A cat's only objective in life is to kill you.

Meh, I like dogs, cats, gerbils, cavies, birds, bunnies, et al ?

I'm sure the cat is fine, but fend off does not mean a racket swing. It just means using it as a blocker or something to push them with.

Why do I loathe cats? Let me count the ways.

"If left to their own devices, cats would lead humans into a whirling blade," Dave Barry wrote.

1. I am allergic to cat dander. I grew up with loving, obedient Labrador Retrievers.

2. I hate the way cats walk on kitchen counters. It's unsanitary and disgusting. In homes with cats, cat hair floats in the air and gets all over my clothes. Cat hair is hard to remove, even with a vacuum cleaner.

3, When I was in high school, my mother took in a stray, male cat. That cat repeatedly sprayed and pooped on my pillow. With three siblings, I couldn't keep the door closed. Hated that cat.

4. One summer, my boyfriend, Dave, took off the couch back cushion because he was hot. Sitting on a towel, Dave didn't want to get the couch sweaty. Walking behind the couch, that cat reached up between the slats and raked his claws down Dave's back, drawing blood. With no provocation.

5. I have never met a friendly cat. They are skittish, neurotic animals.

I’ve had cats all my adult life and they can be amazing companions. I’ve learned how to do cats right. First, from my experience nuertered males are the best. They tend to more social and loving, females tend to be a little more aloof. Next, cats need to have access to the outside, a cat door is the way to go. Also with a cat door you can toss the litter box. When I travel I just fill up the cat feeder with a few weeks of dry food and leave a toilet seat up and go enjoy myself. I’ve been gone for nearly 3 weeks at a time and when I return the cats are there and happy to see me.

I don't do cats. I don't like them, I am allergic to them, and they generally have a poor attitude. The only thing that could be worse about them is if they barked.

Your friends should have paid for the services of someone who would be kind to them. If they can afford a trip to New Zealand, they can afford to pay for a proper caregiver. What a terrible situation. Your friends KNOW that you hate cats, and they still asked you to do this? Why did you say yes? These animals don't deserve to be treated this way.

Your story brings to mind the "I have the Power" quote from the opening of: He Man Masters of the Universe.

I find a water gun to be the best way to control cats. They hate water, but it doesn't risk permanent damage. Great for getting them off a table or cabinet. Once they know about it, they will avoid.

Have to keep them in their place.?

Do ya sleep with your bedroom door shut tight? Cats will seek revenge on those who annoy them,purses,favorite clothing articles,shoes,peed on,or worse sometimes.....

If you take the time to get to know them, and treat them nicely, perhaps you'll see a more agreeable side ... in many ways, they're just like little humans.

I am totally opposite...I love cats and would have 30 if I could afford the vet bills! With that said, I find your method of stopping the cats from going out humorous....cats are very smart and learn quickly...I used a fly swatter when they were kittens and now, I just have to pick one up and they scatter.

I currently am down to two black cats, having lost two this past year to old age. I will probably get two more sometimes down the road.

Be careful, though...they are also vengeful and might trip you any chance they get....ha ha ha...