Agnostic.com

12 3

Can empathy be learned?

A friend of mine wrote a book about her life and one of her comments was that she was born with an empathic heart and that empathy could not be learned. I disagree. What do you think?

  • 20 votes
  • 2 votes
KLMFTFW 5 Oct 13
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

12 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

It can be learned, but it is also intrinsically genetic, as some people are clearly born more empathetic than others.

I guess because it was not demonstrated in my childhood home life, I cannot conceive of it being intrinsic. It didn't seem to be innate in my being. Perhaps it was beaten out of me and I only learned when I was eventually on my own and away from my tormentor. If it was intrinsic in me, I did not recognize it for what it was and perhaps even thought of it as a weakness because it got me nowhere in the environment in which I was raised. Interesting idea.

1

From the film Full Metal Jacket:

The Drill Master berating one soldier (Pvt. Pile), “What’s your major malfunction, didn’t mommy and daddy give you enough love when you were a kid?” That was a shocking bloody end for the Drill Master.

Most battered kids will grow up without empathy. Why and how? A broken family, perhaps? You do the traceback.

Some people even if they had an enjoyable and charmed childhood do not have empathy simply because they’re not aware of this human emotion.

Some people are empathetic but at the same time detached.

Folks who are simply good-natured and well-mannered have the best ability to give or to holdback empathy.

Yes, empathy, like love, can be learned.

To quote our good member MichaelSpinler: “ yes as long as there is not brain damage.”

2

Thanks to all who responded. I have very busy lately with my atheist group so it's taken me a while to get back to this.

As an abused kid, I had no empathy. I was in survival mode 100% of the time so it was all about me and protecting me and taking offense at everything and fighting back by taking offensive actions. I eventually figured out that I was pushing people away right and left but I thought it was more about them than me. Eventually I went to therapy and got into the whole "family of origin" stuff and began to learn that the coping mechanisms I learned as a child were totally self defeating as an adult. With the help of my therapist I learned the whys of my behavior and how to engage with people in a more productive way. All the way (which took quite some time) I learned to put myself in other people's shoes and so I learned empathy. It was definitely a learned process for me and it took YEARS. In fact, as I continue to age, I find that I am gaining more and more empathy and I view that as a wonderful thing. I can connect with people at a very real level and offer genuine support.

I think empathy also comes from just growing up and recognizing when you make your own mistakes and you have to forgive yourself. As I learned to forgive myself, I found it much easier to understand why others might make the choices they make and to forgive them for their mistakes. I came to understand that what might appear to me to be "attacks" were not intended that way and that I was expecting people to behave as my mother had done when she attacked me multiple times a day and almost every one of her actions were presented as some form of attack. Once I truly understood that the rest of the world is probably not like my mother, I began to see everything differently. It was quite a revelation and I think was when I finally became a caring human being.

So, can empathy be learned? From my perspective...ABSOLUTELY!

2

Yes and if you do not learn it, Ma nature will kick your butt until you do.

1

certainly it can be. all you have to do is try to understand. try walking in someone else s shoes.

2

Yes, by learning what empathy is and why one should have it.

SamL Level 7 Oct 14, 2017
2

I think only when you are young. When you have been deprived of love, attention, and empathy as a child, the brain does not develop properly. Also, we see in many CONservatives that they are reactionary and only become empathetic when a situation effects them, and sometimes that does not even change their outlook on others. If someone has empathy in general, they can become empathetic about a situation that didn't effect them before, buy becoming educated in that area. Some people seem to lack the ability. I think that is why so many people are users and do not think about or care about the feelings of others.

2

yes, and it can also be lost

1

I struggle with empathy myself because I come from a childhood of authoritarian Parents and Grandparents who would make me feel like shit about myself for committing the slightest "sins". And most people raised in that kind of environment are going to rebel as they get older - as I did - which is going to make the guilt shaming worse and worse as time goes by... I have been an atheist for only a couple of years now and it has really changed how I view empathy, ethics, morality, etc. I'm reading "The Moral Landscape" by Sam Harris a second time right now and although its a tough read - for me - it has really opened my mind to this subject in ways I never thought about in the past. So my answer is Yes I do think empathy can be learned and practiced.

1

I think most of us that have it learn it as very young children; but, I think the lessons of life can teach to even adults.

1

I would argue that empathy is not instinctual and is learned as we mature and develop from childhood into adults. I would also say that the foundation of empathy comes about due to socialization and has been seen it in dogs, primates, and most if not all social animals. For an example of this click or copy the link below.

1

Most people as they grow older change, I know as I am now in my 40s think nowhere near what I did in my 20s or even my 30s, so people can change and that does include learning to be more empathic towards others.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:1424
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.