We were married for twelve and a half years. She cheated on me, but I was faithful to her. I take her at her word that it only happened once and she felt bad about it immediately afterwards. In retrospect, I should have known that was happening but I was dealing with other things and couldn't even begin to think that she'd behave that way.

When she dropped the boom on me it was all of a sudden. She refused to attempt counseling.

For close to a year I was really, really depressed. Only recently come out of it, started making some positive changes in my life. I'd be lying to say that I don't still get a bit choked up or angry about it from time to time.

As for the "Neo experience," I began noticing fairly quickly how many attractive single women there were in my age group. In my encounters with my ex after our split, I've noticed that I find her less attractive than I did before, although in e-mail exchanges I still see signs of her personality that I found attractive and charming during our relationship. Maybe she's returning to normal after running haywire for a time. Which may be too bad from a reconciliation perspective, because at this point, the divorce is final, after what she did I can never fully trust her again, and I'm moving on to a new phase of my life.

Married once for 23 years. She started hanging out with teacher friends at bars and you know what happens next. She hooked up with anything that moved. Then she moved out and moved one of her lovers in with her. I divorced her!! Best move I ever made. Didn't shed a tear. I transitioned very easily and gracefully into having my own life, free of her baggage. Funny thing was after a year of being divorced I decided to date, online and I ran across 3 of her dating profiles where she was claiming to be involved in Interior Design and Architecture and was claiming to be as much as 9 years younger than she really is. She's a Middle School science teacher 12 years older than me!! Crazy.

Married once, 19 years including 2 years legal separation, counseling attempted but don't think she was up to it, infidelity involved, mea culpa, didn't took long, I knew the consequences, I saw no point in bitching when I was at sea, why she open up my package from my unaccompanied tour in greece and found a poem (when time is a prison) dedicated to my favorite kitten with a drawn rose by the verses, according to her, I never wrote her something so pretty. I had been writing since age 14, I knew that sooner or later could get me in trouble so I always been true to me and on my side. So I negotiated an unaccompanied tour to Germany during the legal separation. Some Lovers are better at hello... others better at goodbye. I am the Goodbye Type. I love beauty, I adore women. I never had what could be considered a mistress. I learned my lesson. No blame to be distributed around... all my fault. But I don't keep altars for fallen generals. I moved on quick and without remorse. Is what I know. Is what I do.

I have been involved in several long term relationships which have come to an end. One I initiated, the rest were by mutual consent. No anger, no animosity. If a relationship isn't working for one partner, then realistically it isn't working for either. If the relationship has worked well at some point, you should still be able to talk things through - tell each other what is working and what isn't. Don't be afraid and don't hate, be honest with each other and ask yourselves are you just delaying the inevitable. Are there children involved? If so, do you make the extra effort for them - and don't be fooled that they will not notice - they will know if all is not well.

I have been fortunate. I have never had a messy divorce and I still have good relationships with all my ex partners.

Not sure if I qualify or not because it's complicated. I thought divorce would be the worst thing ever but having nothing but marital maintenance sex got to be demoralizing after a while. (Yes I tried to find solutions but nothing worked.) So when the "worst" happened after 18 years and I was caught, I felt devastated, anxious but also relieved I was never going to have sex with him again. I had/have no sexual attraction to him any longer whatsoever. So when he gave me the option of dumping the boyfriend and working on the marriage I declined. Not because I wanted to be with the boyfriend but because strict monogamy just doesn't work, not for me anyway.

It was definitely a matrix moment because I realized that sacrificing sex and sexual chemistry for other "more important" parts of a relationship doesn't work for me. I'd rather sacrifice common interests or be with someone who has more than his fair share of weird quirks. If that makes me shallow, so be it. I also realized maybe I'm (and any men possibly interested in me) better off if I stick to open relationships or something only monogamish not monogamous, with someone I can be completely honest with without the fear of my primary relationship exploding if I reveal too much. I also never want to hurt someone else like that again.

I have accepted that the split is necessary, it's for the best but I hate that I hurt him and I still miss certain things in the relationship. Not sure if that qualifies as being at peace with it or not but I am happier now than before (and I did not expect that.) We've been separated for one year and 3 months.

1. 10 going on 11 years. 2. I asked for counseling on 3 occasions, but he refused. 3. He was definitely having an emotional affair with an ex co-worker, but I suspect it turned physical before we were separated, after which he stated that he was then “in the clear.” 4. I couldn’t eat, so that wasn’t a factor...lost 20 pounds just from anxiety and stress. I guess I coped by going into action; any time I’d go to a store, I’d take out some cash back and stash it. I started buying tons of personal care/house products like shampoo, razors, soap, laundry detergent, and stashing that stuff at my brother’s house. I just figured I’d need the $$$ more for bills, food, my kid, etc. and not the kind of stuff listed above. 5. The anxiety/sleeplessness/etc finally started to subside after he finally moved out of the house. For a month and a half after I guess we were technically separated, he was still living in the same house under advisement of his attorney, and it was literally hell on earth. Yes, I know we don’t believe in hell on this site, but you get what I mean. I really started feeling better about things after I got a new job and knew I’d be ok. 6. We had minor issues, very minor, but nothing that couldn’t have been solved with counseling, and probably just really talking. But, as stated above, he refused. See also: affair.