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Do You Feel Like an Outsider?

Sometimes I feel like I don’t belong on this planet. I have always been too intense, intelligent and high energy.

"Some people can’t handle my intensity,” my daughter Claire, 28, said. Same here.

I have always held myself somewhat apart, and felt like an outsider wherever I live.

In 1984, I moved to Wenatchee, WA to get married. As an atheist and Democrat, I don’t fit into this rural, largely Republican and Christian town in Eastern Washington.

I couldn’t relate to the gossipy, provincial, racist people who grew up here. Instead I made friend with people who, like me, moved here from another state.

As a liberal and environmentalist, I feel out-of-step with American public opinion. With friends, I protested against the lead-up to the Iraq War.

"F-ckin' traitors!" rednecks yelled from pickup trucks, throwing beer bottles and cans at us.

I felt disillusioned and horrified when George W. Bush stole his second election, and when Donald Trump was elected.

Do you feel like an outsider? You are not alone. In “Five Tips for When You Feel Like an Outsider,” Catherine Pratt wrote:

“I’ve read the autobiographies of some of the most famous people in the world and I found so many times that they said the same thing, ‘I felt like an outsider.’ Whether it's scientists, politicians, athletes, artists, or just anyone who has made a difference in the world, you'll usually find that they felt like they didn't belong at some point in time. People like Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sir Anthony Hopkins, Anne Rice, and Maria Shriver are just a few.”

LiterateHiker 9 Nov 11
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34 comments (26 - 34)

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1

Sometimes personally, partially due to being maybe a bit of a nerd in school (that's where college was great in that I could feel more involved and find people that I could connect with), then from moving around, I've had feelings like that professionally. I've been at some jobs where I came in with different experiences and personality traits than co-workers, and while some jobs have been fine, others have felt awkward.

1

Totally feel like I don't be long anywhere. Never felt aligned with my family, no friends from college or grad school. I think people are burdensome a lot. Being bisexual creates distance from most as well as being at a place in life where I don't want to deal with bs. I feel at home at my favorite pool hall and bar. I know everyone. Folks are glad to see me. I like seeing them. I envy the readymade social groups from belonging to a church.

1

I am definitely an outsider in my community! Everyone I know here is a Conservative Christian! I am a Progressive Atheist! Because of this I have no local social life whatsoever! That is in fact, what brought me here. I've expressed my beliefs to a few of these people. All say they have no problem with my beliefs but when I seek advice or support from them they tend to offer religion as the solution to everything that is wrong or distressing in my life. It drives me crazy.

1

i have always felt that, from a very early age. i think, oddly enough, i feel less so as i get older. i am not conforming more. i just care less about what people think of me. i should care even less but hey, perfection is impossible!

g

1

As a kid, I remember empathizing with the protagonist in the movie Silent Running. Much rather be alone than in the company of those I'll never appreciate.

1

Yes, but did not frame my feeling as being an "outsider." It was more a feeling of being different, unwanted and unworthy, but I was an agnostic child with a fundamentalist xian family, who unwittingly abused me emotionally.

As I grew, I rejected them all, and haven't seen any of them since my Mom died in 1991, which was a weird reunion. I hadn't seen most of my family since 1963. It reminded me of why I quit visiting them; nothing had changed, except they switched political party affiliation to Republican.

1

Yes! But occasionally I don't have problem with that

0

I do not flatter myself as "more than" and others as "less than" but I have often felt like an outsider. I would not describe myself as intense or high energy -- quite the opposite really, and if anything I'm different in being LESS so than most. Intelligent? That's a squishy term that doesn't really say anything substantive and can easily become a fulcrum of judgment. Everyone is smarter than others in some ways, dumber in others.

I think it's useful to realize that many people in our society have a floating sense of alienation that they can't necessarily connect to any one clear thing. It is a lack of sufficient anchor and connection with others and centering within oneself. This is distinct from the obvious differences and maybe the obvious differences aren't even that relevant. Perhaps this "floating" alienation simply accentuates the "obvious" differences.

I've said elsewhere how important it is to counter our innate tendency to pay tremendous amounts of attention to potential or real threats and little or no attention to boons. Another expression of this is our innate tendency to pay tremendous amounts of attention to real or perceived differences between ourselves and others, and little to no attention to our commonalities. Even rednecks have lives, loves, hopes, dreams and aspirations. They may be less educated or skilled than me sometimes in some ways, but they are no less human. I don't need to highten my sense of isolation by otherizing them.

That said ... some people are crass and nasty and toxic and proud of it and make it very difficult find common ground, or for that common ground to matter.

0
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