I've observed that most people, if they have regrets, have them about things they DIDN'T do as opposed to things they've done. What's been your experience?
It's easy to say you regret things one didn't do, like I regret not buying Apple when it's stock was $10, or regret I haven't visited the Great Wall. That, IMO is not regret, but wistful thinking.
It is not easy to say you regret abandoning your child, because your x-wife decided she didn't want sex with you. Of course, you will find people talking about regretting they din't do something more often than admitting to something they aren't proud of.
It all added up to this me being in this here and this now. I wouldn't change a thing for fear of changing my now. I love my life and I appreciate all that I went through to make this life my reality.
I have two wonderful daughters so that wipes the slate clean as far as any relationship regrets I might have but if you removed that from the equation I should have pulled my head out of my arse when I was in my 20s regarding a great many things really
Yeah it's pointless to second-guess yourself when doing so would mean your children wouldn't exist. My son was all a father could ask for ... he'd do anything I asked of him that he was able to, was kind and generous. My daughter is a skilled nurse and a fine mother. And I have four lovely grandchildren.
So yeah the fact that there was a lot of pain connected with my first marriage is just so much whining in the face of that. But ... like you say ... absent that, I'm not sure what I would have salvaged out of that, other than a knowledge of what NOT to do in life ...
No regrets at all, but lots of disappointments.
To me a regret is the realization that you failed to do the right thing when you knew better. If you live your life in such a way that you always are true to the light you have at any point along the way, it's impossible to have regrets -- by that definition at least.
On the other hand a disappointment is a realization that your hopes, dreams and aspirations are unattainable or stillborn in some way. Either because they're unrealistic or because of the flaky connection between effort and intention on the one hand, and outcomes on the other, despite best efforts.
I have one regret of nonaction. Can't think of anything else.
Many of the things that I did do....
Regret for the past and fear of the future are the two things that impact our lives the most. As today is the bridge between the past and the future, I try to stay in the present.
There are past decisions that, with hindsight, perhaps I should have made differently. The past cannot be reworked and with time I have made peace with it.
My biggest regret is the destruction of a delusion I had about my first love. I'm not one who values being delusional, but this delusion kept me going in my darkest times. I miss how the mere thought of her could make me feel and the thought of finding her forced me to push forward in life. Unfortunately I got my opportunity. She is not the woman she was in my delusion. She lied, cheated, stole and gaslit me for all it was worth and when she had everything she ghosted me. I don't blame her, she is who she is and it's all on me for using faith instead of reason. I still miss having that delusion to make me smile in dark times.
I feel ya. I, too, had let faith lead me to stay in a toxic relationship waaaaay too long. Very familiar with the gaslight thing...narcissists are pros at that. Of course, everyone could see it except me.
It took a long time to heal from the damage, but I'm like a phoenix. I hope you can rise from the flames stronger as well.
@NYTrink I'm well on my way. Most of the hurt I experienced was in myself. I don't feel like I'm easy to fool, but damn I was suckered hook, line and pocket book.
It's life, I'm thankful I don't live life like she does. A life lived conning people, is a life wasted. I might have lost my life savings, and my dignity bruised but I can rebuild those things. I don't know if she can rebuild herself? I honestly hope so. She's a fellow human and I hope for her sake she discovers her humanity again. No second chances with me but maybe with someone else.
I try not to have regrets or rue, even what appeared as bad, any decisions and actions through life. I am who I am because of said choices. There are mixes of good and bad; overall a less than "normal" life, intermixed with pain and happiness.
Hmm. I have both: regret for some things done and some undone. Some became obvious at the time or soon thereafter; others with the passage of time and a change of perspective. I don’t dwell on them much, however. I make the best calls I can depending on circumstances, available options/understanding, and state of mind, and then look forward again. I guess I have some regrets, but am not regretful.
I wish I would have saved more money in my early 20’s instead of partying it away. Other than that...I wouldn’t change a step.
My regrets are when I came to a fork, I took one road instead of another. Given a binary option, sure, I regret I DIDN'T do A and instead regret I DID do B. However, when someone talks about that fork, they usually put it into context of I should have done the thing I didn't do. I would compare it to the majority of people describing a glass as half empty, when in actuality it is both half full/empty, yet for whatever reason saying half full isn't typically the perspective. That, and the fact people are inherently lazy and follow the path of least resistance, thus foregoing a new option to stick with the norm, and then later regretting they didn't follow that option. So yea, I can see why the DIDN'T side of the option is typically the one presented as a regret.
Most of my regrets on things I did do are still there in my mind and I remember them fully. The times my thinking was in error, either on my own or just believing what others said. The times I reacted badly against another life form, and so on. The difference is that I can now look backwards and see these things. It makes me a better person to do so. Many other people simply block these things from their minds so that they can never remember them. I think it makes them hypocrites.
I wish I had started working on my advanced degree earlier. It’s going well and will be done soon just one of those things.