I have a confession, it might make me seem a bit off but Someone out there may be able to relate. Iv been having a terrible time providing for my ex, but I do it for 2 reasons, one she has nowhere to go until February, two I think it’s whats best for our son, but it comes with some issues I never considered. So she lives at my apartment and pays for absolutely nothing, she worked for a little while but still did not contribute financially, which in my mind would have been made better if she did anything other then say she’s watching my son for me. I have to argue with her to do things around the house. One day she made food for herself after I got home from work, and I told her she should have made some for me too, I mean, it’s my food. She walks around in her underwear and teases the hell out of me, it’s extremely unfair, she knows I’m a physical person. I was the one that wanted to talk to a couples therapist, but she’s afraid of going because of her anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts; that’s more reason to go! She has exhibited time and time again that she does not consider me in her plans or thoughts even before the breakup. She says she wants to split custody of our son without the use of the law after she goes to live with her mother, her mother claims to see and hear angels, mooches off her husband, and when I payed for my family trip to the Philippines, we got there and they left me alone at a house with nothing but sugar coated peanuts to eat all day in that nasty heat. When they got back from their trip they were mad at me for eating most of the peanuts. Throughout the trip I was told by her mother that the vacation was not for me, it was for her daughter and her son to visit family, she told me I was going to be a piece of shit like the rest of my bloodline, even though I was not raised by them. Yes my three siblings have issues, ones in a mental hospital, one is constantly making destructive and manipulative choices, and the other lives with his parents at 22 and can’t work due to depression, suicide attempts, a back injury, and anxiety. I heard that my half brother with Down syndrome was beat to death by his parents then they tried to cover it up by burning down their house. I told her all of these things about my blood relatives and I guess that was my first mistake, but I don’t have any of those issues and have not done anything wrong, while she has cheated on both her husbands, and orders her family around because she thinks she owns them after everything her husbands money has done for them, she also controls her husband. While I was in the Philippines it pained me to see the way people lived there, missing limbs due to large syndicates making them look sorry so you will give them money, and naked starving children crawling on broken cement sidewalks, I was not making many positive comments because I speak my mind. I tried to have a good time and succeeded occasionally but the trip changed me and I no longer got along with her family, that’s when she said she “fell out of love” with me. I experienced major culture shock, and the family was cruel to me much of the time, she said she was on my side when her mother said those things to me, but once we got back she decided her family was more important to her than right or wrong. Iv lived with her for 3 years as my lover, and knew she had issues, but that I would give her a safe place to heal from issues with her mother and abusive ex. I’m really stupid for falling in love with someone this wrong, but I don’t have many friends, and affection is really hard to find. At least I have a wonderful little boy out of it, I just hope things work out for him.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Sorry for the lag on this comment but this just popped up in my feed when I logged in. I read your post and all the comments. One MAJOR thing from your post that has not been addressed is her suicidal thoughts. A) Do you believe they are real and will she possibly act on them?
and B) Do you have proof in writing or recording that she is having suicidal thoughts? If the answer is yes to either one of these questions you need to notify the authorities. Is there a suicide hotline? Is there a department of children and families? Call someone to get her help and get her away from your child temporarily. Your child's best interest is the most important thing to consider in any domestic situation. If your actions show that you are decisively protecting your child's interest then the courts will be favorable to you and your lawyer will have an easier job establishing your paternal custody rights. But what's most important is for your son to end up with a healthy mom and dad. You can do this. Focus on your son's love and don't let any family noise distract you. I have crossed this "bridge of sighs" so i know there can be a fair outcome for everyone.
kensmile4u
Level 8
Feb 7, 2018
0
She only used suicidal episodes for attention, because she is manipulative. Whenever she felt like I was unhappy with her, she would have an episode for attention. There are no records of her suicidal behavior, and she stopped with the behavior for the better part of a years time. She talked to a therapist twice, then stopped, she was not interested in help, so that makes me think she only did it for attention. Whenever I called the hotline for her to talk to someone, she lost interest and got better....
Do what is best for you and your son's happiness and well being. The mother needs to go...she needs to take care of herself. You take care of you and your son. He will be happier and better off with you being happier when the ex is out of the apartment. Custody will get worked out, but right now you support him, yes? Just take your stand. Turn the page. You will feel a million times better afterwards. Peace and love to you and your son.
Izzie
Level 2
Jan 14, 2018
1
You're in a tough spot-I can relate. My daughter's father has never been able to manage regular employment since his rock star status crumbled 20 years ago around the time of our divorce. He befriended my boyfriend and they became working,drinking and video game buddies. When he was homeless we'd let him sleep on the couch and when my boyfriend and I had a fight they'd get a house together. This went on for 10 years. When I broke my back in a car accident my daughters father moved back in-the bf was gone-then I was diagnosed with leukemia. He took care of my daughter and when I was recovering-his health failed-tumor removed from his spine. He still lives in my house and is terminally ill. I know what you are going through-tough.
sassygirl3869
Level 9
Jan 13, 2018
1
Thanks
To be blunt, I am whining, things suck, and I’m sorry I posted this. I made appointments to see a therapist and a lawyer. Also I would never post this where anyone knows my name, and I need to change my open to meeting, I’m in a bad place to be looking for a partner, though I never held much hope for it. IM NOT AN EDITOR obviously, keep your grammar naziness to yourself, if you don’t get it then move on. When did I say I was married? I don’t believe in marriage, it’s pointless. Thank you for the less judgmental advice, I’m taking it, but his mother is no whore and she loves him too, she’s not a great mom, but she does not hurt him. Sorry my thoughts are mixed up, I did not write up a rubric, I just typed from my head.
Funandfondles
Level 6
Jan 13, 2018
0
Don't be so hard on yourself-excellent therapist and lawyer apts
Wait? She has 2 ex-husbands and is married right now to another guy? Were you in between number 2 and 4? Or does she have 2 husbands right now and you were just a boyfriend who had a kid with her? Your story is pretty confusing. You both obviously have issues. You are way too nice no matter the answer. She's going to take advantage of you because that's who she is. I don't mean to be insensitive, but you need to make better decisions. If she treated me a 10th of how you claim she treats you, I would have thrown her out on her ass. Don't feel sorry for her because she obviously doesn't give a shit about you. If you kicked her out I'm sure she would move on to someone else to try and manipulate them. She would probably be in some guys house.....and bed.....within hours.
Maybe you should also edit things before you post online. I know it's therapeutic, but strangers, and especially potential partners and employers online don't need to know certain details. It will protect you more until you want to let specific people know the more you get to know them.
Piece2YourPuzzle
Level 8
Jan 13, 2018
0
I see my wording mixed up my ex’s mother and her a few times, I dislike my ex, I fucking hate her mother. She manipulated me into baptizing my son as a catholic in order for us to see my ex’s side of the family.
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