Dear God,
I know you are very busy: your inbox must be quite full of prayers. Luckily you do the “all knowing”, telepathic thing, so not all people have to write you…because five billion sheets of copy paper; that would form a stack 306 miles high, is a bit tough to get through in any day. Considering there are around two trillion galaxies, each containing several billion stars, presumably almost all containing habitable planets filled with life, I imagine you are a bit overwhelmed answering our requests for personal favours. Overwhelmingly important prayers, like granting favourable weather, tax relief or cures for impotence, might seem a bit mundane for some of our former Gods, but we know you love us so much; these will not seem unreasonable to you. I hope you still have a few minutes left in the day for creation.

On the subject of creation; there is something I really need to understand about that book you wrote. Referring to the first three lines in Genesis…just how did you create the heavens and the earth first, as you say, without light? I am not saying you are purposely trying to mislead us, or that you lied but, I must say, in the last few hundred years we have learned a great deal about cosmology. We now know that light in the form of hydrogen burning, in the first stars, created all the heavier elements necessary to create the earth. I mean you are God, so maybe you have a few tricks up your tunic, but how did you even create a tunic without primordial suns exploding out the ingredients? It is such a small detail and I will forgive a typo, but if you are trying to teach us, you really need to be more precise: light came first and then you created the earth. It is a mystery I am hoping you deem us worthy to, one day, answer. Oh, and by the way, I don’t mean to be picky but wind also, being created by the suns convection currents, came after light; not before, as you stated.

While we are on the subject, I really need to point out, what some might consider, minor misconstructions in your narrative…

[1:11] Then God said, "Let the earth put forth vegetation: plants yielding seed, and fruit trees of every kind on earth that bear fruit with the seed in it." And it was so…

…You might think three billion years of single celled organisms are not worth mentioning; but you forgot that one day we would be able to read those details in places like the Burgess Shale and see that motile organisms preceded flowering plants: animals came before fruit bearing vegetation. I could go on… and will, because metaphors are fine when writing: I will accept that…but…we are no longer the puerile uninformed; so…

[1:24] And God said, "Let the earth bring forth living creatures of every kind: cattle and creeping things and wild animals of the earth of every kind." And it was so…

…when you say, “creeping things”; are you referring to the omitted dinosaurs? If you are, you already created birds which evolved from dinosaurs; who lived on earth for 150 million years, give or take a few; it is just a little confusing that you did not know we would, eventually, figure out the order life arose.

The devil is in the details, and maybe we can blame it all on Moses; but how long did you think it would take us to discover that the moon is lit up with reflected sun light? And not…

[1:16] God made the two great lights - the greater light to rule the day and the lesser light to rule the night - and the stars…

…I do hope you revise Genesis one day to reflect our growing scientific wisdom, granted to us by that spiffy invention of yours called a brain. I realize I am asking a lot from you: 13.7 billion years is a long time for even a God to remember all the sordid details of Humanities creation, and put it in book form. Since this is only your second attempt at communicating with us using the written word, I should probably make allowances. It is surely me being too finicky because, I know quite a few people who think your verses are just glorious the way they are.

However, they may have taken a few of your verses a bit too literally...

[1:28] God blessed them, and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it; and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the air and over every living thing that moves upon the earth."

…That one, particularly, has bestowed a level of unparalleled abuse and cruelty, upon your lesser creations, by us; so you may want to alter it somewhat… I’m just saying. I realize you already wiped out 99.9% of all life forms, in huge conflagrations of misery, before you got around to creating us. It is nice to know that you think Homo sapiens are so special, but I do not think the Neanderthals are feeling the love. So, you may have created humans in your image but you certainly show your loving kindness in unusual inhuman ways.

You must have a great sense of humour because, that one ...