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As atheists, how do you feel about fidelity, within a marriage or a long-term relationship?

I've had relatives tell me that atheists can't be trusted in a relationship. (Of course those Baptists also believe atheists can't be trusted with babies!)

I've been an atheist since age 9 and I have always believed in one monogamous relationship at a time with a long break for self-discovery in between relationships.

Francoise 6 Jan 26
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43 comments

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15

I think those are the parameters that people decide within the context of their relationships. For some people, monogamy is absolutely the right thing. For others, open relationships of some degree are better. As long as it's mutually agreed upon and it's not under duress or for the sake of "saving the relationship," I see no problem with it. I don't think there's any sexual morality other than doing things safely and consensually, and what works for one person or couple or triad, etc., isn't necessarily going to work for others — and navigating that all comes down to honesty and strong communication.

BAM !!
what he said!!

BAM !!
what he said!!

12

Firstly, I don't believe that monogamy is natural behavior. Few species mate for life. Those species are the exception and not the rule. Only some humans are capable of mating for life. Those who do are also the exception and not the rule. I think fidelity is a concept that not everyone can force themselves to comply with. However, if you make the conscious choice to promise fidelity, whether through marriage vow, or just as a promise to your partner, you had damned well better keep your word. I place a lot more stock in whether someone can keep their promises, than whether they can remain monogamous, if that isn't something they've promised to do. I don't think it has fuckall to do with whether someone is atheist or not. There are plenty of believers who can't remain faithful to their partners. My point is, don't make promises you can't (or won't) keep.

10

I don't share some things very well, and that would be one of them. I am a one man woman, and I want a one woman man. That could so be made into a country song.

There’s nothing wrong with playing the field until there is a connection and agreement though imo

@Funandfondles Precisely! I don't let anyone isolate me until I want to be isolated.

10

I think fidelity depends on the person, not the religion. Most religious people I know talk out both sides of their mouth anyway.

8

Morals and integrity are not based on religion. How many high profile Christian men are in hot water right now because of their indiscretions?

8

Fidelity is a commitment between you and the other person, religion has nothing to do with it, how loyal are you to that person, would you betray their trust?

8

If I am going to enter into a committed relationship I will be faithful to that relationship. If I know that I can or will not be faithful in a relationship, I will NOT enter into a committed relationship. It isn't difficult to understand. If you are a gad-a-bout with the opposite sex (male or female) then just remain in a position where you can do that without hurting another person.

7

In the 24 years of my marriage, I have not been sexually unfaithful, nor have I had a close relationship with any other woman.

Fidelity is a two way street in several senses. First, if one partner is unfaithful, the likelihood increases that the other will also. Second, In order to promote mutual fidelity, both partners must treat each other with dignity, respect and caring. If one does not, the odds increase that the other will engage in infidelity to find real emotional warmth.

6

High Fidelity, for me.. When I’m in love, there seems little if any temptation. I’ve often felt ‘weird’ that way ..and it’s nothing I’d brag about around ‘the guys,’ but it’s been true. And, I like it, and miss it.. and hope to experience it again.

Attributing every ‘evil or immoral’ act to Atheists is the typical cheapshot of most religions … since they can’t present their mythical devil any faster than its corresponding god - they’ll point at an Atheist.

“Can’t be trusted with babies”..? Well - I raised two that would slap them silly for that one -- maybe that’s their fear - that we raise ‘em right! 😀

Varn Level 8 Jan 26, 2018

I think their concern is that we eat babies.
I just met my nephew's 2 year old for the first time, and all I could think about, most of the time we were together was hoq much I wanted to eat him up. So maybe they're right. LMAO

6

Does it really matter what other people -specially the ignorant- think?

5

Considering that it was a "good, Christian" widow that help my now ex cheat on me. An athiest can be faithful, while a religious person can break the vows. It's all about empathy and the importance of keeping your word.

Beleivers are nothing but simple fools

Bad spelling ...sorry

Christians are the last group to be trusted

5

It means everything. Without integrity, you’re nothing.

5

I depends entirely on the people in the relationship. If they're both (or all) fine with seeing other people, then that's up to them. Personally, I'm the same as you - monogamy and fidelity is very important to me.

Jnei Level 8 Jan 26, 2018
4

I do not see why being atheist or any other label besides religious should disqualify someone from being trust worthy, honest, moral or all around stand up person. Serial monogamous is how I look at it. If I'm in a relationship I do not fool with any one else and I expect the same, it is laid out at the start of a commited relationship. It is one of my pet peeves with the religious folks. their belief we can't be trusted. BS to that.

4

Of course, like most other questions of morality, it has nothing to do with belief or not in a diety. Personally I am big on integrity, and consider commitments important. I don't need an old man in the sky to force me to stay away from married men.

4

In my experience atheists tend to value the truth. Honesty and fidelity are typically traits that truth seekers would look for in a long term romantic relationship. As long as everyone in the relationship is honest, respectful, and are on the same page about their expectations a relationship can be anything they want it to be. Personally I'm a one woman man. If you are tempted by someone else you're probably not happy with your current relationship and should talk to your partner. If you can't do that then you are definitely in the wrong relationship to begin with in my opinion.

Kmohr Level 3 Jan 27, 2018
4

Being loyal to my wife is very important to me.

3

I don't think monogamy needs religion in order to work. It's fine if a couple chooses polyamory but for me, monogamy is special and I don't need a mythical creature or an old book to reinforce that.

3

"I've had relatives tell me that atheists can't be trusted in a relationship."

That's odd. Every married woman I've ever slept with claimed to be Christian!! lol

In Oz we sometimes do DNA for the . The score at the moment is 1/3 ain't the husbands! So if you are out tonight and she says she is a then........

3

Fidelity is one of my core relational values.

3

Can we use Bill and Hillary Clinton as our example? He was a womanizer right from the beginning.Monica was not the first nor only fling for Bill. Nor was any of it a surprise to Hillary. Yet ther marriage continues and appears as strong as many other good marriages out there.
In other words, they've found a way to make their marriage work. Isn't that really the important part? They made it work for both of them? And its looking like Chelsea has turned out OK too.

3

To me, it's all in what both/all parties agree on. As long as everything is up front, and all parties are in agreement, it's all good. Beit monogamy, open, poly, or whatever.
As far as an atheists participation in any of those choices, they should be able to abide by what they agreed to as well as, or better than a believer, just like in the rest of life.

2

Morality has little to do with religion and more about the character of the individuals. Fidelity is being faithful to one's promise. If I make the commitment to be faithful, inside or outside of marriage I am. Atheists can keep their word without the need of a fictitious superbeing to force them to do so.

2

This is just more of the "can't be a moral person unless you have a religion" (meaning a system of rewards and punishments) crap.

My first wife, who was Bipolar, was very religious. She told a friend, in my presence, that she knew she hurt people and was weak but ( a) god made her that way and so understood and forgave her. In her mind that justified her actions. Too often these moral people rely more on their being forgiven than doing the right thing in the first place. We atheists don't have that luxury.

I think the important thing about mistakes is to learn by them.

Hey Jack. I'm in the "married a bipolar person" club too. It's a tough road.

@TelegramMike There are medications but, with my 1st wife it was always the other person, not her.

2

If atheist's can't be trusted, Then why are there so many cases of infidelity, amongst the so called christians. I think people are people, if you are going to cheat, you are going to cheat, it is a choice, it doesn't really matter your background.

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