THIS is how I would answer: Which person do you think is more "moral" - the Atheist who doesn't rape, kill, steal, lie, commit adultery, or dishonor their parents because he thinks it's immoral, or, the Christian/Jew/Muslim who doesn't do those things because they fear God's retribution?

Usually when the subject is brought up, as soon as my beliefs are shared, the subject is dropped.

Well, when somebody asks me what happens when you die? I always reply: Well, I die, I guess.
When you than get the question: What happens after that, I too would answer: I don't know, do you?
Than probably you get the story of judgement and heaven and hell.
Than I ask: Who told you that? etc., etc., etc. ……………………!
With empathy in the back of my head I might ask: Where is your morality coming from?
Answer: Well, that is coming from the Bible
I ask: So, If I my wife had sex with friends before we met and I read in the Bible that she has to be stoned? Do I have too to church, organize the people there so they can stone her?
So, be more specific about where you get your morality from.
Answer: Well, it's coming from the 10 commandments.
I ask: What 10 commandments do you mean. There are two in Exodus.
Answer: Well, the one that is taught in the Bible.
I ask: Is that one better than the other one?
Is there more where you get your morality from?
etc., etc., etc. ……………………!
It will probably silence them and make them turn away.
These discussions are tempting but I actually enjoy them. They are quite predictable.

Morality is grounded in empathy. To paraphrase Bill Maher, empathy is the complicated task of looking at someone suffering and saying 'I wonder if that hurts?'. If you require a third party source (eg a god or religion) to behave morally, not only are you not morally superior, you are a moral degenerate. If religion, or some other external source, is the only thing making you behave morally and not, say, cutting people in two with an axe, you are a sociopath; devoid of empathy for your fellow humans.

I, and my fellow non-believers, do not require a Sword of Damocles over our heads to behave morally. The question should therefore be turned around: not 'how can you be moral as an atheist' but 'why are hard-line christians so immoral'.

Finally, the initial question is a false dichotomy, whereby you are either religious or immoral; there is no middle ground. This is not logical, and is a poor argument

I completely understand where you are coming from with this post! I understand that they just don't understand and Can't comprehend how someone can't believe in something. It's just that if I asked a religious person most of these questions chances are they would give me attitude or get mad.

“Religion is an insult to human dignity. Without it you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things.
But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion.”
? Steven Weinberg

Try this on for size. When you get the question of how you can be a moral person and be atheists respond with the following questions.

1. How can you be a moral person, knowing that you are partially responsible for enslaving millions in false hope and giving promises that you can never keep?

2. How can you get away with telling good people that they can get to heaven, but first they have to give up sleeping in on Sunday every week for the rest of their lives, all to sit in a church listening to sermons and music all designed to turn people into mindless drones?

That would piss of most of my religious friends.

I usually spill my coffee and excuse myself to get something to clean it up. Hopefully they will forget their question and we can go on having a mediocre time. If they insist, then I use the 'Oh look at the time' remark. That usually gets me out of most of those silly arguments with no conclusion. Personally, I don't ask anyone to explain their religious viewpoints to me, and I don't think they have the right to have me explain my lack of religious viewpoints. Besides, I think I have the better end of the deal. I get to sleep in on Sunday while they are happily and mind numbingly sitting in a church somewhere pretending to be following a being who is supposed to be all knowing and all loving.

You'd think if he was all-knowing that he would already know the outcome of who will follow and who will not, and just save time and wipe out the non-believers and take the rest to the promise land. You'd think if he was all-loving he would prevent all the hatred and killing that is going on in the world. How can anyone claim to be all loving and still let people kill? BTW, I really hate the line, God has a plan. Really? What is his plan? To prove that he is not all knowing nor is he all knowing. Or is it to prove something more sinister and sadistic. Perhaps he is playing a cruel game on the human race.

If god has a plan, tell him to come see me. His plan sucks and I can do a better job with the planning.

Welcome from a 'fellow' (doesn't sound right) Washingtonian!

I tell people I don't need a book full of genocide, infanticide, and judgment to tell me what is good and bad, and in fact, if one goes by the "morality" in the bible, one goes to prison in present-day America. When they express shock and dismay, and try to defend such crimes as "stories," I just give them The Look.

If the only thing standing between you and you becoming a psychopath is religion, then I feel bad for you. It meams you lack some things necessary to be successful in life. For example, empathy and compassion.

So silly to associate morality with religious beliefs. All one has to do is reference the catholic church for an example re how religious beliefs have zero to do with morality, because if it did, there would not be a single sexually abused child due to pedophile preists and the the catholic institution that continues to not only protect them, but help them in harming more children.

Religious upbringing has nothing to do with whether you are moral or a good person, I tell them. You can be a regular church going Christian and be a terrible person. ...priests who are mean or pedophiles. Or you can be completely separated from religion and be the nicest, kindest person ever.

I just saw this and have to comment. This is an important area for me and I sometimes take a different view than what is shown or what others think. Your question involved a long read and some thought. Unfortunately, so does my answer (I like to write and often learn things myself due to the thought process involved).

It seems being a “good person” also means being liked, “A more complex answer may address the specific attributes that would reflect being a likable person.” Being liked should not be the central focus. Doing the “right”, whatever that might be, thing should.

Altruism is a major area for me and it constantly gets me in hot water. I believe if one takes some sort of action because it makes them feel good, one is not being altruistic. Altruism, to me, means doing something with a specific goal in mind. For instance the well-known trolley problem: [healthland.time.com] A recent posting link mentioned the idea of “pragmatic morality”. It said people with this viewpoint were not very popular. No one wants a confrontation or to ruffle feathers including me but often my need to plant seeds overcomes my need to simply go along. Having a long and involved background in environmentalism I look to the bigger picture; the one that says the life support system is more important than the individuals. My late partner asked her 2nd graders a question: “What is more important, people or dirt?” I have seen adults on this site that say people are more important!

Empathy has also been discussed a lot on this site and I have also contributed with links and ideas. Empathy has been proven that it is present in babies. There is both a nature and nurture aspect which can go either way. I am fortunate in that I have always felt I had more empathy than my siblings. Also, my life has been free of things that discouraged empathy. I recently had a realization of something that occurred 30 years ago, that helped me see how previous experiences can block one’s path.

The comment about responsibility is a bit anal but I agree. Making excuses and justifying one’s actions also harm an individual in that it keeps them from learning from their mistakes. It is critical for one’s growth they their life be one of constant learning.
Honesty, like responsibility keeps one grounded. Honesty can be complicated in that it often involves the amount of security one feels. My daughter had a real problem with being honest. She was living with her mom and step-dad (long story). Her mom was bi-polar and the step-dad was an active alcoholic. He saw her as not being his and was always on her (she said her life was a real Cinderella life). She learned to be dishonest as a defense but when things changed, she did not for a long time.

Being fair often involve things one cannot readily see at the time. We have all done things that turn out badly because we let our emotions rule. Taking sides to one child over another because one may like one child better or because one child is normally better behaved can backfire. This applies to all aspects of our lives and I try to cognizant of this.

Humility has a religious link for me. Growing up Catholic I always heard that “humility is the prime virtue”. Individual humility is important because inflating oneself is a form of lying and nothing is gained. My biggest issue and the one I see infecting the planet today is human hubris or anthropocentrism. As non-theists we should understand we are not the center of the universe or the world but we too often don’t.

Why not turn it around and ask how do you personally as a Christian can live that way?