Whether you’ve heard the word “cuckold” from English poet and playwright William Shakespeare or from white nationalist punching-bag Richard Spencer, the meaning is usually negative. The term describes a man whose wife has cheated on him, calling into question his masculinity. But a new analysis now casts cuckoldry in a new light, as psychologists who focus on sexuality say that a remarkable number of Americans find pleasure and empowerment by entertaining and engaging in cuckold fantasies.
In an interview with CNN on Thursday, clinical psychologists David Ley, Ph.D. and Justin Lehmiller, Ph.D., along with sex advice columnist Dan Savage, shared the unexpected findings of a national survey they conducted.
In preparation for Lehmiller’s upcoming book, Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How It Can Help Improve Your Sex Life, Lehmiller surveyed thousands of Americans and found that 58 percent of men and about a third of women had fantasies about cuckolding. To be clear, this means they fantasize about their partner having sex with someone else, either while they watch or while they’re somewhere else. This doesn’t mean they’ve followed through on the fantasy, though.
Ever since the term came into being, at least 700 years ago, it’s had a negative connotation. In recent years, though, the term has been taken a step further. Cuckold — “cuck” for short — has taken on a political, racial dimension in the past couple of years. It’s been adopted by the white supremacist alt-right movement to describe conservatives — or “cuckservatives” — who are seen as less strong or “alpha.” The racial component, applied to those who support left-leaning policies that supposedly favor the rights of immigrants and minorities over those of white Americans, implies that a white man would rather his wife have sex with a man of color than protect the rights of white Americans.
In that context, being a cuck is seen as shameful, and even downright un-American. But along with Ley, Lehmiller, and Savage, other prominent voices have arisen to challenge the idea that being a cuckold is something that is disgraceful or negative. Notably, Jill Soloway, creator of the TV shows Transparent and I Love Dick, told Inverse in 2017 that being a cuckold can actually be an enlightened, feminist act since it helps to return sexual power and agency to women.