One morning I put orange juice in my Moka pot instead of water. One of many fails in my life.

I'm sure it's something I don't remember.

Broke my ankle modeling nude for an art class in college.

One thing that comes to mind was, when I was young,having sex on a very old picnic table, and requiring my boyfriend to get splinters out of my back and butt afterwards. The lesson was not lost on me. We bought an oilcloth table cover to throw on and potential dangerous places to have our trysts after that. My mom decided to use it when we are outside one time, so we got a little chuckle out of that.

I accidentally skied down a professional ski slope while on holiday with my French girlfriend in France..

The slope was so steep I was unable to stop I was so terrified I screwed up my training and hunkered down only increasing my speed..furthermore I forgot to zig zag to slow my descent..

According to one of the medical staff on duty at the Aprés Ski..I came down the mountain like a bullet...whizzing straight past the Aprés Ski lodge completely off piste..heading towards the fenced road leading up to the entry gate to the whole complex.

I remember waking up and being strapped into a stretcher and placed onto a modified snow quad.
Also a lot of my blood in the pure white snow..which struck me as being pretty..must have been the concussion..?

I fathered two offspring before I realized how humanity was devolving.

There’ve been so many. I used to work for a hotel in reservations which was a phone job. We had these little headsets and could mute ouselves by pushing a button. I was having trouble making someone understand the room rates, so I pushed the button and said something like, “You are so stupid!” I then realized that I wasn’t using my headset and was holding the receiver. The customer then said, “Excuse me, did you just call me stupid?” Me: “No! No, of course not! I was talking to a co-worker.” Then I told the non-existent co-worker to let me finish making the reservation. I just knew that it was going to come back to bite me, but somehow it never did.

Unfortunately...none of my stupid stuff has been funny too....

When I was a kid I was pissed off at my dad so thought I'd get him with a practical joke. When he stepped in the shower I played really loud the intro of a Motley Crue song that's basically police sirens followed by a loud crash then turned off the volume. As predicted I watched as my dad hastily left the shower trying to place a towel and zoom out the door yelling what happened. It was a summer day so most of the neighborhood was out including our verrrrry religious and conservative neighbors. Needles to say the only person besides my self that heard the police chase and crash was him so as he stood wet and practicaly naked in the yard looking like a fool he returned to the house very angry. Lots of yelling insued and i was grounded. But later when my mom came home and he told her, still mad, her inability to keep a straight face during the story got him actually laughing. It's now one of our families favorite remember when stories.

Almost set our tree, and potentially our neighbor's garage, on fire in the middle of the night ending a bald faced hornets nest donned in a shower curtain, goggles with a grocery bag on my head, fueled by adult grape juice.

Wow, the list is endless

At school I once told my math-teacher (and the entire class) that we had eaten my homework for dinner, because I had accidentally written it on seaweed sheets which my rather alternative stepmom had charred and crumbled over our dinner... the whole class laughed their asses off and the teacher let it slide because I was usually very good with homework. It was my personal variation on “the dog ate my homework”.

I believed in a God, the system and dogmas. Freed myself from the matrix only to lose myself in the void! But oh have I found my true self! Hilariously stupid to lose one's sense of self. But once you find it, nothing can take it from you.

Hitchhiked from Portland, OR. to Santa Rosa, CA. to spend a weekend with a girl I had been dating during the summer while she visited Portland, only for her to dump me when I showed up in Santa Rosa. A little humiliating, but yeah, I get why it happened.

I relieved a co-worker who left his cell phone at work. So I texted him to let him know. I got the message.

married.