Government Shutdown is over.

Technically it only lasted 3 days. But with this government, it's never really up. So I'm going to stay on as your Prime. Just to make sure.

It's really day 5 of the government shutdown then. And it's Tuesday!! What could be better than a Tuesday with no government to meddle in our affairs? Besides, I think I'm really starting to get the hang of this whole being Prime thing.

It's my first Tuesday as your Prime. Like any good government official, I'm about to go on a small vacation during our country's hour of greatest need. But it's for a good cause. I'll be out interviewing for a good First Prime

However, I won't just set my phone to voicemail and disappear. It's Tuesday and I'm going on a trip. As a result I'm in an excellent mood! Therefore I have something nice for all of you in today's decrees. I'll save the best for last.

1. Tuesday shall be "shoot an RPG" day. Every American shall line up in a single file line to experience the thrill of shooting an RPG. I can't think of anything more satisfying than blowing the bejeezus out of something. Please notice I said someTHING and not someONE. Refer to previous decrees about what will happen if you're an asshole.

It may take awhile to get through 300 million people but everyone will get a chance. Those who assist the disabled and elderly with shooting an RPG will get an extra rocket and can shoot twice.

I've decided that this is a good way to just use up the remaining stockpile. We won't be needing them anymore. I like blowing the bejeezus out of stuff but I don't like war either. Don't worry about other countries attacking us. Remember on my second day as Prime I legalized anything the Catholic Church called a pleasurable sin, freed the incarcerated, and put them in charge of the dispensaries of pleasure. Who wants to go to war with a country who's passing you a "J" and a hot honey to snuggle with while you smoke it?

2. All NASA facilities shall be reopened for the explicit purpose of giving every American a rocket ride to space and a free sleepover on the ISS. All my NASA fiends who have been called nonessential shall be essential again!

I bet you think I forgot about my promise to save the best decree for last. Any good Prime should hear the petitions of the people. Since it's Tuesday and I'm in such a good mood, this Tuesday shall be petition day. Everyone can have a chance to line up and sit upon the lap of your beloved Prime and make your petition. If you're really overweight or have hygiene issues we may have to rethink the whole lap sitting bit, but you shall be heard!

I may not be able to hear all your petitions because you may be busy blowing the bejeezus out of something or else you're on your way to space. And remember I can only hear Federal petitions. State governments aren't shutdown.

At the very least, if I can't hear your petition, I can give you a hug. I think that's something that was missing from our last government - recreation and hugs.

That is all for today. I am Prime.