Bertrand Russell

"One of the painful things about our time is that those who feel certainty are stupid, and those with any imagination and understanding are filled with doubt and indecision"

I love Nietzsche. Particularly his idea that truth isn't really objective, and is a personal choice.

Homer Simpson!

When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

The code of the schoolyard, Marge! The rules that teach a boy to be a man. Let's see. Don't tattle. Always make fun of those different from you. Never say anything, unless you're sure everyone feels exactly the same way you do. What else...

Because sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves!

I want to share something with you: The three little sentences that will get you through life. Number 1: Cover for me. Number 2: Oh, good idea, Boss! Number 3: It was like that when I got here.

Hmmm, Spinoza and Bacon, sounds like an omelette, I was a pantheist as a teenager.

Hobbes. I wish I had as much faith in tuna sandwiches...

Seneca perhaps?

"All cruelty springs from weakness."

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful."

"Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness."

"There are more things, Lucilius, that frighten us than injure us, and we suffer more in imagination than in reality."

"As long as you live keep learning how to live"

Mark Twain!!! Who says comedians can't be philosophers?

Nietzsche. 'God is dead' resonates with me for some reason . . .

Osho
He is a middle eastern philosopher who titled his story Autobiography of a Spirituality Incorrect Master. Gotta like a guy who admits he is wrong. There is some religious stuff in his works, but it is not overwhelming. Taught me about the power of being selfless during sex, how to deal with my ego, the value of compassion, and other usable lessons

I love Philosophy, not philosophers. I guess that makes Plato my man, shit

This old dude with schizophrenia I used to work with. I am sure he is dead now.

Socrates. That dude knew how to make an exit.

Call this quote what you like; "philosophy" if you like. It was presented by H. L. Mencken in 1920: "As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." But Mencken was wrong with his hypothesis; for Trump to be a "moron", he would have to upgrade his IQ.

I could not name one philosopher except my boss's son - Reuben. He's a genius and I cannot comprehend 90% of what he writes.

If you want to beat me at Jeopardy!, your odds of success are greatly multiplied with any category related to philosophy or opera.

Hmm, this is a hard one for me. I don't think I could single out one philospher as my favorite, but I could give you my favorite schools of thought- empiricism and skepticism.

I like the writings of John O'Donohue. They resonates with me.

Marcus Aurelius, without a doubt.

Myself

I'd never even try to choose just one. My favorite philosophical tracts change daily. Some days I'm Kant and others I'm Hegel and some days I just want to watch videos on YouTube while using other apps on my phone without paying a monthly fee.

"Independence is my happiness, the world is my country, and my religion is to do good."

• Thomas Paine