It might help to recognize that your role is not to convince believers not to believe. We each have to find our own path.

Unless someone actively seeks out such a conversation, or is attacking you on some level , why would the subject even come up ?
Learning to be more tolerant is simply a matter of deciding not to let it bother you what others believe. Same way as you wish to be left alone about your non-belief !

“Speak your truth quietly, but clearly” Desiderata
If they want to listen, they will, if not, move on.

I'm usually okay about staying calm regarding religious topics, but there are definitely times when the lack of logic or reason gets under my skin and I want to throttle the other person. One trick that I find helps somewhat is to not counter their points but rather ask them to justify their position. Ask them loads of questions, open-ended stuff, and draw out their claims as ridiculous, contradictory, etc. You get to remain steady and clearheaded while the other person is jumping through their hoops.

I used to feel passionately about "serving the truth": if someone made an erroneous statement in earshot, I'd correct them. I was treating "the truth" as if it were a person with rights and an agenda, and deserving of respect--capable of being insulted.

I learned (painfully, awkwardly, slowly; over many years) that not only do others not appreciate having their ignorance or error highlighted, more importantly, no one's feelings get hurt when the truth is not served.. The truth is not a person--it doesn't get mad when people say Lake Michigan is the largest of the Great Lakes. I'm the one who gets insulted--and there's no reason for it.

Let them be morons. It doesn't have to be your problem.

First, there is no such thing as a rational discussion with the religious -- unless they are fairly progressive in their thinking. When it comes to fundamentalists of any stripe, you can forget any thoughtful discussion altogether. It won't happen. Especially not with the recently converted born again types.

The best way to handle it is like a fisherman bringing in a large fish. You ask them a pointed question. That's setting the hook. You give them a little slack (let them come back with their meandering, senseless answer). You ask another question (now you're pulling them in). Slack again as they mumble out a bit more nonsense. Keep repeating this process until they begin to tire and flop around aimlessly -- if they get that far.

The instant you try to make a point, you're in the water with the fish. Don't try to make a point. Your point, if it gets made, will be made by them. Keep them engaged. Keep asking questions. Keep the burden of proof where it belongs.

I don't know how much it will help you but, you have to remember that you're not talking to people who use critical thinking. Religious types believe everything on faith so, scientific facts mean nothing to them. You can't argue with someone who has no regard for factual information. It's pointless.

Why discuss it at all? I just go along leaving others to believe whatever they want.

I hurt someone I cared about very much, because I couldn't control myself. It ruined our relationship, and it took 5 years for us to communicate again. I remember how shitty I felt every time the urge to open my big mouth, without considering the other person's feelings, arrives. This has worked wonders for me.

I know. It’s very frustrating. It’s like trying to convince a toddler that the tooth fairy and Santa doesn’t exist. I don’t have time for children in adults bodies, who want to behave like small children with their irrational view with faith and toys. If you can’t reason with reality, I can’t reason with faith. End of discussion.

Yes, I have the same issue. I hate having made up fairytales thrown at me while the same people dismiss scientific facts. It makes me feel like I'm F**king crazy!

I usually just let it go. I don't argue well and if we get into it they end up feeling like they won.

It's not worth a discussion with them... trust me on that, although, I guess nothing is 100%

Give some thought to the rest of the equation. Why would anyone making emotion-based decisions have any interest in facts?
Before you castigate emotion as a reasonable solution, give some thought to how effective emotion is in keeping the human species alive and thriving. We need emotion, we really do. You have to honor that in your thinking. You're bright, you know how to think things through. Try it again, and factor in emotion as a good thing and see where that takes you.

It depends on who brings it up. There are people that want to either debate, fight over or avoid the topic. I only engage with people who are open to the first type. I abstain from quarreling with people over religion. I also don't want to push a topic that someone doesn't want to discuss. I find that reduces the likely hood of me calling someone something regrettable. Failing that I tend to ask more questions and if I feel like I need to make a point, I do. I try to do so calmly and on occasion a bit toothy. I try to keep insults impersonal if I make them at all. Never attack a person's character first, avoid it if you can. Usually the one to resort to such tactics first loses the debate.

Thank you for asking this. I have the same issues.

I just went through this last night and the conversation of course didn't go well at all...looking for that same advice.

Stop trying. It's like advising you're relatives to not smoke. I tried years and years ago to convince my brothers to stop smoking. They just got defensive, "we're all going to die of something!". Sure thats true, but my father died at 68 and died of several things and each one was directly linked to his 25 per day smoking habit.

They are too far gone, and have to find their own journey out of that deep misty dark forest like many on this site have had to do.

You simply cannot have a rational argument with religious people. Their whole premise is irrational!

I think you want to be more tolerant....
Keep and open mind and don't take shit personally.

No need to be less intolerant.

It wouldn't be a problem if you could have a nice discussion based on facts and reason. They ( the religious) mostly come from the emotion side, and it certainly is not rational. They don't tend to question, just accept it. Don't have any good suggestions on how to be more tolerant. With my religious family back in the mid-west, just don't talk religion and politics. I just leave the room.

I never bring it up. If it's brought up, my reaction depends entirely on the person I'm speaking with. If it's obvious that they are blind believers and will not acknowledge even the most obvious evidence then I simply refuse to engage in the conversation. If the person seems intelligent and open I can have a spirited chat with them, not expecting to change their mind, but at least to get them to understand my point of view.

The old "fight or flight' mechanism us humans have was useful, even necessary, when we were in a daily battle to stay alive. In dealing with modern day human interactions, it is usually harmful. I'm pretty sure over 99 percent of us have been there, wanting to calmly make our case, but that uncomfortable surge of anxiety gets in our way. The more I live the more I believe meditation and practicing mindfulness is the most helpful way to work on overcoming it.

Sounds to me like you are on the right track, or the same one I am. I just listen and try not to react. I DO have conversations with folks about faith but only with folks who can have a rational conversation. That might be because I have no issue with folks using faith as a crutch to help them through life. We all need help at times, I don't think it's rational but if it helps, what, really, is wrong with that?

If they are seriously bad and I just can't handle it, I exit stage left... or is it right? Whichever way is most convenient.

my best defense in any situation that seems stranger than truth is to make believe I am Margaret Mead just landing on a newly found island in the Pacific with a culture to be observed.