Honestly, I'm ashamed that we live in a society that that judges one's worthiness based on their occupation, particularly when it's a job that no one wants to do without. To work in the service or retail industries is to always be expected to have an exit plan, but if we all could and DID leave, then all of a sudden everyone would have to cook their own food, find their own products in stores, clean their own hotel rooms, drive themselves, and countless other things that we take for given. Nevermind that our consumer based economy would collapse like a paraplegic with a vanishing wheelchair.
Look; admittedly I don't know you. All I have to go on is what you've told us here and what I can glean off of your profile, but from what I see, you're a friggin rock star! Maybe even literally.
We live in a society that judges people based on how they make their money as opposed to how they live their lives. Don't let society's opinion of you dictate how you value yourself. Pursue the things that move you and your family forward; you know what those things are better than any of us. When the things that we tell you, as a community or as individuals don't resonate with that, feel free to throw it out with the rest of the trash. I know it's easier said than done, particularly given that social acceptance is intrinsic to the nature of social species, but take a look around... Society gets it wrong all the time, we've got our own issues that we can't get right, and you've got enough problems on your own without internalizing the idiocies of the broader world.
Know that you are valuable to those that matter and that you serve a valuable role in society, even if we're too egotistical to acknowledge it.

1. I spent ten years in restaurant kitchens and a really good server is worth their weight in gold.

2. I spent ten years in restaurant kitchens because I started working in restaurants and the inertia involved in work history locks you into a career track and no one tells you until the semester you graduate that unless you immediately enter grad school and start on the PhD track, the job market has no respect for social science degrees and the skill set that comes with it.

3. The longer you work in restaurants the more clear it becomes just how many people who act superior to you would starve without you because they lack the skill or time to feed themselves. And while it's infuriating they don't appreciate it more, that makes it no less a vital service.

4. the food service industry is abusive by nature and often excluded from labor standards like paid vacations, health benefits, and the like. After the last couple of jobs ended so poorly (at my last job I was working 55 hour weekends with 1 other cook and 1 driver in a pizza place that's open until 5am and delivers all over town, with 5 stations, two phone lines and a counter. And when I told the boss i needed more help because I was burning out hard he just cut my hours so low I couldn't survive anymore and so I quit) I decided now was a pretty good time to front burner and attempt to monetize my creative passions, so I've been aggressively working to finish worldbuilding and get the first manuscript for a novel series drafted.

It might be worth investigating your music or writing as a potential source of income.

Sounds like your doing ok .
I'd recommend using the ' ppl being judgmental thing ' to your advantage of course .
When ppl show you their judgmental nature , try being thankful that they showed that to you so you won't be wasting your time getting to know them or being concerned with their sanctimoniousness .

" America is a sanctimonious society of hustlers , everybody's got a scam "
Gore Vidal...

Hang in here with me... this is going somewhere, I swear. A guru of CBT came and gave a talk to those of us who were learning the method (and now I do CBT)... he told the tale of an unhappy man who was depressed. He was a janitor at a school and just couldn't get past deciding not to get an engineering degree 15yrs prior, and felt he undershot his career, and missed happiness. Guru had the guy take note every hour, on the hour of what he was doing at that exact time, and how he was feeling right then and there, for a couple of weeks. In looking at the list after 2 weeks, he saw that his at-home/bored time was when he felt down, and he felt useful at work and loved doing his job (hands on, fixing sinks, tangible outcomes, solving problems, etc). He had previously thought the job was unrewarding, and menial. He realized he was wrong. It was perfectly rewarding and fulfilling to him to be working with his hands. .... I'd be willing to bet that if you avg $23/hr...you're not just a server, you're a DAMN FINE server...probably one of the best on the staff. That type of job performance doesn't happen if you don't like the work. One doesnt excel at something one hates. Life is also about who we interact with, and how/at what level we interact. You are probably a listening ear or a cheerful smile. Is a one-on-one, personal interaction. Would life seem better without those hours of facilitating people getting the food they want, with all the banter, personal connection and immediate gratification when you recieve an extra good tip? A "real" jobby-job-type-job often removes the immediate gratification and you become a cog in a wheel. Some people find gratification in being a cog. Some dont. Just like some school janitors "just clean up puke"...and others "facilitate a healthy educational environment." If you rock at it, and it brings you happiness... Answer me this... do you need other people to respect the job title, if you find the job fulfilling and your life is otherwise damn fine? (This has been a little thought from a therapist based on very little info, and I may be completely wrong).

