotta admit, I loved your intro!
Lack of empathy for human dignity. I know we all have our differences, but there are some things that demean humanity. And if you cannot at least acknowledge and honor another's, I'm out.
A man who's used prostitutes.
I guess that is a bigger thing in your country...