Jonah surviving being inside a giant fish for many days. Don'tcha just HATE it when that happens?

Sodom and Gomorrah is pretty hilarious. Although, Noah and the ark has to be the most absurd.

The main plot. God messed up in making humans so he punishes them for his own mistakes then sacrifices himself to himself to appease the sin he made in the first place. Oh, and if the Devil sends bad people to hell doesn't that make him an ally of god and not an adversary? Like instead the Devil should accept all the "bad" people because they are his kind of people lol. Plus the Rib-woman thing always makes me laugh.

All the bit between the covers

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about that story where god murders some kids with a pack of bears because they made fun of some balding prophet. Like...old balding dude is walking along and some asshole kids start chirping him. He decides to curse them in the name of god and then out of the woodwork two bear bears come along an slaughter 42 boys....dude. The prophet just sat back, watched, and then went on his merry way.

The whole story of legion.

Jesus exorcising demons out of a possessed person and into a herd of nearby pigs. It doesn't end there though, the (now demon possessed) pigs run off a bank and drown themselves. The tenders to the pigs went to go check on them, saw they had all died like fucking lemmings, and told jesus to more or less GTFO. The other hilarious part is that Jesus in that story, or another one involving exorcism, mentions that exorcism is not a permanent solution. If you drive demons out of someone, they will eventually return 5 fold....so jesus made to problem worse in the long run....

Oh then then there is the infamous story of Jesus getting mad at a fig tree and cursing it to death. I don't care what metaphor it's supposed to be, it's just a terribly silly story on the surface. The disciples even told Jesus it wasn't fig season, but Jesus had to get all hangry.

Then there's that obscure little story everyone overlooks...something about naked people in a garden who don't know anything because they haven't yet eaten from the tree of knowledge of good and evil. So when a crafty snake comes and talks the foolish woman into eating the fruit, she goes straight to her man to share, and he, being ruled by his hormones, naturally says to his naked woman, "for you Babe, sure I'll do anything." Remember he can't know any better until AFTER he has eaten the fruit. So here's the hilarious part: God, who set this whole scenario up, what with being all-powerful and all-knowing, he punishes the man and woman for doing exactly what he knew all along they would do. What a sadistic joker, that God!!!

The talking Donkey. NUMBERS 22-23.

Noahs Ark, living inside of a whale, and punishing a snake by asking it to crawl on its belly.

Lot's wife turning into a pillar of salt. Talking donkeys and snakes. A young earth.

One more silly thing (it's extra-biblical though...) - People who belief all that stuff to be literally true.

jonah and the whale

The whole of it. Which is, we are suffering for other peoples sins.

Lots daughters getting their father drunk and sleeping with him.

             Genesis 38:8

Then Judah said to Onan, "Sleep with your brother's wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to raise up offspring for your brother."

They are all mostly gory, filled with violence, horrible stories to read, sort of like reading the original Brothers Grimm story collection.

People can attend church in peace because they never read it.

Weird may be a better term but I like: Exodus 4:24–26
“At a lodging place on the way, the Lord met Moses and was about to kill him. But Zipporah took a flint knife, cut off her son’s foreskin and touched Moses’ feet with it. ‘Surely you are a bridegroom of blood to me,’ she said. So the Lord let him alone.”

The whole book is one big joke.

The fact that anyone believes the whole Noah story is hilarious! The part where God asked Abraham to cut the skin of his son's dick is funny in a really awful way

I find the story of Job funny. Well not the story itself, but the fact that people find it an inspiring story of faith and devotion, when all I get out of it is that bible god is an asshole.

Lols oh man good stuff

I am trying to think of something funny but haven't thought of any yet.

Damn... I hate being late to the party. All the good ones that I can remember have been said here.

And yeah, the bread baked by shit was fucking hilarious.

This text never fails to raise a chuckle:

"When she carried on her prostitution openly and exposed her nakedness, I turned away from her in disgust, just as I had turned away from her sister. Yet she became more and more promiscuous as she recalled the days of her youth, when she was a prostitute in Egypt. There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. So you longed for the lewdness of your youth, when in Egypt your bosom was caressed and your young breasts fondled." Ezekiel 23:18-21 (NIV)