I always thought kissing was an affectionate way for couples to express their love, but I recently found out something about one of my best friends. She’s 29 and she recently came out and told me that she doesn’t have a problem with doing anything else that involves showing love, but for some strange reason French kissing absolutely terrify her to do because she hates it so much and it makes her feel disgusted, but she doesn’t understand why or seem to have any memory why she’d feel this way. All she know is there is a sudden rush of disgust if a man attempts to French kiss her and she immediately starts to feel uncomfortable. Any thoughts?
There have been one or two occasions when I was being introduced to someone or , had just met them , when he leaned forward and stuck his tongue in my mouth . I don't know this person and I resent hm entering any part of my body , at least at this point , without my express permission . I don't know anything about this person . I don't know where he's been , what kind of germs he's collected , but is this is his reaction on a first meeting , I'm reasonably certain I'm not the first he's done this two , so in all probability , he doesn't know anything about the folks he's already entered either .
I love kissing with a tease of the tongue, though what I really dislike is a man who thinks french kissing involves sticking their tongue down your throat or eating your whole face or slobbering everywhere or a combination of all three.
When done right, french kissing makes me go weak at the knees and turn into a puddle of mush. Though thankfully I have known some amazing kissers, so know there are good ones out there.
I've also found that a woman' that is a good kisser. is also good in bed in my past experiences.
@noworry28 Agreed. And if she's not a good kisser, she's generally not good at anything else either.
My first thought as a survivor of molestations is that she may have been messed with at a young age. My first memory of being assaulted was at age 3. That could turn her off if it. But as others have said, different people have different quirks. It could be nothing at all.
I’m so glad you was brave enough to share that. Since you said that, that could always be a possibility and consideration to take in.
That's the first thing I thought, too!
Sorry that happened to you. I agree that this is likely a sign of childhood trauma.
Thank for sharing and I am sorry for your pain.
I thought the same thing.
Yup before I dealt with childhood abuse there were some odd conflicts in what I thought was "Ok". And being that averse makes me think that's what happened.
There are of course people who just don't like certain things too.
I'm not surpised by anything like this anymore. There are all kinds of mental and physical quirks. Some guys don't like blowjobs. Some people don't like chocolate. Meh. I don't worry about it.
All things being equal I wouldn't either. It's hard to know though if all things are equal. I'd treat it like a potential red flag and look for other oddness and make sure it's not a compatibility issue. But sure, a lot of men don't consider french kissing that important as long as there aren't a lot of other fussy omnipresent taboos. Come to think of it my intimate partners haven't been super into it and I can take it or leave it, so ...
Some guys don't like giving blowjobs, of course....receiving...come on?
69 is absolutely best for foreplay. IMHO
@BobMcDowell Seriously, Bob. In fact, one of our male members said so in another thread. I cannot remember his name. But, yep, it's true.
REALLY! I thought all guys like BJ's. Must lead a shelter existence.
@BlueWave WOW, receiving and anticipating BJ's are some of the things that are keeping me alive. It is always "ladies first" with me of course...a two way street.
I'm okay with blowjob's, but in comparison to what else I could be doing, they suck. I love dark chocolate, but could do without milk and white "not quite" chocolate.
@mt49er "they suck"...I see what you did there
@jlynn37 69 is amazing if done right! Lmfao!
@BobMcDowell don't be homophobic. ...felatio can be too intense and experienced men/women giving oral sex know what "stop, please that's too much" ....and of course men recounting as children that were raped by priests are trying to undo the " imprinting " upon their sexuality similar to the topic here of tongues in mouth. ...get over yourself blow job boy
@GreenAtheist dude...he was joking. And even if he wasn't I still don't see how homophobia would possibly enter into the equation xD
Not everyone is good at French kissing; and, when it is bad--it can be really bad. Perhaps she has simply not been with someone who is good at it. Or, it is something she simply will not like-- no matter what; and there is nothing to say that she must.
Agreed but maybe sometimes it's not a case of good or bad at it but compatibility. It has to flow smoothly: )
I suppose it could be that she is the bad French kisser .
I don't like being touched at all, and people (family and doctors) have asked if it is related to any trauma. It isn't for me. I've never liked being touched, even as a child I would never hug my friends or parents.
Kissing seems totally disgusting. I've never tried it. It's just a personal feeling. As long as she feels it's normal, that's cool. But, if your friend thinks there may be something else to it, particularly if it's a way she doesn't want to feel, maybe talking to a therapist is a good choice for her.
