We were regular church folk when my son came out as gay, so we switched churches to the local gay church, MCC. I had always sung in the church choir and there is no reason for that to change that so I joined the gay men's church choir. That's taking one for the team. Some months later we are learning a new song and we are supposed to sway as we sing this. I was pretty bad at the whole swaying part. They had to stop practice and teach the one straight guy how to sway. It took quite a while, he finally said that was close enough.

There was that one time as an altar boy that I almost burned down the church because the incense burner I was swinging caught the edge of the altar step and dumped the charcoal onto the carpet. The priest picked it up with his bare fingers and burned himself. Ah, that was a good day. (Okay, at the time I was mortified. In retrospect, though, it is pretty funny.)

I was 10 or 11 years old. For some reason my younger brother (who was Eight 8)) was the only one with me. We were in a service and he thought it was funny to keep handing me prayer books. I would take one and then he would just hand me another and then another and another...

Because we couldn't laugh it was extremely funny. We couldn't hold it and burst out ...

Not exactly "in church", but it involved a pastor's daughter. 'Nuf said.

Here's another altar boy story. I was in 6th grade, and one Sunday was one of the two altar boys servers at a very well attended mass. After the priest consecrate's the host, he then turns to the parishioners with the chalice and the host raises it above his head, and everyone including the altar boys is supposed to stand. Altar boys wear vestments that are like a robe that comes down almost to the ankles. Apparently, when I knelt down the back hem of my vestment was hooked on the heel of one of my shoes. When I attempted to stand up, I was yanked back by my heel. Windmilling my arms frantically did no good. I flipped over backward on my back in front of the whole church and the newly consecrated host.

I told this joke to an elderly parishioner about buying a small crucifix for my neck chain, it went like this, So I go in the market and see a stall selling St Christopher's, Cross Necklaces & Pendants etc, so I ask about this particular cross and the guy say's its' £25 but for only £30 you can get one with a little bloke on it !!! Well it went down like a lead balloon . I was not very popular but I laughed all the way home, I think i was only about 12 or 13....

Basically every time I went to an Easter service. In my former religious sect they make everyone kiss a big golden cross before you can leave the church. It's like a coldsores paradise and germs in general. I put my lips as close as possible but not touching the cross , because thats freaking gross!

Our Haiti mission church was a 100-yr-old French concrete/plaster building with thick walls and tall, arched windows, with shutters. The church pews were wooden slat benches. Certain benches were more conducive for sheltering bed bugs; when the US SNEM program began spraying buildings with DDT, this killed off the ants, which are bedbug predators, allowing bedbugs to proliferate.

There was one bench in the front that was notorious for hosting bedbugs..nobody lasted long sitting there. For that reason, it usually stood empty, and my younger sister and I sat in the thick-walled arched window, swinging our legs and watching the show.

The church was usually very crowded, but the Haitians take care of that by someone coming up and saying "Advance, advance (Creole/French)!" while plopping down on top of two people sitting next to other, then wiggling downward, until they'd burrowed down to wedge between them.

This move always popped someone off the end of the row, so they'd go sit on the empty "punaise" (bedbug) bench. After a bit, they'd start to jump and jitter a bit, finally letting out a "WOY!" and leaping up to rub their posteriors, then off they'd go to wedge down between two people on a crowded bench, and pop someone else off the end, to continue to cycle.

My sister and I would nearly choke trying to stifle our laughter.

having a fire extinguisher fight in the pews !

I went to a Catholic wedding for a friend who is a sommelier. There were lots of people in the audience who were also in the wine business. When the priest got to the sermon, he talked about the parable of Jesus turning water into wine. The priest kept saying, "so Jesus said to the head-waiter". He said it several times. I must have missed that part of the bible.

A long time ago in a galaxy far far away.........

I was an altar boy at Catholic church. I was doing my thing at 12:00 mass, the big one of the day with a packed house, and the priest was a relatively new one but a nice chap. Now this isn't a piss take for the sake of it, it's just relaying a sequence.

The priest had a bit of a stutter and one of the letters he struggled with was the letter B. Now in case you're not aware, before the congregation take communion, the priest holds the host above his head and says 'Body of Christ', now the priest had a bit of an issue so it came out 'B-B-B-B-B-B-Body of Christ' I, at the same time, have to ring the bell, a very nice brass thing consisting of 5 bells, so when the host is risen, which under normal circumstances is a quick 'ting!' turned into a crescendo of clanging until the priest had got through his line.

There then followed a solemn silence (of shock and relief probably) followed by the priest then reaching for the chalice. I was in a moment that I knew I had no escape from........ the priest raised the chalice above his head and uttered the sacred words 'B-B-B-B-B-Blood of Christ' and we went through the whole clanging fiasco again.

I'm sure I was damned from that day forward

The weirdest was attending a Greek Orthodox wedding. The freaking ceremony lasted like 2 hours and we had to stand pretty much the whole time. There were all these priests and a lot of mumbo jumbo. Could not wait till it was over and I’m just saying to myself wtf is going on here?

I was once a member of the Mormon Church. I am also blonde ...meaning the full impact of my actions didn’t occur to me until many years later. I once wore a man’s tuxedo to a church dance. I was being ‘fashionable’ as far as I was concerned...maybe a photo in Cosmo inspired me? I want to laugh out loud, to this day, when I think of it.

With my big afro, I think I would had go to blows...
[mirror.co.uk]

[atheistnexus.org] This was the first piece i ever wrote on the web. It is kinda funny.

I was in the downstairs in the First Unitarian-Universalist Church and a lady came up to me and asked 'if I wanted a cup of coffee' and I say yes; then we shared a brief kiss. Weird isn't it?

When I was a kid we had this crazy neighborhood guy that huffed paint n stuff like that...he shows up one sunday morning and sat at the very back...we kept hearing crinkling from his direction and all of a sudden he jumps to his feet and shakes a brown paper bag in the air and shouted "im huffin glue, preacher,im huffin glue!" I almost peed my pants fr

My first time in a pentecostal holiness church. People started speaking in wierd ass tongues. Othere started running up to the front convolsing and seizing. I started laughing my ass off and had to leave the church.

People will probably laugh now but I was totally embarrassed when my mom converted away from Methodist sprinkle baptism to my sister's fundie full immersion bath. ...I was 9 ....my mom gets in this green slimy water tub inside identical to cow watering tank on farms 20 miles away. ...Minister Raymond puts a handkerchief over my mom's nose and dunks her.....she's blowing out snot & water out her nose coughing and spitting. ....that's not the embarrassing part......she has a white sheet over her and after being dunked everyone can see her white bra and panties. ....dried off half hour later she's all excited about "the holy spirit" and wants me to confess next Sunday. ...my excuse was bible sez you must be 12 to become a man like Geebush. ....I never said yes to that insanity and quit going to Sunday school when I was 11. ...I did go back 1 more time when I was 14 but I'll tell y'all later that sex story

The Mass I was at where the recording on the tape player went funky - slowing down and speeding up - and I just couldn't control myself.... the bench started to shake.... my best friend? Tears running down her face. (I was a teen).

The Priest was not happy with us. (Oh well - he turned out to be a pedophile anyway).

The other is going to Funerals for family who are religious - and having to pass the asthma inhaler down the pew - because my sibs and I are all wickedly allergic to the incense used in that Mass. - I'm just there for the fun afterwards at the sit down dinner following the cemetery.

Ooohh... I fell asleep leaning on my dad's shoulder during the sermon. I woke up to my principal of my Xian school staring at me! She didn't even go there as a regular! Wtf was she doing there? Lol.