Yes, change your attitude about it. Nobody ever judges us more harshly than we do. And anybody who judges you about being a server has never done the job.

When someone asks me what I do, I usually say I mostly make inappropriate comments. If they ask me what I do for a living, I'll tell them.

I always feel ashamed of what I do earn a check. I always feel as if the world is looking down on me for washing dishes, selling appliances, digging ditches, whatever it is I’m doing. Mostly I don’t get over it. I go work, then come home, get drunk, wake up and do it all again.

Change your perspective and you’ll change your life, probably shouldn’t stop being a server though. If you’re good at it and you like it, you shouldn’t stop.

If it helps, I’m sure there are a few people working on the cure for cancer who feel pressure to “make something of themselves” too.

There's no shame in being gainfully employed. Any job that pays the bills and affords you and your family a life is by my definition "good".

That question always comes up fast in the US. In Canada and Europe (I heard) that question is much hated. Hard to please everybody (including oneself). When I say, I'm self-employed or a consultant, many think it's a way to mask that I don't have or can't get a job which is how it all started actually.
This will appear to be strange and shallow saying but the neighbour's grass is always greener in fact means grass appears greener when you look at it sideways not from above like one sees their lawn.
You've been through a lot. You're a survivor. You're on top so make sure you stay on top regardless of what others say. Maybe you could take advantage of you flexible hours to explore other stuff. (many would envy you on that level).
Glad to read that post because you're strong.

If you enjoy what you're doing and the living it gives you, be proud of what you do. Good people are in every field of service.

You have a really good job for all of the reasons you mentioned, and it's the sort of job you don't have to take home with you (literally or mentally) — and it's because of your efforts that people have a more enjoyable time when dining out. I have a job that people sometimes find impressive but, truth be known, I'm kind of miserable in my work and I find it quite stressful. I don't love my official job title, i.e., the one HR has on file for me, but I gave myself one that suits my job function better that I use in official correspondences (but that's a matter of practicality and doesn't change much other than my relationship to customers who need support). In my previous job, the title was irrelevant; I was more concerned with the fact that I was making so little money that I couldn't afford health insurance or regular trips to the dentist. Before that, I briefly tried my hand at selling knives door-to-door, but bailed when they asked me to purchase the sales kit (being fresh out of college, broke, and opposed on principle to giving a new or potential employer money for the right to work for them). And back in college, for summer jobs, I worked in a factory as a laborer, for a summer camp doing groundskeeping, and for a tree service helping to take down trees and clean up the site of logs and limbs. I wouldn't say I was proud of those jobs, but I didn't feel too self-conscious about them either. I think when I was younger I'd have felt a little differently about wanting a prestigious job or career, and it maybe would have bothered me to have a long-term job that didn't feel "professional" in some way, but my perspective over the years has changed significantly and I'd rather be happy in the work itself than focus on job title. My definition of success is very different now from what I considered it to be when I was 20. Now, if I could feel like I were helping people in some way and that I were good at my job without excessive stress, I wouldn't mind working pretty much anywhere that paid me reasonably well. (Money isn't my major motivation, either, but I do need enough to live and to plan for the future; beyond that, I don't need much.) If anyone has a problem with your line of work, or if they're fixated on your job title, they're clearly too immature for you. If you still feel like your job isn't prominent enough, I'm wondering if there's a way of reinforcing in your own mind that you like your job and to convince yourself that it's something to be proud of. For instance, maybe when someone asks what you do for a living you could say something like, "I'm a successful waitress/server." Or, perhaps, "I'm a waitress, and I really love my work because it is so flexible and it gives me time to spend with my kids that I wouldn't otherwise have, etc." I'm thinking by actually saying that you enjoy your job and/or that you're good at it, and verbalizing what you like about it, you not only convey that energy to others but also start to internalize it and push out any negativity you may feel about it.