I hope my friends who enjoy sexual activity find happiness. I hope your friend finds happiness in her relationships too.
yay, I can relate, the only people who can touch me without causing me to cringe are my kids. I will never have a massage, hate people touching me.
So you're asexual lol.
But god is massage good for you, especially if you are often hypervigilant like me. I understand the whole not just going to a place to get a massage from a stranger. I need my two to three foot personal bubble with any stranger or acquaintance. There have been some not-close massage therapist friends that I've considered getting massages from, though it never panned out.
@Alynscott you shouldn't use the word masseuse unless you're specifically referring to someone who does sexual shit too. I suppose that's being pc, but I have a few massage therapist friends who are pretty put off if they're called that. X)
@Neraven I don't find being asexual an lol matter. Don't be a bigot towards the LGBTIA+ community.
If she doesn't like it , don't do it...
K.I.S.S....... Keep it simple sweetheart ...
I thought it was Keep It Simple Stupid.
@GipsyOfNewSpain in this case , sweetheart !
We call it snogging and I love it.
I had an ex that wasn't all that keen. I can see how tongues and saliva could be gross to some, guess they are.
I understand your friend's discomfort about French kissing. I have learned over time to accommodate women who like it, and will give them some. But I prefer lip kissing, (whether soft or passionate). And my transfer from one to another can be a signal to my partner as to my state of arousal. To me the French kissing sends me a signal that "Oh, now I have to perform something weird", rather than just enjoy a natural connection with another human being....and all the other pleasures that await. I am guessing that your friend, like myself, is a sensitive person.
That makes sense to me. I can relate a bit.
I should fix you up with my ex. That's what she liked too.
@shockwaverider lolz
I'm kind of funny about it. If it is just a hookup, maybe kisses on the cheek or lips, but I need to be more committed to French kiss. Seems to me to be more personal.
If other aspects of intimate contact are fine it could just be her quirk. Human sexuality is soooo diverse. I don't enjoy 69, I'll give all the BJ's (felatio) my man wants but I do not enjoy cunnilingus. As to french kissing a little tongue if fun too much is yukky. If it really botheres her a therapist might help her find some answers.
Hahaha!!’ I love cunnilingus! Lmfao I can’t help myself.
As long as there aren't all those slurping, suck your whole face in noises, I'm in.
Lmfao!!!
She may just be a kind of germophobe. Mouths can be pretty gross (Just like other body parts) if they aren't well kept... and some, it just doesn't matter, not even fire, battery acid, and bleach can get rid of the funk. Maybe she had someone in her past who was just gross that traumatized her without even being sexual. You say she likes everything else... she just needs to let whoever she gets with know, right up front, that that's on her list of 'don't go there'.
Admittedly - I'm not a huge fan of it either. I thought it was "The Bomb" when I was a pre-sex virgin - but unless it leads to somewhere less oral and more genital in my adulthood,... I don't see it as something fantastic either.
Does that make me a weirdo? Or just too focused on an endgame as regards sex and its preludes?
I don't like French kissing because it reminds me of how dogs kiss.
Oh no...I think you made me like it less ugh >_<
I don't know if its unusual, but I feel sorry for her!!!
Yeah, I could understand why you’d feel sorry for her.
I don't think it's weird... depending on the kisser, I've often found it gross as well.
I never thought about it, then a number of ladies complimented my kissing, and one ion particular goes crazy over it. Made me self conscious, then she complained we never kissed enough, that made it worse, I felt under pressure so avoided it even more. But it is not just french kissing, my least fave accent on a woman is French. This is not anything against France or french people in general, my least fave accent in a guy is Irish, but it is by far my fave in women, oh and Dutch, hmm, German, Swedish, hmm, ok all except french. But back on the kissing, not all women dig it and it has been quite a few years now since I indulged with out being conscious of doing so, ie I feel it is more a requirement rather than something I do instinctively now. I am very happy to be with women who are not into it.
I think it's gross too. My ex rammed his tongue down my throat.
Oh gawd!!! Lol that would have driven me crazy.
@EmeraldJewel It was gross.
Personal choice ....totally her choice. ...maybe she is afraid of snakes and frogs who use long tongues to capture and eat bugs. ?.....we kiss where we drink eat breathe brush teeth and some people "smoke" pressing soft lips together is not universal. ...I am told Eskimos rub noses but don't kiss. ....accept the way she reports her choices and reassure her what is normal for her is all that matters. ...if she wants to change and try sticking her tongue into a lover's mouth. ...she's in control and she need only tell her lover's tongue to stay behind the teeth until she works things out