My first born is now 27, married, just gave birth this past March and from the moment she got engaged - it was like I didn't exist. We were best friends before then - she came to me for all sorts of advice or simply to spend time with me. Since then, I have to make first contact. It bothers me but I have to remind myself that it's not all bad. She's a great mother, a hard worker, a loyal wife with a loyal husband and that tells me that she's surrounded herself with the right kind of people. She's evolved from daddys' girl to an independent young woman carving out her own path. That's fantastic and so while my role has diminished and the demands of life have taken its toll - I couldn't be happier for her.

Having said (written) that - I have to admit that there's a benefit - I hate the State I live in and knowing that she's doing so well means that I can now focus on the rest of my life and that may very well meaning moving the h-ll out of here. Technology has advanced to the point that I can have a relationship with my grand baby without actually being in the same state. I may have mixed feelings about my diminished role in my daughters' life but it really is a win win for both of us.

My oldest son is a sophomore in college. He'll be 20 in July. Does that count?

We text.

I'm on a cruise with mine right now.

The whole idea of being a parent is to raise your children so that they are capable of existing in the world independent of you. The alternative would be to have your adult kids sitting on your couch all day playing xbox.

The fact that you rarely hear from your adult children means that you were successful as a parent. Your kids have developed their own lives. Reward yourself for your success as a parent by going on a long cruise and sending them a brief e-mail letting them know you'll be out of town for two months.

He may come around - or just need some space to to grow in his independence.

Both my daughter and son got a little distant for a while as young adults, finding their own way without wanting interference maybe. I think that's natural.

My daughter got closer to me while planning her wedding and even closer then when the grandbabies came along. I'm tickled to be part of her life again.

My son though is closer to his dad, and maybe skewed against me a bit due to his dad's disappointment that I fled our bad marriage. He doesn't reach out very often, but is very pleasant when I do. He's in his 30's and not in any relationship, yet anyway, so I'm hoping that if that happens, there will be a change in our relationship.

Right now, I don't expect to communicate with him more than a few times per year, hoping that will improve when there's a reason. I'd love to plan a trip with him, so we can reconnect and make some memories, but that hasn't worked out yet, but I'm hopeful I'll succeed with the time is right.

Glad both my kids are self sufficient and don't need me - but happy that one of them enjoys including me in her life and that of her children.

My relationship with my daughter improved tremendously when I began using Motivational Interviewing techniques with her. It seemed she hated me for years.

"This is temporary," was my mantra. My message to her was consistent: "Claire, I will always love you. But this (specific) behavior is unacceptable."

Using Motivational Interviewing, I reframed our arguments to the positive. Instead of arguing, I said:

"Claire, I love your strong will," I said. "Since your were born, you have had tremendous inner steel. You can use your strong will to finish college, make good choices, choose positive friends, and say no to alcohol and drugs."

You should have seen Claire's smiles!

When she asked me for money, I said no. "Claire, you are a great problem solver. You are intelligent and creative. I look forward to hearing solutions you come up with."

Claire graduated from the University of Washington with a 3.98 grade point average. Claire, 28, married a wonderful man in September 2018.

In September, Claire sent me a birthday card:

"My beautiful mother. I'm thankful everyday for how close we have become. You are an amazing mother to me, and now mother-in-law to Matt. We love you so deeply! So many amazing memories ahead! I love you! Claire (loving daughter)"

I treasure Claire's cards.

Give him space. It’s not about you.

I'm so sorry. My older son became cold and surly toward me when he was dealing with depression a few years ago. He's got more control of it now, though and we are great now. Sometimes we hang out and watch movies either at his apartment or my house, or sometimes we go shopping. My younger son lives farther away, but we have a good, close relationship, too. I hope you can resolve whatever is causing the distance between you and your son.

I know I'm very lucky that both of my daughters and I are very close. I raised them by myself, and it felt like I was always at work, I'm actually kind of surprised that we are as close as we are.

My oldest & I have good, open communications. He and his family are perhaps the biggest reason I haven't completely dumped fb - I video chat with them from time to time.
The next one has been having emotional troubles for years and can be incredibly manipulative. Best I can do there is just be available.

The oldest one is in jail and emails regularly. I don't have a lot of contact with the youngest son. I'm pretty sure my children know I'm an atheist and my youngest married an ex Mennonite and they even home school their kids. I'm pretty sure he thinks his mother would be a bad example for his children. LOL

My son and I have a great relationship now that his dad isn’t manipulating us both for control. He has decided to keep living at home with me while he is in college.
He talks to me about just about everything. I can offer my opinion about his choices, and he will ask for my input, because he knows that ultimately I trust him to make decisions for himself.

I don't have as close of a relationship as I would like with my son. But, in the last four years I have done the bookeeping for his business. It has brought us closer together than we've been in a long time. I think that sometimes our kids take us for granted, and from what I've seen and heard, boys seem to be worse at communicating with their parents than what girls are.