4 humorz

you should try some new weed. it's pretty strong stuff though. Much better than when you were 12. You'' need some starter weed. Maybe a joint with training wheels. I liked the rest of your story.

@kauva Thank You... I got 2 of my children trying to convince me to get a "weed card", never on m wildest high did we dreamed of our children telling us to get a "weed card".

A friend of mine relayed a story (and I can dig this up if you need me to, but I don't recall the details right now) about a gay man, in a gay marriage. Their son stated that when he grew up, he wanted to be gay just like him.

The father remembered liking to do activities that when I was young were labeled "female" when he was six. Such as hanging out with girls, baking/cooking, playing dress up, playing with dolls, etc.

His son? He liked to play with trucks, hang out with boys, thought girls had cooties, etc... in other words, he was acting like a heterosexual young boy of six years old.

He turned to his son and said that's not how it works, You are what you are, you don't grow up to be hetero-, homo-, or bi-sexual, you just ARE and eventually you will realize which you are, and, odds on, it will be obvious.

Now, do ALL boys who play with trucks, play with other young boys and think girls have cooties at six always reliably turn out to be hetero? Odds on no, but this dad had some insight into this and, I tend to agree with him. You don't choose one way or the other. As you grow you will begin to know because your feelings will develop one way or another.

Having said ALL that... I do think we are going to have a period in which some folks who aren't sure are going to say they are one thing, and realize they are another because it's popular to be this way or that. We are going to have to be patient, and carefully ride out this wave of... I don't know what to call it sexual popularity? Whatever we call it, it's going to be alluring to be one way or another and to declare it for a while. Some will do it to support friends, some because they are confused and some because they really mean it and know it. Some will change their mind as they grow. Some won't.

We just have to let them discover who they are, and love the fact that they can do what we couldn't when we were young: discover in a (reasonably) safe environment who they really are, and let them know that whoever they are, we are there to love them and are proud of them, wherever they finally do land.

@Gnarloc

I agree on letting them discover who they are. I would just be concerned that a statement made by a naive child could have life long, false repercussions if a parent was to proactively follow-up on it.

@Reignmond I agree 100%! WE, the adults, have to be careful of our biases in supporting, or not, our childrens decisions. To be honest, I don't think this is much different than your son deciding to grow very long hair, or your daughter to cut hers short, when in their teens. So long as we don't overreact, and are supportive, odds on no one will be hurt.

Now, that said, what about a child who decides they are (or is it more proper to say they need to be?) transgender?

I have a friend whose young son is transitioning and I raised my cautious hand and said: this person isn't done growing yet. Isn't this too soon? Shouldn't we let them finish the rise, as well as the bake, before we declare what kind of bread they are?

Well, it turns out that her child has gone through tons of counseling, and lots of care, and... well, the committees decision is that this person knows what they want to be and, are becoming what they always knew they were.

This is far more impactful than just deciding you want to date boys/girls or vice versa... this is surgery, and hormone treatment, and likely being bullied in school. This will have a lifelong impact!

My friend gave me enough assurance that all that could be done to make sure that this was the right path, was done. This decision, these actions were NOT taken lightly.

NOW, for a precautionary tale (and again, I can dig up the exact details that I do not have at my fingertips if you want): as I studied to get my teaching license, I was exposed to a study that says we are what we are from birth and we KNOW it. There ain't no way to change that. What did the study entail? A horror story as follows:

Couple get pregnant.

Couple have baby boy.

Circumcising Dr. slips...

...

Dr. has conversation with couple. The slip is severe. Severe enough that, nope, we can't make your boy a boy. Our only real option, is to make your boy a girl.

So, the scenario is that this is the '50s. Their infant has been... not to put too fine a point on it... mutilated. The course of recovery? Make the infant a girl. Surgery, and hormone treatment, etc, to follow. The child will never know that it was born a boy, and made to be a boy so, the child should be fine.

So, they name the child a girls name. Buy pink clothing. Buy dolls. Redecorate her room. Grow her hair long. In every 1950s way, treat her as a her. She has NO way of knowing that she was born a boy.

Guess what?

She likes to play with trucks. No Sally, here is a wonderful new doll play with it.

She likes to play with boys. No Sally, play with your little girl friends.

She thinks that girls have cooties.... when young.

She likes to rough house, wear pants... you may see where this is going.

As she grows up... she likes girls, for dating partners, NOT boys.

She eventually learns of her fate. She decides to do what she can to return to being a boy. If I recall correctly 'her' life was a living hell for 'her' and she committed suicide somewhere in the 30s.

That person KNEW what gender they were from the get go, regardless of what their body presented as. Now, we could play the game of discussing how this person had some clues. No one else had to see the Dr. so often for such a strange condition nor needed so many drugs. Especially considering that they probably never really felt sick... well, I think we could conjecture that they might well have felt sick but might well have felt that the drugs were the issue, rather than helping.

The study of this person was pretty clear that you can do all you want to try and program a person to be what you want them to be, but what they are is what they are.

Because of this and other studies I've read, and experiences I've had, well, vicariously, through training, I am convinced: nature knows and tells us. We either listen, or we are miserable.

BUT, again, it could be a phase, or a fad... just honor and love her and let her make, and potentially change, decisions. Consult professional help only if necessary.

@Gnarloc
Adults going through a gender crisis have a very hard time figuring it out. It would seem a child, who is not knowledgeable of even the definition of the terms, would have a harder time of it. Plus, children are notorious for saying spontaneous and spurious things. The Parent needs to try to figure out what brought this condition on. It is a very big decision that can wait.

Nothing I have said is in opposition to what you are saying here.