I prefer my own imaginary lala world where neither happens. It's got fairies and unicorns, too.

It depends. I prefer someone say something negative in a positive way..i.e., instead of saying, "That outfit makes your butt look like a sofa," they could say, "It's not very flattering to your figure. Perhaps the blue outfit would be better."

I don't want people to say to me, "You've been in Thailand over seven years and that's all the better you can speak Thai?" Instead, they could say, "You've been in Thailand for over seven years? No wonder you speak Thai as well as you do!"

I rather be told the bitter truth than the sweetest lie.

My feeling is: if I know about a problem, perhaps I can fix it. I am a meliorist by nature.

Give me truth, every time. Because once I found out that person lied to me (to spare my feelings), I will never trust that person again.

If you know me personally, never lie to me.

I prefer the unadorned truth no matter how hurtful. A true friend tells you things about yourself that you do not want to hear. As for so-called friends who want to spare my feelings, I'm inclined to think that they are more afraid of my response or reactions or they are just moral cowards.

There is nothing worse than lies. James

Told the truth, If I am told in a caring and respectful manner.

I wonder, some people don't want to know if they have a genetically incurable disease when they get their genome sequenced. Would that correlate with these answers?

I had omitted truth to spare feelings. I don't get into marriage or couples problems and issues. There is a time and place for Everything. I had information once that will get someone murdered, no questions asked. I kept it to myself. Sometimes you have to protect your friends from themselves. About me... I can handle the Truth, any Truth. Those who know me well know I am very well in control of my acts and feelings so I don't need to be spared. Not everyone is like that.

I don't like being lied to - simples

Being lied to for any reason is horrible.

being lied to is the VERY worst.

g

I would neither trust or respect anyone who deliberately lied to me, no matter what the reason.

In terms of subjective stress, I narrowly vote for "hurtful truth" due to me being a conflict avoidant personality. Of course in terms of what's best for all concerned, it's honesty, so sometimes what bothers you is not a good indicator of the best route to go. The only exception would be true so-called "white lies" where there's little to be gained by being honest and maybe even things to be lost, as you can become rather a hectoring piece of shit if you insist on "tough love" in all things. Part of forebearance and acceptance is creating a zone of safety where a person can be themselves, warts and all. Pick your battles wisely. People don't need a personality workout 24/7 just so they can exactly as YOU want them to be. Also some of your requirements are simply personal preferences, not a matter of right and wrong.

As a concrete example, I'm a typical male who broods in his mental man-cave when bothered by life, and that means I'm not as selfless as I generally am. I may not pay quality attention to my wife, I may be irritable. And generally ( gasp! ) I don't want to talk about it. But if she allows me the space to work through it, and doesn't insist on taking it personally, I'm soon back to my bubbly self (hahahahaha --- sorry, just kidding).

Similarly she is approach avoidant around intimacy but paradoxically if I let her have "her space" (even though sometimes I can't help but take it personally) that is the path to getting as much intimacy as she's able to give over the long haul. Last night for example she went up early to bed, something that used to be weird to me but I've long since gotten accustomed to. She was probably fretting about her daughter, who is in the middle of a cancer scare, but I've learned not to speculate -- she's perfectly capable of telling me WTF is going on, and if she doesn't, she doesn't. Anyway, paradoxically this is part of what's great about her, which is that she doesn't put her shit on me.

Later just as I was going up to bed, she came downstairs for a snack, I said something friendly and she said words to the effect I can go up to bed now. I could have pitched a fit about "what's that supposed to mean" but I just went up to bed. Sometimes we are ships passing in the night like that. I can either accept it or get honked off about it. I'm too old to be mad all the time.

So sure I could have delivered "the hurtful truth", extemporized about my hurt feelings, and how rude and inconsiderate she was. But was that the moment to die on that particular hill? I think not. And in point of fact I doubt she meant anything about it or was particularly even thinking about it. It's no different than me grunting my way through one of my mental withdrawals. I can't expect space for me to be myself if I don't give her space to be herself.

A lie, no matter how well meant, is a cruel act. Because the truth always emerges.

Simply telling the truth at the time my be painful but nowhere near as painful and being lied to then finding the truth.

I usually don't ask a question that I do not want to hear the honest truth about. Some people give rude unsolicited statements, under the guise of being "honest" or "real". I would prefer for those people to "white lie" or keep "their truth" to themselves.