I actively looked for men that did not remind me of my father. My hubby is almost his opposite. However, a few years after being with my hubby-- he had this revelation that me and his mother have a lot in common. lol
Yes. It did scare me a touch when I read “Getting the Love You Want” by Harville Hendrix. It deals with Imago therapy. The traits of my parents attract me, subconciously trying to repair childhood wounds. It was eye opening.
I heard him do a series on tv yrs ago.. so interesting.. he talked about the subconscious in how we really are looking for that parent we either want back or want to change or trying to heal from those wounds as a child.
I've never actually felt like anyone I was with was especially similar to my mother, but it was always on my mind and I'd look for signs (in terms of physical appearance and behavior) because my mother was an unstable, manipulative, ill-tempered woman. Fortunately, I've never had a very serious long-term relationship so I never had to deal with the distressing realization years into the relationship that I'm dating a clone of my mother. {shudder}
Oh, but that reminds me. My mother had a photo of her father as a young man. Then I saw a photo of her first husband. Holy hell! She married a man who looked very similar to her own father. I suspect that at the time she got married they didn't look much alike, but it was uncanny how much they looked like one another if you compared young-adult photos of them.
I set out as a teenager to find a man who was nothing like my father. So I married a man who was uneducated, irresponsible and immature. And it took many years to realize that he also shared exactly the characteristics that I was trying to escape when I picked him. Could not have gone any more wrong.
I try to find men that aren't abusive like my dad. I'm a magnet for those men.
I know what you mean.
Only in retrospect. Almost everyone does it. It has nothing to do with the physical part. All psychological and all subconscious. We tend to seek out partners who have some of the traits (usually negative ones) of one or both of our parents. This is to try and work out the conflicts you were unable to resolve in childhood through an adult relationship.
The book referenced by @Firelander is a good one and easy to read without having a background in psychology. If you have a background in psychology, Fear of Intimacy by Robert W. Firestone is brilliant.
So creepy though lol -shudder-
I had a best friend at work that her voice tone was the voice tone of my grandmother and she raised me so she will freak me out constantly in a comm center. It was Hard to deal with and we became best friends but I couldn't deal with her tone of voice to make things worse she had that New York City attitude that my grandma had too.
I think that's my problem. I am looking for my father's traits in the men I like. But there are so many that don't even want anything closely related to their parents because one or both left them with bad experiences as a child. Even tho, deep down, there are so many that marry the person who has similarities to one or both parents sometimes without even realizing it.
My girlfriend has a couple of qualities and features that are similar to my mother. They’re both completely sober, they have similar body types, they’re both excellent mothers, but one doesn’t actively remind me of the other.
Yeah those are relatively superficial ones
Yes. @Neraven
I dated a woman several years ago I really liked. One day I found out she and my paternal grandmother had a birthday the same day. After that I started realizing she and my grandmother had a lot of the same mannerisms. I mean they were very much alike. It was kind of spooky and kind of cool.
No I would never date someone that reminded me of my mother. But I have dated some women who i said i reminded them of their father.
my wife is quite similar to my mum in facial looks
Well I did marry an alcoholic that is certainly a trait that my dad shares.
Yes, and then no. My ex wife and my father hated each other form the very beginning, they had made up their minds they would. I always had issues with my father, so the fact they hated each other was a plus in my eyes.
Unfortunately it turns out they are so similar in personalities. Neither have been in my life for over 20 years now.
When I married him he wasn't much like my dad but the older he got, the more his thinking resembled my father's. My daughter's husband has similarities to my husband now, too. Is it a "guy thing"?
It's not a guy thing. Of my 3 long term (5+ years) relationships, 2 women were psychologically similar to my mother, and one was psychologically similar to my father.