I have struggled with depression as well. Maybe you can reframe this in the telling. A waitress , the word sounds boring. You make good money you guide people through a farm to table dining experience. As an example.

I'm in sales. So many people , even here have a very negative view on sales. I love what I do I help people reach their dreams, provide for the childrens future, help build local businesses etc.

Think about what you do for people and tell THAT story.

“When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down 'happy'. They told me I didn't understand the assignment, and I told them they didn't understand life.” - John Lennon. Sounds like you got it down.

I'm an academic advisor at a university. I help students figure out what they're doing with their lives. I can't say that I'm ashamed of what I do for a living, but I do face burnout pretty frequently and think about changing jobs. One thing that I struggle with about what I do is this: It took about 7 years of school, two degrees, and a boat load of debt to get where I am. My brother has a high school diploma and makes twice what I make at a tool manufacturer. He owns a home and land and has a family. I'm mostly just scraping by. I chose my job because I wanted to help young people transition to adults, and I love it. But having all this education isn't always what it's hyped up to be. I agree that it's a shame we live in a society that judges people's worthiness based on their occupation and even their education because we need people to do every job, or our society would quit functioning. We need servers just as much as we need people to produce tools just as much as we need people to help our youth. If you can't change your situation now, I hope you can learn to see the value in what you do. And in the meantime, you can start dreaming about what you would do and what you would need to do to get there. A dream can easily turn into a goal, given the right circumstances.

Sustenance provider? Fuel delivery engineer?

I think if you are good at what you do take pride in that. You do not need to do better and by the description you provided it sounds like you think this is a good fit for you.

I mean go and explore a career change but after spending all the money on a college degree are you going to feel that much better about what you do saying I am a nurse? (or whatever)

The vulnerability of this post is breathtaking. Thank you!

In my current job, I was trained a little over 9 years ago by a man who was in his second or third career. At one point, he was a waiter in a high-end restaurant. He said he loved his work, considered it a privilege to be a part of people's lives at some of their most important milestones, and wouldn't trade a moment of it. If it's something you do well, and you enjoy it, be proud and happy that you've found your calling.

No, I haven't and never will. Some people will always have an opinion and set the bar high for what they think I should've accomplished. What do they know anyway?.... If I know who I am and what I want then why would I care?. If you still feel like owe an explanation to whoever then don't tell them you are a waiter, tell them you are THE best waiter has ever been. Proud is everything

Hey, I'm an IT professional and I struggle to make a living sometimes. Of course, years of crippling child support payments contributed to that (another story). But with what you described, your general state of indebtedness, I would say you have a successful life.

Ok ..as a younger man I was a waiter in a posh French restaurant ..it was unbelievably difficult in so many ways..the pressure..the memory requirements..alertness..speed..accuracy..coping with asshole after asshole..praying the tips would be kind..

I finished college and got into I.T
Now using many of those skills in Stockfile Maintainance & Wharehousing in Retail industry.

But I still am absolutely sure that waiting tables was in so many ways the toughest, gruelling, soul-destroying, and most thankless job I have ever had.
I couldn't cope with it now.

I admire people that do. I for one look forward to meeting people that can stick it out..and take care of kids..and the multitude of other daily struggles life throws at people..

They have nothing to be ashamed of..they are rocks and pillars of strength IMO.

It’s a weird cultural question and it’s quite intrusive - “What do you do?” And parents would ask me as a child “what does your father do for a living?” I find them as rude as “Are you married?” and “Do you have children?” . I don’t know why there is a need to ask (or reply to) such stupid questions. The next time I am asked I am going to say I am a stripper - at 250lbs - that should shut their cake holes.

Why would you feel ashamed ??