Some definitions are needed to just understand general human nature. I agree that each persons should define themselves as far as gender or sexual orientation goes. Perhaps the question instead of "define" should have asked "what is your understanding of ..."

My intent was just to get people thinking about it, ins4ead of just accepting the cultural biases they had been taught.

You are right in that humanityh is generally much too divers for overly narrow definitions. Although I'd define sexual orientation by the gender(s) a person is capable of falling in love with, I'd feel dishonest to say that I thought anyone could more narrowly define it with much more accuracy

One thing I have gotten by reading the answers is the confirmation of my impression that the English language ius really inadequate when it comes to love and intimacy..

I have encountered Christians who tried to tell my my "gay lifestyle" was wrong. I simply explain to them that I used to date and hve sex with women, until I realized I only developed those feelings we refer to as "falling in love" with other men. At that point I determined ti would be immoral for me to continue dating women knowing they could develop feelings for me that I could not return. I had close friendships with women and there was caring, but never that special extra something.. and I always knew there was something lacking. Once I realized what it was (that I was gay and only developed that special something with other men), I stopped dating and having sex with women.

I tall can be very confusing. English lacks an adequate vocabulary to deal with sex, love and intimacy, which doesn't help. In the end we all just do th best we can to understand who we are and deal with life as best we can.

I absolutely agree. I also feel like we've never had a really good conversation about love or the different types of love (or love at different levels?): intimacy, compassion, passion, connection... We've left that conversation up to musicians and movie producers, and they're more confused by it all than we are... thereby making it worse for all of us.

Christians in particular are so comfortable saying, "God loves you" and then following it by saying, "You're going to hell..." never recognizing the irony of those two statements.

Language in general can be so inadequate when it comes to those big emotions... but, it's all we have at this point in time.

Yes, I agree that a great part of our misunderstandings about sex, sexual orientations and love is a lakc of an adequate commonly used vocabulary to which people can common refer to in order to better express themselves and what they mean.

If I knew how to bring such a vocabulary into cultural awareness, I would not hesitate to try to do so.

I myself ten dto write longer comments than most people. mostly because the English language is inadequate to espress what I think accurately in just a few words. Even thn, I sometimes get misunderstood.

I tend to think sex, behign the end result is the "easy" answer. My definition of putting the gender(s) for which one devlops feelings of falling in love as the primary determinant is postulated on the idea that we tend (mostly) sexually attracted to persons of the gender(s) we are emotionally attracted to. Or at least without cultural pressures to conform, emotional attractions would be the primary determinig factor.

sounds like the same to me my friend

@MrLizard Exactly.

I agree that each person should be able to define their own sexual orientation. I was just curious about how a person would go about or determine orientation, and by what measure.

I happen to be a gay male. I used to date and hve sex with women, until i realized that I simply do not develop those feelings which we refer to as "galling in love" for women, but i do develop such feelings for other men. I determined at that realization that it would not be "moral" to go on dating women knowing that they could deevlop feelings for me, which I would not ever be able to return.

I really love explaining that rational to Christians who are trying to convince me that my "gay lifestyle" is "sinful", and the looks they get on their faces when I tell them that by looking in my heart I realized it was the right and moral thing to do. They most often are at a loss about what ot say and they never try to convince me again.

Some people can fall in love with objects apparently, I can’t understand that sort of thing. Not sure if and how anyone could posses sexual desires for a wall, I’m not even sure it needs to be sexually appealing in every case of orientation. I think it’s similar to not liking sex, something I’m on the opposite end of the spectrum for, and I’m falsely referring to that as a different kind. Your question looks a lot easier to answer than it really is, it’s simple in most cases, but there always seems exceptions to the rule. @Lonely

To say you don't understand everything actually shows a great deal of wisdom.

I want to say thanks, but I still hate not knowing. I’m happy my post made an impression on you. @snytiger6

@Funandfondles I saw a program on folks in love with Love Dolls - also a guy in a sexual 'relationship' (kind of one sided in both cases) with his car. I'm ok with that - but do not understand it at all, Except perhaps as a way to avoid other humans. (Which I do understand!). I mean a nice car can run my motor but do I want to make passionate love to it? No.

@RavenCT in addition to learning how to put user names in front of my text, I also think I just need to accept that I can never understand, and just keep on letting people keep on judgement free.

@Funandfondles I swear I am having trouble with addresses the right person tonight? Might be some site updates? lol Anyway I always go with the "If it doesn't harm anyone else involuntarily" differences are ok. Meaning a Sadist doesn't get to be a Sadist with a Vanilla person. I mean the guy with the car? Odd. But other things hit me as "Odd" but make other people happy. And judgement free is a good place to be.

@Funandfondles Sometimes, I just gather information on a topic and don't make any definitive decisions about it. I leave my mind open on the subject.

About once a month, I go to a meetup.com group where various people and genders meet at a pub in Portland ((OR). In the last meeting, I finally came to an understanding of why some people refer to themselves as "Queer". It seems it is a category for those persons who feel that other labels and categories don't really fit who they are.

It seems our language(s) are/is inadequate to describe all the various possibilities because ti lacks a wide enough vocabulary to encompass everything. We cant' always find words to explain how we feel or to describe who we are, because not enough words exist to encompass the vast variety of humanity in terms of individual experiences and existences.

Se, we all just do the best we can, and describe things as close as we can, and sometimes have to make use of words like "queer" as a catch all when the right words simply don't exist, or at least cant' be found.

Because humanity is so diverse, it is pretty much impossible to nail sexual orientation down specifically.

In my question, I tried to differentiate between sexual behavior and emotional attractions, as sexual behavior does not always indicate ones emotional orientation and attractions.

I was also curious about asking this in a forum where religion would not have all that much influence on the answers.

I am in agreement with those who are saying that each person shoudl be able to self define their own orientation. I am a little disappointed that not as many people as I had hoped had actually thought all that much about it.

@snytiger6 I see you have a larger question. I know on a scale of male to female - I usually fall smack in the middle. The way I think and relate is right smack in the middle. (I also use my right and left brain equally). However I've never been physically attracted to another female. I can acknowledge someone is attractive - but it's not going to run my motor. So how I think - how I identify (female but not the average one... though many of us are beginning to fall more towards the middle) - and what I'm interested in re: sexual attraction - are all different things. Is that what you mean?

TO LENNY..... I do feel sympathy for " gay people " if many numbers of them have been forced to hide their sexuality, they must have endured feelings of guilt. That they do have, open, meaningful and loving lives together is wonderful. I am perfectly happy to say" I am not prejudiced " ........But I am grateful that it never happened to me..

@Lonely I am pleased to hear that you are now contributing to this subject, No, you will not be pushed out. Your contributions are appreciated.