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If a woman says, "Pick a place and time and let me know," and then ignores whichever part of my decision she doesn't like...

Or says something remotely disagreeable about each of the options I propose, in turn,until it's narrowed down to just one thing and/or one time...
Is this my imagination?
Wouldn't it just be easier to speak her mind in the first place and skip all of the convluted mental gymnastics?
Or is it my fault for not prescientally knowing what she preferred in the first place?

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CallMeDave 8 Sep 17
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19 comments

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2

I wouldn't say this to a date, but if I did, I would go along with what he decided. If he decided on his own, I would probably go along also. I prefer not to have to worry about it.

Roxi Level 6 Sep 19, 2018
2

I hate to tell you, this is how the system is rigged. Always has been, always will be. It's part of Darwinian sex selection. The female weeds out unsuitable candidates based on those who cannot guess her preferences. The unsuccessful male has no chance to breed with the female, and must move on to try and find another potential mate.
😀

I am so gonna love bachelorhood

@CallMeDave Oh yeah, it's the best.

But my marriage was worse.

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Easier job. Make a plan, have a B plan for a different mood, if she do not suggest anything else, go with the original or B plan, it will be an awful night, next time she will learn that if she don't say what she wants you will go on with the plan that is on the table.
Basally she asks you to make a plan, of course she don't have to accept, but in this case she must have a counter purpose.

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We are not all the same. I prefer a man that has a plan. That is one less thing that I don't have to think about. As long as I can get a salad, I'm set.

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As Admiral Ackbar would say: "it's a trap!"

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She wants you to do the "man work", but it doesn't mean she doesn't have an opinion about your suggestions. Or maybe she has a controlling personality and does it to get a kick out of that part of her controlling personality by shooting you down. I'm sure it can be annoying though.

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I don't think (?) this is a gender thing but some individuals have a greater propensity for it and it's likely to appear exaggerated with one spouse in a married couple. My wife and I have a similar issue picking a restaurant but we both become wishy washy in the car about making a decision on where to eat and the issue becomes disproportionate. We find it is important (for us) not to get in the car before a decision is made.

OCJoe Level 6 Sep 18, 2018
2

I don't think that it is a woman/man thing. I think that it is a passive aggressive form of communication that I have experience coming from both.

Agree.

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Just thinking in type outloud. If you both took the time to discuss what kind of cuisines you like prior that should narrow it down to start. For instance this is such a thing these days that in my bio am honest about not dating vegans or militant vegetarians. I don't want to deal with any of that.
If it means I'm single the rest of my life so the F be it.(go ahead, block me now people)

I'm probably only going to say no if a dislike for a certain cuisine(I HATE greek food, pizza) or a particular place with nefarious history.

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If there is simplace special my date wants to go that’s great. If not, I know some great places. I can make a decision and if it turns out badly then we can write the yelp review together🙂

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it can be awkward to make a decision sometimes im pretty sure guys do this to no one wants to pick the wrong choice when they are still getting to know one and other.I doubt there is much behind these scenarios other than nerves

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I have a couple of family members who do that all the time. Run, don't walk!! This behavior isn't going to stop, and it will spread into all areas of life.

1

I find it much easier to just tell it like it is - yes, or no.

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Or maybe she did not know what she wanted to do. I have absolutely done this. Not on a mean spirited way, but occasionally I cannot decide what I want, but have a pretty firm grasp of what I don't want. If this kind of decision making process is a pet peeve of yours, let her know, she's probably trainable.

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She's just rude! Sorry this happened to you!

@Gwendolyn2018 do you feel like maybe he was being pushy about the date?

@Gwendolyn2018 sounds about right to me, yeah unfortunately some of us women are taught that way! We have to unlearn that!

@Gwendolyn2018 awesome!! That's great!

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i don't do that. i don't have friends who do that. i'm a woman. some of my friends are women. maybe, just MAYBE, it's a rudeness thing and not a gender thing at all, but because you are a guy, you deal with a woman, and she happens to be rude so you think women are rude. this is, of course, faulty reasoning.

g

3

I don't relate to this at all.
Of course, I have been told at least 1000 times that I am "controlling", "bossy", and "too blunt".
LOL
Men, they want an assertive woman right up until they actually meet an assertive woman.....

@Wangobango3 ah...there's the problem. I would never ask anyone else to make the plans. Giving up that control would send me into seizures....

😉

@Wangobango3 Of course! LOL Just as I have the option of backing out if you refuse my plans...... muhahahahahahahahahahahahaha (Dr. Evil laugh)

1

That sounds like torture! Rude actually! I do not do that to anyone. Especially a man I am interested in.

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