It’s preferable to spam.

Back in the day when I tried Match.com, there was this guy whom I chatted with a few times that obviously had this long, rehearsed manifesto ready to copy and paste (he had some overlapping lines of text between different messages). It was annoying, but I decided to overlook it (I was desperate, long story). I wish I hadn't met him in person... To say he was socially inept is putting it nicely. Never again!

That's 8 more words than I get in the canned messages. They consist of "hi". Needless to say I don't answer.

I ignore the canned messages as well. If I can take the time to write a thoughtful message, I expect others can do the same. I just wish the response rate was higher for my messages. The attached image is the first part of a woman's profile that I saw today. It explains what will disqualify any potential suitors, and comprises almost half of her entire profile.

I've gotten a lot of these on various sites. Sometimes I think it's like the spammers who send mass emails thinking maybe at least one will stick. What am I saying, sometimes -- I mean all the time. And then I've played their hand by answering with, "so, tell me about yourself" -- crickets.

I agree with you. The opening message should be a whole paragraph and mention something that confirms they actually read your profile. The problem with some women I've run across on Match is that they really don't have much personal info in their profile essays or what they do have is all cliche stuff, ie. " I feel honest communication/chemistry/family/ is/are really important..." How do you comment on that without sounding insincere or offending them?

My opening messages contain the following elements in a short paragraph: Hi_
I noticed/liked __ in your profile. We seem to both like___ as well as have# of common interests. Please see my profile and message me if interested. Thanks, Tom

Considering that I send out a couple dozen of these a month and rarely get a response, I don't put that much time or effort into them. But using this method doesn't take much of either anyway.

The opening message, as long as it has these elements in it, is not that important in whether you get a response from the woman, so it's not worth sweating over. What really matters is the profile essay and your pics. Those are what women use to decide whether to reject you or accept you for replying to for further study on their part.

When I really think it thru, the most important thing for a man on a site like Match is their main profile photo, because if a woman is getting 100 messages a week from different men, as I've heard that some do, the pic determines if the woman even bothers to view your profile in the first place.

This made me laugh out loud! So funny! It may be nerves that make that happen! Thanks for lightening up my day. First day back at school since the holidays and it is always rough.

Opening a line with someone I don't know but would like to get to know can be fraught with pitfalls. Yes, definitely, add to one's profile but be careful in soliciting information from the other. There is a tricky balance with showing interest and yet not prying, too quickly, into personal territory. Done that and been there.

lol one woman who seemed interesting to me took offense when I mentioned I had never been with a blond before. She was convinced I did not like blonds and would not accept any other explanation.

Hey baby, wanna engage in some aerobic activity together?
Hey baby, wanna engage in some aerobic activity together?
Hey baby, wanna engage in some aerobic activity together?
Hey baby, wanna engage in some aerobic activity together?

Is this working?

I'm interested in learning more about you. Let's chat

Hope they at least have a block function that you can immediately weed out those yahoos...you deserve more quality and respectful dialog than that...ugh...

It's astounding how clueless many people are (and not just men) about such matters. They have a tendency to regard a dating site as a candy machine -- put in a quarter and out comes a date. Like it absolves them of needing to be presentable and interesting.

As a non-dater the thing I'm tired of is the number of new sign-ups that make their first post (often in the wrong forum) along the lines of "Hoping to find a kindred spirit here" without defining what that means to them. And then invariably, they have either no profile or a perfunctory one, either no photo or one that you can tell was carefully curated and somehow not representative as it conceals their humanity and presents them as the insecure mannequin that they are. Even my present wife was guilty of this a bit, the first pic she sent to me was of her 40 year old self, from 10 years prior. Fortunately she's so gorgeous in an age-appropriate way that it was only subtly misleading, not fundamentally. And could be forgiven as such, given the unreasonable pressures on women in general.

Certainly in your shoes I'd want to feel that a person communicating with me had selected me specifically for some plausible reason, and that I'm not just part of some more general dragnet. So ... I feel your annoyance.

I have 2 unopened messages on Fitness Singles, due to stopping my subscription - there’s too few members nearby to make it seem worthwhile.
Now, the cost of looking at those messages seems insanely expensive.

I can see where the canned messages would be annoying, but unless there’s something in your profile that really inspires a detailed message, are they any worse than a “Hey how are you?”
Even with the safety of the keyboard in front of you, there’s still a bit anxiety/awkwardness in online dating.

You are spot-on. On a site like Match, where there are questions and plenty of space to write, lack of a narrative is always (in my experience) an indicator of lesser intellect, in which case I am not interested. And yes, you would expect the courtesy of reading your profile and thoughtfully commenting on it.

Not all is lost. These are the ones you can immediately dismiss.

I agree with you. Match.com offers up “openers” based on”common interests”. It’s lame. Can spot them a Mile away. If a person is too lazy to type in their own opener - I’m not interested.