Loving each other doesn't mean you should be together.

It is also perfectly acceptable to just be done with it all.

My armor was created by my childhood.

I wore it for way too many years.

As a consequence, after the hormone high wore off, I hurt people who loved me -- my distance and fear of emotional intimacy and vulnerability.

I made a decision to change that about 3 1/2 years ago. Brene Brown's book and TED talk inspired me - and of course, wanting to not keep partners at arm's length anymore.

It is still sometimes a struggle. I sometimes have to remind myself that fully loving and allowing myself to be fully loved is better than the alternative. It's rarely easy following through. But, it IS getting easier, with practice.

Hardest lesson I've learned: Love isn't logical. Love doesn't show up when it is most convenient. Love might not be enough.

Lesson: That sometimes two people loving each other is not enough to make things work.
Armor: In that sense I'm a risk taker. No guts: no glory. Have spent enough time banging my head against other people's armour to have had the sense to throw mine out with the rubbish. I learnt that being scared of being hurt is far worse than being hurt because in the first instance there is no hope, in the second you give it your best shot, if you fail you lick your wounds and wait for the opportunity to try again.

Love is where you pay for your predecessors' actions.

An amazing partner can become so stuck for so long that it is better to move on. For other things I can take the armor off but that kind of vulnerability is so fucking scary.

The hardest lesson is to take ones time. It's too easy to want to rush things and it gets worse the older one gets.

My last relationship stripped a lot of my armor. Through her it has made it easier to appreciate and love now.

For me the hardest lesson is moving on from betrayal. That took a mighty long time. What I've learned about myself is that while I don't forget, I don't have to hang on to bitterness. What might prevent me from experiencing unconditional love, lies only within me. The hesitation I may have of believing one's words to be true when said to me, will always take proof in action. A person's true character and integrity is proven with the follow through of their words. Until then, in a relationship, words are just words. Proof is often times delivered in time. So, I've already got the patience. Do people really love unconditionally?

Good post.

Brilliant, life has made me look for the chinks in anyone's armour including my own. there are only so many kicks in the nuts I can take.

That sometimes the bad things that lead them to be available to you are the same things that will draw them back away. One woman escaped from a mentally and verbally abusive relationship, but once he saw she was happy with me, remembered just how to control her with his anger again. She found out they were engaged after he took her phone to text me about it. Helped another during her time of getting off heroin. We had a great relationship, until Mother came calling again. All of this leaves me fearless. I can take the happy, so I better be strong enough to handle the sad too

restraint in giving especially at first

Ugh. Sad. But true.

Let's just say I have a bit of a trust issue.

My armor protects me from being hurt. I would have to trust someone to take down my defenses.

One of my children was a drug addict. I practiced hard love, and I am proud of this child, and my grand child. My child over came the addiction, and is a very responsible human. Don't give up.

For a relationship to work, there has to be trust. For trust, you’ve got to be open. Sometimes you get hurt, but that’s life. Accept that mates are human, but also, don’t stay in an unhealthy relationship.

That word might possibly be the most misunderstood and misused in the english language.

The answer is difficult. I often have some conflicts with my boyfriend because of my armor. For example, you might be in a good relationship but you're scared out of fear of getting hurt again.
smash karts

The biggest regret is when I have lived in the shell in the past for too long without knowing this effective solution. iscribble is a game recommended by psychologists to play whenever you feel stressed and tired. Very effective for people who are suffering from mental illness

Never saw it like this.
Loving and friendship is not something where one can find some ideal and then statically remain in it and maybe get disappointed and hurt like a victim. It is more like a skill one has to learn a whole life long and where the more I learn, the more rewarding it gets. All the lessons learned weakened my armor and made it more easy to love fully.
But I am convinced there is a lot more to learn still ...

When I saw this picture, I thought, "That is ME!" I don't let many people into my life, so I guess I haven't learned a lot of lessons. A couple that come to mind, though, are when someone tells you who they are, believe them....and, you teach people how to treat you. Those are true in any kind of relationship.

Yes. Because of my abusive past, I have trust issues, and I have never been able to fully love anyone.