Thank you.

The bad part is the double standard and it does hurt us girls. Boys get a pat on the back and cheered for the same conquest that labels the girl as damaged goods and if she gets pregnant in the process she is often left to deal with it on her alone as the boy runs off to another conquest to boost his ego and bragging rights.

The bad part is the double standard and it does hurt us girls. Boys get a pat on the back and cheered for the same conquest that labels the girl as damaged goods and if she gets pregnant in the process she is often left to deal with it on her alone as the boy runs off to another conquest to boost his ego and bragging rights.

I will be 57 in May and I think when I tell people this is the one thing I would have changed in my life if I had it all to do over again they are surprised. Those who know me ( but do not know I am an Atheist) think I am this good Christian Lady, afterall I don't smoke, don't drink, don't do drugs or sleep around. I t ry to be as honest as I can be in my dealings and relationships. The idea I would prostitute myself at all (for a one time only situation) really floors them and catches them off guard. I believe some years back a young lady did just that, auctioned off her virginity ( as soon as she was of legal age) and got enough to make considerable payment towards her college education. That alone would make it worth it.

First time for both of us so we had a lot to learn. I loved my husband and as the years passed sexual compatability was not an issue.

@Firelands -- I think when people are grown and mature adults that notion is really applicable. Do you really think teens and young, inexperienced adults are going to take the time to figure out what the like and don't like when it's the first time they've had sex? I read the original post as being about a virgin until marriage and what the first time was like. It didn't seem to me like she was talking about a long-developed sexual relationship where talking about sexual preferences, ideas, etc. was part of the experience. Did I miss something?

@BlueWave I don't think my comment was clear. I wasn't referring to a developed relationship, but rather knowing your own turn ons and offs, and if those pleasures are shared or at least compatible. I don't like pain, and that could be an issue if my partner really gets off on dealing pain. That's just an example. Really my line of thought is similar to the one below of test driving a car. And you don't buy a car which drives faster than you can handle.

@Firelands1973 Right. That makes sense. Still, @misstuffy wasn't relating to that scenario. She specifically talked about being a young married virigin and what the first time was like. Young, virgin, religious -- undoubtedly not fertile ground for discussing turn ons and offs. At THAT point in their lives. And probably it's the same for the majority of young couples, virgins or not.

@Firelands1973 my post was as Bluewave described it. The losing of virginity and not of an ongoing mature sexual relationship at THAT point.

One thing that was apparent to me when I read the Bible as a child was just how sexist the Bible was and it was very obvious to me it was written to give men power, riches, land and women and they used their God to justify it all. Including the rules regarding a females sexual status.

@misstuffy I am impressed with your understanding at such an early age. I never really read the bible because I thought it was boring old time shit. I went to church and the youth group because there were pretty girls there. Typical teenage boy. I didn't get smarter until my wife wanted to get married in the catholic church and I was willing because I was in love. The fucken priest wanted me to fill out an application and have my parents sign it and I was 22 years old. My wife to be said fuck them and we went to the courthouse to get married. That was when we started questioning religion.

I was 11 when I had my epiphany. My dad was raised Mennonite and insisted I read the Bible because I didnt want to go to Sunday School and Church because the stuff they were tellingme wasnt logical, even to a child such as myself. I was never able to get out of church nor was I ever comfortable there. Before I got through Genesis I knew I was right and this was a bunch of fiction as it contradicted itself on so many levels. ( I aced reading comprehension) The story about God's missing gold and how he killed every living thing in the village for not
telling him where it was, if you know everything and can create anything then why is this an issue, you know where it is and you can make more, unless of course, you really are not a God

Hopefully you raised your kids with the right information and that sexual feelings are a natural part of being human.

Hopefully you raised your kids with the right information and that sexual feelings are a natural part of being human.

Love it! Wish I had.

Historically the presence of the hymen was proof, except!!!! there have been hymens so strong that intercourse was possible with out breaking it. Maybe that's why everyone believed preggers Mary was a virgin when she was out to there.. she had one of those unbreakable hymens though Im sure childbirth would ha ve taken care of it once and for all.

because he sucks in bed?

@JiunnWong Couldn't answer anything about his performance ...

What part didn't you understand?

Why she felt that sex I asny ok outside of marriage. @BlueWave

Well I think you're tapping into a religious construct here and interestingly enough one birthed out of religious pride, and largely ancient in the sense of it's religious evolution. "Rape and pillage" (War against cultures) - this phrase comes to mind. And I'd elaborate further, but I'm currently drinking heavily. To simplify where I'm headed, the ideas current evolutionary form is best represented in the preachings of Shariah Law, in which some religious 'leaders' of Islam view sex without clothing on, as 'sinful'.

You are correct. Also by limiting a womans sexual partners she has no idea what good sex is or whether or not her husband is good in the sack or not. The attitude is Boys will be Boys and if they get "lucky" they get a pat on the back for their manliness while the girl gets labeled a slut. Not fair in the least.

Hear hear!! Well said -- @resserts, you were clearly reading my mind!

@misstuffy Yup! And that is why I REFUSE to label ANY woman a slut, whore, loose, easy, sleeps around, or ANYTHING that resembles shaming her for being a sexual human being.

AND, if somebody refers to a woman that way around me, I DO open my mouth!

A woman who wants to have sex -- as long as she is not hurting other people (lying, cheating, misleading, etc.) can have sex with whomever the fuck she wants to have sex with as often as she wants to and in any place she wants to -- just like men can!

@BlueWave I have a three bedroom home and most of my friends and family live a ways from me. As a result they often stay here with me over the weekend if they are here helping out and I learned I had a "reputation" locally as they assumed I was sleeping with all the guys. I was pissed so I assumed my most insulted posture and informed them very loudly I was not into incest and they were a bunch of gossips to assume the worst. These people are like family and often it was the entire family here to visit. My grown friend, his kids, his mom, etc. the same for my brother from Vegas and my nephews. I live in a farming community so these fundamentalist Christians are quick to assum the worst.

Responsible, as a farm girl I explained to my various nieces and nephews animals only have the urge to have sex when they can get pregnant and then I told them, think about that now.

I bet you would have. And the guy, let's call him John, would likely have some idea of what he was doing...

When you really think about it I think this would have been a much better deal for me when I was a virgin. I mean really, only the guys seem to get excited by being the first and they have this insane idea that the act of taking a girls virginity means THEY made the girl into a woman. Got news for them, we were born women.