My fave meme..

Well said!

I've had too many take advantage of me as well; but, I have to be true to myself, even when I pay the price. I just can't do the manipulation and games.
There are stories to be told there - but not to everyone. They will be told privately, in trust.

At least I've learned something

I believe that there is a golden rule amongst con artists and that is "that it is impossible to con an honest person".
That being true we should pity those who believe in deities and realise that they are all dishonest.

@DerekD very ture! Rule number 2 it trust no one until they earn it

@Pooska there is a wonderful power attached to being truthful and not hiding things from people. It has been described to me as the power of innocence and creation of trust. If you trust someone and give them truthful information, & here I'm not talking of confessing to murder, but information such as "I give you my love" you are entrusting that person with something that is inherently valuable to you. The recipient is not being told that you love them but that they are worthy of receiving your love and are sufficiently trusted to properly look after it. If they don't that is not your responsibility that they have now disrespected themself by breaking trust by not ably & maturely accepting your love.

@FrayedBear maybe saying trust isn't the right word....self disclosure might be better i guess. I've lived through a lot and been on many adventures and the details of that journey are what I keep to myself until I get to know someone better.

People tend to mistake kindness for weakness. Like a tiger on a hunt when some burns me I never forget and wait to pounce when the time is on my side. I absolutely hate when people are taken advantage of. You are smart about protecting your intentions.

I understand what you are saying. I dug myself a bit of a hole with the last help I gave, hurt my back helping a neighbor/"friend". Never once called to see how I was doing, etc. so I found myself a bit resentful - a so not me attitude but then where did it come from? the neighbor/"friend" is a JW total believer? So I am working towards releasing that negative resentment energy and moving forward. It has helped the neighbor moved. LOL

Oh, I know this, and I have paid the price many times over. Some say I just haven't learned my lesson. I say, I haven't been able to tell my lesson to enough people yet.

Ok @wordywalt I understand your problem. However what is the percentage of socio/psychopaths in society? One in a hundred? Fifty? Ten? This is the glass half empty vs half full question. You are saying that you will allow one bad person in 10, 50 or 100 stop you from creating a "perfect" relationship with someone in the 9, 49 or 99 non socio/psychopaths?
May I suggest that learning and learning well how to recognise psycho or sociopath will stand you in better stead? [psychologytoday.com]
I note that lack of truthfulness is one symptom of a sociopath.

@FrayedBear My problem? What problem. I was simply commenting on the issue, not myself, and you decided to personalize your remarks inappropriately.

@wordywalt I suggest that failure to exclude yourself from being "one" does not allow you to argue that I personalised your remark inappropriately. But perhaps you claim that you are not human but alien? What are you trying to protect yourself from?

YEAH!! Sometimes my 'radar' fails me.

Thank you @Rugglesby we can all learn and in fact only stop the day that we die. Unfortunately in this snowflake era it seems that many are not taught that someone is always more clever, more knowledgeable, stronger, more skilled, etc. than themself. I shudder at the trauma & consequence for them when they meet that superior being.

Old is sort of okay, I get it comes with the territory but gravity still really pisses me off.

@Silverotter the effect of gravity can be partially overcome in water, the plastic surgeon's scalpel and to a lesser extent in bed. Hehe

@MrLizard My choice to read it but it was school curricula when I was about 13 or 14. I equally like Professor Cippolla's laws
[qz.com]

A bit of both, and other examples as well. I tend to call out bias when I see it, but I do do as. Rnrly as o can (I believe I can’t help if I am seen as an adversary). When faced with conflict, the question is’ am I defending others, or myself’?
If I’m stepping up for others, I try to suppress the vutterflies and say what needs to be said.
I do less when defending myself. In that area, I choose my battles.

But, I also very open when I care for someone. I have friends of Alina thirty years that took half that time to understand that I loved them, truly and deeply, without ever expecting anything physical in return.

So, man aspects come into play here.

A lot of times, people are not looking for help, they just want to be listened to, know that people care.

@Funandfondles That's true in a lot of cases. But sometimes really heavy conversation is inappropriate to the time and place. Like sharing a cab, or at a holiday party. Places where I either light banter or happy conversations are wanted. There is a time and place for heavy one-sided talks.

And that is something I have been known to struggle with, that’s why I’m glad I found this site, I have little to no outlets. Even my parents get uncomfortable when I talk to them, I won’t make that mistake with my son, he does not need to hear things like that from me, but if he needs someone I’ll be there for him. @carlyhorton

but - respectfully - you are never the 'reason' why someone else acts a certain way. They do so because of their own history, and how they process that history internally.

It's one of the four agreements - you are never truly the cause of someone else's actions.

@DerekD Oh I know--love T4A, btw--this just an awkward, painful phase and I don't expect it to last. I have some major stuff to work through. Until I make some good progress, it's damage control mode. There's only so much stuff I can deal with at once.

@stinkeye_a here if I can ever help, or be a compassionate ear.
Be well, my friend.

@stinkeye_a Hi. I just have things to deal with in a million different directions- it is driving me nuts! That is just it.

@splittingzero nicely said [ provided the fog is not an addictive agent coz then you'll need help from mentors to adjust]

@splittingzero that is definitely part of the calculus (I have undergone tx for depression in the past), but this circumstance is more situational and highly specific. Had I been socialized normally as I grew up, I would have known that people respond these ways, and it wouldn't be a problem. (I would also be a completely different person.). I had some recent experiences that opened my eyes to things about which I'd been wholly ignorant, and the resulting picture is one so disturbing that I'm still adjusting after a year. All over something that most folks take for granted or fail to be aware of in the first place because they grow up learning it. It's like a "dark night of the soul", when your understanding of how things work drops away and there's nothing left to stand on...except very specific to social dynamics.