I was raised a fundamentalist from a young age. At ten, I was baptized into the Seventh-Day-Adventist church. In my early twenties I was baptized into the Assemblies of God church. Later, as I careened toward my thirties, I became a member of the Foursquare denomination. During most of that time, I also spent fifteen years in various forms of Reparative Therapy (pray the gay away).

The one thing that all these organizations have in common is that they are terrified of me. Apparently, as a gay man, I have been imbued from on high with the astonishing power of destruction:
• I can single-handedly incur the wrath of God to bring down entire civilizations.
• I can cause earthquakes, drought, pestilence and famine.
• I create hurricanes and direct them head-on to the America South.
• I can destroy straight marriages and obliterate the institution of marriage altogether (I am the reason Newt Gingrich has been married three times).
• And I can force fundamentalists to marry their pets.

And despite all that power, I haven't been able to convert any of them to the power of the Dark Side.