I once asked my devout Catholic father if he had it to do over again, how many children would he have (he had 5). He looked at me and said that he loved every one of us. I told him that I know that, but how many would he have. He said two, maybe three. I didn't have the heart to ask which ones would he have kept.

@kiramea It would not have been any choice of his, it would just be random chance.

I agree completely. I absolutely love my children but if I had to go back in time, I don't think I would have had them. I feel horrible saying that but it has just taken so much of "me" out of me.

U always wonder why people feel they have the right to "change" the other person's mind

It's funny you said that. Part of my reason for posting this is that I'm starting a serious relationship with someone who has three teen kids. Oh dear lord what have I done lol. I know for the first time in my life what it means to be "IN LOVE" a concept I always thought I understood, but I recognize now what the difference is between being in love and loving someone. With Christine, I am in love with her, I love her and like her, as my best friend, so there's no doubt she's worth it.

I'm so sorry your husband was misguided, @UrsiMajor, and know that you are not a freak! It's a shame that it's sometimes so hard to be true to yourself.

I agree with @Lauren. Your husband was not honest about how important it was to him. Plus, people should NEVER think that they can change, persuade the other person, it just leads to trouble later.

You are better off...believe it.

LMFAO I heard those same exact words, and I feel the same way you do everytime I'm in a department store I thank that none existent God that I was spared the kid bullet.

Well the thing that did it for me is that my mother put a curse on me (being hyperbolic.) When I was about 16 my mother said, "Just wait, one day you will have a kid just like you and you will be in my shoes dealing with a person just the way you are now." She said that tongue and cheek and not in a mean way. I immediately said "Oh no I won't," She laughed thinking I was kidding but I was completely serious.

@paul1967

LOL, My mom said the same thing to me when I was a kid. I had one child and stopped. Mama didn't rais no fool. LOL

Thank you! It's genuinely not that I don't like kids I just don't want the responsibility that NEEDS to be there when you make that commitment. I think it parenthood was forced on me I'd be a good father, but given the choice, I would rather be an excellent uncle

Just to be clear for someone who might read this, they can't refuse but they can force you to have a year of therapy before they do it.

@paul1967 You were really young to make such a final decision - but people make even bigger decisions at young ages. I don't think waiting one year with - I presume a therapist to approve what you wanted? Was a bad thing. Sounds like a decent Dr? Just in case something had scarred you into wanting that and later you would have changed your mind, - My best friend growing up liked dolls way more than I did - but knew from a very early age that she did not want children. So I'm aware it can be an feeling formed at a very young age. - Good luck with those teens! They can be brutal. I speak from knowledge of my nephews losing their Dad to Cancer and than my Sister started dating. Oh boy! They do love the fellow she married - but the poor guys before that.

@RavenCT I was ok with the therapy. I've been going since I was five years old, so it was old hat for me. The insanity was that they think it's ok to send me to war at 18 to kill people I have no issue with, but I need a year of therapy to get a vasectomy, and I told them that. All I got was a shoulder shrug which I found to be insulting.

@paul1967 This thought occurred to me. Was with a driver the other day and he talked about being in Viet Nam and not being able to drink. It's just backwards. They actually came up with a low alcohol beer for these people were he lived I think it was Ohio? And yes you were being dismissed. That's insulting.

You might be right, or maybe he/she will be the cause of the destruction of the universe. My point is this world is full of parents who had kids thinking they would grow up to be successful, independent, wonderful adults. I look around, and I don't see much of that. I will say that had no part in my decision not to have kids

@paul1967 Hey if you want Mankind to end with you. Go ahead... pull the plug, push the button... We Like it Here.... We Like our Children... and We Love The Joy They Bring Us. You don't need to be participant and that is okay too. It is your life. Enjoy your life without them. I enjoy the fact my kids like me despite being this unconventional type of a parent without inhibitions. Don't be afraid of being a failure as a parent... most of us have that Fear. It is another part of the full human experience... Like everything else in life... is not for Everyone. So Rock On and Party Without Worry of Children... I can dig that. You No Weird.

@GipsyOfNewSpain I think you might have misunderstood me, I'm not critical of anyone who wants kids. I think it's great and probably very rewarding. Humankind will survive just fine with or without my offspring. I would protect that button (as you put it) with my life. I would freely sacrifice myself to protect the world from its demise. So I'm not clear on what you meant by that.

@paul1967 I am sorry if I misunderstood you... you said "or maybe he/she will be the cause of the destruction of the universe", I am the half full glass kind of guy that will think instead... maybe he/she will be the one that stop the destruction of the universe. Children are a Large Responsibility, In my case regardless of age until I die.

@GipsyOfNewSpain Ah yeah I wasn't very clear. You said; "Your own flesh and bone one day will accomplish something that will make everything worthwhile." and I was saying yes they might, but they could also turn out to be a terrible person. I was being hyperbolic and not very clear when I said; "or maybe he/she will be the cause of the destruction of the universe." My point is that not everyone is built to parent and even if you are you can still have kids that don't function well in society. I'm not a bad guy, at least I don't think I am, but I'm a bit more selfish than a parent needs to be. I don't know if that would change if I ever had a child, but knowing myself the way I do, I wouldn't want to risk it. It wouldn't be fair to my potential son or daughter.

@paul1967 There is nothing wrong with that... I am as selfish as word "I" right now. And you and your mate able to do whatever whenever without worry of being caught by a child is priceless. I always say I am lucky I don't have to go and visit my children in sanatorium, hospital, prison or graveyard. I have all kind of negative kinks and worries about the situation. So you and your partner choosing to live a life without parenthood worries is great as far I am concerned. Is Your Free Choice to pick how to live your life within your means and parenthood is not a requirement. So you you two are not weird. You are product of the times you live in and what you make out of those times is your prerogative and yours alone. Live life and 40 years from now tell your adventures to a new generation. That is why I am doing here now.

I'm involved and I will likely marry a woman with three kids, I think stepdad is something I can handle.

Agreed, which is one reason of many for my decision not to have kids. I will say that it's a lesser reason, but still an important one.

it's not my only reason either

If she has not - suggest she go to another State for the surgery. When it's life threatening it's nothing to mess around with. Almost lost my niece and my grand niece to pregnancy complications. She had no idea about her pre-existing condition at the time,

She was considering going to Mexico but decided against it. She has had her uterus removed so now she doesn't have to worry about it.

I agree with @RavenCT, but I would also bring a lawsuit against them. They can't deny you medical treatment in life-threatening situations like hers. Look up The Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act. It states; The Federal Emergency Medical Treatment and Active Labor Act (EMTALA), is part of the Consolidated Omnibus Reconciliation Act (COBRA). EMTALA.com offers a summary of its provisions. The Act applies to all hospitals in the United States and its territories. It sets out the laws governing facilities that provide emergency medical care.

The EMTALA requires hospital E.R. staff to provide medical treatment to all people with real emergency medical conditions, regardless of the person’s ability to pay (or offer medical insurance). Illegal denial of treatment may subject the medical provider to disciplinary action.

There is more to it than immediate medical emergencies. It extends to all the stuff she's dealing with and more.

This was over 20yrs ago, so the statue of limitations is long gone. I do know for a fact at that time Texas physicians would routinely refuse to tie a woman's tubes or preform vasectomies on men if they were single or very young (in their 20's). This may have changed now, but with Texas being so backwards I doubt it.

That's one major reason I didn't want them.My three major reasons I didn't have kids are, first I'm just too damn selfish and second I'm too damn selfish and third I'm too damn selfish. The bonus reason is, I like spending money on things I want which makes me too damn selfish to have kids.