zrez’s Vows to the Members of Agnostic.com

Starting today, March 2, 2018, I will…

1.) never use a member’s screen name in a message

2.) never make a direct quote of a member

3.) not call anybody undesirable or unworthy of notice

4.) never block, criticize, or delete memberships

zrez’s Requests of the Members of Agnostic.com

Please…

1.) do not reject me

2.) do not make pejoratives about me

3.) do not give me advice

4.) submit your question and complements privately

5.) place comments about me where I can find them

6.) like

Surely the model we have in each of our brains contains flaws. Without a constant vigil and correction of these errors the flaws will multiply. I practice what I call "Algorithmic Memory" I go over and over in my mind my past. If I find an error I fix it. I remember my birth. Before I was two we lived in a different house; the bathtub had deep blue tiles with angelfish painted on them. My forth birthday, Robert Kennedy died, and nobody came. In kindergarten, a boy, repeatedly threw sand in my face from the sandbox. Two years later, the Mormon brothers in my neighborhood asked me to fix the drain by crawling under their house, where a nest of black widows waited. I remember every word verbatim my love interests have said to me. Long ago I vowed to fix everything wrong with humanity and my work will never be satisfactory. Still, a noble enterprise, can you agree?

The physical response of arousal is obviously governed by the brain. An individual who becomes aroused by a certain kind of stimulus, may not arouse someone else and vice versa. Thinking the mind and genitalia are not connected and in agreement is absurd. For biology to function it must be guided by something more than reflex; otherwise, it would erode back into the primordial goop it came from.

Fine, I will not complain about others ever again. Please refrain from talking about me in the pejorative. There will be no retrobution if you do.

Love is something that has evaded definition from the point its four letters were sequenced. Some say, "God is love." but fail to recognoze God is a fiction or at least refuses to show himself or herself if gender has a meaning in the context of a deity. If the word, "Love." is to have a definition, it should hold, its highest form would be selfless and eternal.

Too often we are concerned with our own perspective, believing "My way or the highway." We reject those who do not share our point of view. We tell them, "If you only saw things the way I do, we would get along." ignoring the fact that everybody is different. We need to be tolerant, forgiving, and patient. Communication needs to be the vehicle for understanding. If we close doors on the free exchange we shall surely never grow beyond who we are today.

This sounds alot like what I used to do -- make general statements about everyone else and just reject them before they rejected me so I could avoid being hurt. Not being able to see past my fear and pain kept me from even seeing any possibilities for years.

So is this what the whole 'male lesbian' thing in the LGBT+ forum is about? You don't know how to chat up women? You just don't have that predator instinct? Welcome to the club, mate. Been there. Done that. Got the T-Shirt. After some brief teenage same sex experimentation, I remained a practising heterosexual in my 40s. I was crap at 'chatting up' women and didn't know where to start. I have never had a relationship with a woman that didn't start through a dating ad or site, because I never had the confidence to strike up the conversation unless I could be sure they were looking for the same thing as I was. I used to have people tell me that a woman was interested in me (it did happen a few times) because I wouldn't notice. When I did notice, I usually got it wrong. I recall making a complete idiot of myself when I thought I'd 'chatted up' a waitress in a hotel. I waited for her to finish her shift and asked her if she fancied going for a drink. Turned out she was just being pleasant and doing her job, and wasn't happy that I'd taken it the wrong way.

I've always blamed my ineptitude with women on my mother. Separated from my father when I was 9 years old (divorced shortly after) I listened to her "all men are bastards" mantra on a regular basis. Having dated a few now, I can actually see where she's coming from. A lot of them are total self-serving arseholes who'll offer you the world, but take it all away the moment they orgasm. Yet some aren't, and they should be treasured. Anyhow, I wonder whether you have a similar powerful misandric female in your life that might have instilled the same sense of unworthiness of women in you.

The whole "women like bastards" thing is a bit of a cliché, but not without some truth behind it. Increasingly, women are rational about it and want a partner who will treat them as an equal. Then again, look how many copies of 50 Shades of Grey sold. A book about a woman who gives up all of her sexual inhibitions for the chance of a go in an Audi R8. We're still mammals, we haven't completely evolved beyond our animal mating instincts, and those instincts are routinely played out by people who have a BDSM dynamic in their lives. That programming is typically assertive male and passive female. Though a lot of people do enjoy reversing the roles.

Theories of a male and female mind are hotly disputed in the transgender world. There's little evidence to support it. Too much overlap between the so-called difference between male and female brain structure, and what trends are found can most plausibly be explained in different hormone levels between the sexes. Sexual dimorphism manifests in a number of ways. Bigger hands. Broader shoulders. Narrower hips. All in response to levels of masculising and feminising hormones (we all have some of both.) Why can't physical brain differences (if they exist) simply be attributed to androgen exposure? There's even the question of whether thinking like a man or a woman can affect physical brain development. A London taxi driver, learing 'the knowledge' (all of the routes around Central London, off by heart) grows a measurably larger hippocampus. Why can't feeling like you're a woman make your brain develop physical differences to someone who feels like they're a man?

