Microcosm of the future relationship
“I would make an excellent sous chef,” Stuart bragged on the phone. As a retired attorney who doesn’t cook, he was arguing against this part of my profile:
“Although I’m a great cook, I’m not willing to do all of the meal planning, preparation and cooking. Everyone loves the magic words, ‘Dinner is served.’”
Recently Stuart spend three days at an Air B&B in Wenatchee. I took him for a walk on the riverfront, and a four-mile hike around Icicle Gorge. I was raised to be a gracious hostess.
Through online dating, I learned the default for men who don’t cook is to sit while women slave in the kitchen. Stuart sat on his butt while I made three meals a day.
Breakfast was particularly galling. My food got cold while I repeatedly popped up to slice pears and set items he wanted on the table. I wish I had said, “Get up and get it yourself!”
Worse, he criticized my cooking (salmon was too dry at the thin end, my roasted almonds were not dark enough, wrong oatmeal, ad nauseam.) This was rude and ungracious. When someone cooks for me, I never criticize the food.
“Where did he take you out to dinner?” my hiking partner Karen asked. “Nowhere,” I replied. “He never took me out for dinner, nor offered to help pay for groceries I bought.”
“He’s a cheapskate,” Karen replied. “Everyone knows you take your host out to dinner. That’s just good manners.”
FLUSH.
3
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15 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.My mother once went out with a guy who thought it would be nice to go to Washington Square Mall in Portland, Oregon for the date. My mother was getting hungry and asked if he was also. He said let's go into the Cracker Barrel (or like store) first, after tasting some samples he turned and asked if she was still hungry. Thought you would like this tale, my mother tells it much better but she passed 11 years ago.
dalefvictor
Level 8
Oct 6, 2018
1
I agree, he is a cheapskate, and has bad manners. I have been guilty of those things; it isn't necessarily permanent. However, someone will have to train him. Perhaps his mother set a bad example; mine did.
EdEarl
Level 8
Oct 5, 2018
0
The only person I can change or control is myself. Don't blame his mother. It was his choice not to learn how to cook.
If you can read, you can cook. Buy a cookbook and follow the recipes. Eventually, you'll feel confident enough to improve recipes.
My mother hated cooking. When I was 18, Mom gave me "The Joy of Cooking." Read it cover-to-cover. Especially love the "About" sections that explain how to cook different meats, fish, cakes, pies and breads, canning, etc. I still refer to it.
For 25 years, I subscribed to "Cooking Light" magazine, until the cilantro epidemic put me off. Learned to make bread from "Laurel's Kitchen Bread Book- A Guide to Whole-Grain Bread-Making."
Cooking well takes practice.
@LiterateHiker You are correct; it isn't your job to try to change him. I meant, he wasn't likely to change on his own. He is an adult, responsible for his actions, regardless of how he became the person he is.
Thank you.
Probably thought he was a gift from an unspecified diety to you. Gee,wonder why he is still alone? Maybe he should look in the mirror and say, "There's the problem"? Unbending,not showing appreciations for your efforts,I see a lonely life for him....
When my wife was alive she worked at a call center, so I knew when she would be home,dinner was either hot,or just coming out of the oven for her. Guys,It's easy to cook,show her you care,the rewards are worth it.
Mike1947
Level 7
Oct 5, 2018
1
From what I remember reading in previous posts, you seem to be attracted to these types........
Dhiltong
Level 8
Oct 5, 2018
1
No, I am attracted to intelligent, funny and athletic men.
Republicans try to hide their beliefs, knowing I would reject them if I knew. Many older men want a mommy and great sex.
The truth always come out. In my profile, I wrote:
“Although I’m a great cook, I’m not willing to do all of the meal planning, preparation and cooking. Everyone loves the magic words, ‘Dinner is served.’”
@LiterateHiker You should change your handle to 'Literal Hiker'.................Just teasing!! I figured you had enough replies calling the guy a jerk. I'd put some smiley face icons here if my desk top had them..............
When invited to dinner, friends know I arrive 15-20 minutes early.
"How can I help?" I ask cheerfully. Rolling up my sleeves, I wash and chop vegetables, assemble ingredients, set the table, uncork wine, dish up food and find serving spoons, fill water glasses, etc. Afterward, I clear the table and wash dishes.
"You're a lifesaver, Kathleen," friends say.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Oct 5, 2018
0
At the least he could have offered to clean up...you are just too nice and patient. Use those hiking boots and kick him out the door...
thinktwice
Level 8
Oct 5, 2018
1
I read these things and wonder how these guys get dates and I can’t. I always either cook or take a date out to dinner. Never ask them to pay for anything (don’t refuse if they make a fuss about paying their own!).
Barnie2years
Level 8
Oct 5, 2018
2
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