Sometimes helping someone is just enabling them. Her mother sounds like that she has emotionally hijacked her. Now on that note does she have a learning or emotional disability? Or has she just been really sheltered?

Looking at the comments now. The fact that she is autistic is extremely relevant here. She probably is truly limited In her capacity to manage some of the issues. It also adds a layer of complexity to parenting. Parents feel their child is not ready and so they don’t push kids to take on responsibilities that they actually could manage.
You might choose to act as a friend/mentor but this would not be an equal or fulfilling romantic relationship.

Oh dear. Unless she is intellectually/ developmentally disabled, it sounds like she is a physical adult whose parents prevented her from developing into a functional adult. This is all too common these days. Parents trying to prevent their child from ever encountering any risk or danger, consequently prevent kids from solving problems, negotiating conflicts, and otherwise learning all of the skills we need to function in the adult world. My parenting philosophy was that my job was to prepare my son to be a happy, successful adult. He is now (surprise!) a responsible, independent young man.

It is very possible the young lady has a form of autism. I have a friend whose grown step son has Asbergers and can not function on an adult level in the real world.

I had trouble with 13 year olds acting 13. The condition has not improved.

It sounds like she should be receiving SILS services. Do you know her mother? Is this young women her own legal guardian do you know? She needs help, this is not her fault, nor is it your responsibility to help her. But if you feel you can help her get connected with the services she needs you'd be doing her a huge favor. I don't know where you live but your county would have resources for her. In MN she would be receiving help living on her own and a staff person to follow up with her as often as the need is determined. People with Intellectual Disabilities aren't any different than us they want to be accepted too. By expecting more than they are able to do helps no one and usually just makes them feel worse about things they can't change. I work in SILS with Volunteers of America and I also an the Head of Delegation for our local Special Olympics. If we disregard our neighbors and not help where we can we aren't doing our part for our community. You don't need to be her friend and you are maybe not able to meet her needs but maybe there is something you can do to help her get help. The Golden Rule works well in all situations!

I think there in lies the answer, packaging skews the thinking process. She is a child, developmentally challenged and apparently can never be a companion in any sense. It was nice of you to try and help her but you can never be anything more than a babysitter. Be nice when you see her but I think she needs more help than you can or want to give. Just my opinion.

I just can't with those people. It's not my job to "fix" anyone. Once someone is an adult, it's on them to sink or swim. Some people need to grow the fuck up already.

I dated someone once that was living in the 19th century. I said "once".

You can help her by not "helping". Also she sounds a bit manipulative. Women are just as capable of being sociopaths as men. If that is the case, please refuse all contact from here on out. Trust me, lady. Just now rebuilding after 3 years with one of those. It does not get better and all they need is the slightest slip in your resolve and they are unpacked and digging through the fridge before you have time to hide your wallet.

My only suggestion is to kindly suggest that you consider working on your own possible co-dependency and not being a rescuer. Be a friend, of course. But, enabling and rescuing is not helping her to grow and mature. (If there are true cognitive disabilities, that is another ball of wax.)

I’m sorry man

Sarahroo29......you are so cool........straight-up PEACE!!

I think distance yourself from her, don't be rude, be polite when you see her, but don't get entangled. She doesn't know any different and may not be able to learn any different.
She doesn't have many friends or opportunities to do things I guess, but you can't let her attach herself to you.
I am almost 60 and have a group of youngsters I supervise each week. A new one is 23 with a weird background. Never been to school and his druggie mother has pretty much been his only contact all his life. He works with me 2 hours a week and i am relieved when it is over. He is not at all intellectually disabled but very awkward to deal with. You have your own life to live, this girl is not your responsibility, she is her mothers responsibility and that of her carers. Just pull back and focus on other things.

Actually, I have more trouble with the smarter ones. Innocence of thought is more precious to me than intellectual pomposity. I would never abuse such a relationship. Goodness and kindness are lacking in the sophisticated world of the very smart. Appreciate and protect the innocence of the cognitively naive. They have a gift for the rest of us to cherish and learn from.

Your friend sounds developmentally disabled.

You are under no obligation to be anyone's friend, period. If you find a relationship injurious to your peace of mind, adjust it or end it. You can't go around saving others with a hole in your lifeboat.

Why is it you want to be her friend? If you're getting some fulfilment from the relationship (and not the "I'm doing what I'm supposed to" kind), then try to make some adjustments. It sounds like you already have.

Be honestwith yourself. Are you trying.to be her friend only for her benefit? That's noble, and not necessarily a bad thing--but only if you can manage it without injuring yourself. (Refer to lifeboat statement above.)

She's not your responsibility. You don't have to feel bad if you end up deciding that you can't take it.

Set boundaries. No, I won't do that with you. This is what we can do together. Etc. Try out different scenarios until you find something that doesn't stress you out or make her cry. Be patient if you go that route. You know she's immature, so you can't count on her to always play along nicely. Maybe the only thing you do together is meet once a week to work on a jigsaw puzzle together and chat--or something like that--and maybe that's enough. Maybe you find that there just isn't a comfortable way to make it work.

Say it with me now: She's not my responsibility.. That doesn't mean you don't care, or you don't try. It just means that whatever you do, you're free.

The advice that I would give is... if you are keeping company with someone and you are having difficulty keeping yourself 'straight' in your own mind...that is going to be an unequal balanced relatiinship. You may or may not teach this person much, because this may be a brain limitation. So if you can share, without expecting much in return, it will take some of the pressure off. You must be prepared to give the most and if you are not up to it, it is best for all envloved to limit your time with this particular person. I was a private duty nurse for many years, when I was caring for others, I had to put my personal needs on hold. I had to give my patient my attention. Sometimes it was most taxing, so I had to make sure I got my rest and spent time with other people, that cared for me! All relationship are work, some more than others and you must decide what YOUR limits are. Some relationship are too much for us! I had to decline a few patients, because I simply was not up to what would be expected of me! Best of luck...

In my opinion with the way you are ranting a few chill pills from your doctor or a big joint is what you need