Personally, I've never been a fan of the 'born this way' argument. "I'm sorry I'm broken. I've tried so hard to be what society wants me to be, but I just can't. Please don't hate me." What is wrong with being gay, transgender, or neither, but feeling you're more suited to a feminine role, as a choice? What you've actually touched on here is the absurdity of gender policing. It should be fine for there to be feminine men. It should be fine for there to be masculine women. You shouldn't need to identify a certain way to be excused for being these things.

I'm still not convinced that it makes you a lesbian, by any commonly accepted definition of the word.

TLDR? Can't say I blame you

The Mind and Body of Love

I am working to make the subject of sexual orientation a concisely defined science; an ambitious undertaking. The poorly understood mindset of people of other orientations has become a problem of epic proportions.

The brain is a complicated organ. Perhaps the most complicated organ on Earth in the case of mammals. Some may argue the female reproductive system is even more complex; but when considering this question, it is important to keep in mind the achievements and versatility of the human brain.

In choosing a mate the mind is key. There are factors considered subconscienciously and set in motion before birth. To believe the genitalia somehow determines how the mind functions is foolhardy. Biology has plans undenounced and secret. We shall never know the reasons for orientation if we simply guess.

What follows is a terribly short list of definitions.
For the sake of brevity, please understand if you are not represented.

"male" meaning "an animal having male genitalia"
"female" meaning "an animal having female genitalia"
"straight" meaning "conventional and orthodox sexual orientation"
"gay" meaning "a male mind who likes sex involving male genitalia"
"lesbian" meaning "a female mind who likes sex involving female genitalia"
"bisexual" meaning "an individual who likes sex involving male and or female genitalia"

As hinted above, the mind and genitalia can have different genders. The mind and natal genitalia are not separate. Every combination possible has a different mindset and presentation. Any notion that one combination can comprehend the emotions and motivations of another will be met with disappointment.

Sex is physical and is often used as a weapon by many parties to manipulate and control others. Love and sex, despite the temptation to believe they are synonymous, are not related at all. To believe that love is something physical is shortsighted and prejudicial. Love is often expressed selflessly and without regard to basic needs and desires the individual has.

Ladies you are far too dedicated to defending the mistakes of your past. Take a lesson from a much more experienced gal than you...

You seem really unhappy with what you perceive?
Unless your going after only shallow women - I think you have a misconception.

If you tell us the actual problem - we might be able to help.

Also I saw your original profile. You have no cause to be raining down on people for their own life experience.

After 15,000 orgasums and countless pornographic concubines a male lesbian loses intrest in his own pleasure and turns to coacsing women to feel what he has wittnesses others do for them.

Yes, it takes time and conversations!
Don't worry about connections. Corny yes but - be you - talk about things you enjoy, Listen to what she enjoys, and see where you match up. Meet again and repeat.

I could not ask for a better demonstration of the problem. Women love jackasses and reject those with veracity. The confident trailer trash scores more points because he does not let on that his words are just a con to get laid. The man who says what he thinks before testing how it sounds gets trashed and ridiculed. Women beware, your mind is a slave to manipulation.

I think that just might be a false premise. There are plenty of women here that are still looking.

Take some heart that people aren't damaged beyond repair and might actually respond to your overtures.

There's more to life than love or sex but they're both important.

This is exactly the thing. rejection, rejection, rejection... women presuppose the guy who is a smooth talker who gets his words exactly right is a good mate. nothing could be farther from the truth. go ahead, lose your virginity to an asshole but after he has cheated on you a dozen times maybe you'll give me the time of day at the minimart. And, wonder why I asked when it was on my cell phone.

I'm happier being single.

Not true. Women are apparently attracted by bold confidence, humor, and competence.It doesn't hurt to be fit and energetic, but dunno.

I'm a 65 year old female bodied person, yet even being partially transmale, I constantly attract straight women.
They often get crushes on me, then try to get revenge on me when I don't reciprocate (I'm demisexual, so can't be attracted sexually to anyone until after a year of close association).

Because I'm female, and teach, I don't have anything to offer women in the way of status or money, and it's not because of my nationality since both European and American have done this also...even before I realized I'm partially transmale.

I'm assuming it's my bold, confident manner that attracted them, not my rocking male body, handsome face, and white male status ..so that means anyone can do it.

If you are acting lovestruck and mooning around, or stalking women you will only scare them. Be bold, but NEVER needy. I didn't flirt at all, but I did listen to what women had to say, remembered, and referred to it later, complimented them on real things, indicating that I saw them as valuable people, but that might not be the reason, since I've had European women flip over me after just hanging briefly with me.