I think dating and monogamy might be the same for some people, if that’s how you do dating. But you have to assume that your relationship isn’t monogamous until you have a conversation where you’ve agreed that you are both doing that.

If I'm in a relationship, it's because I want monogamy. If I don't want monogamy, I won't be in a relationship. Nobody cares what you do if you're not in a relationship. Be upfront and honest.

I've seen some posts on this site that seemed a bit judgmental, that implied that anyone who would even casually date more than one person at the same time must have deep seated issues, or is just flat out morally wrong.

I don't want to crash the next plane that comes along. I want to try the helicopter and hang gliding and the hot air balloon, too. And I guess that since I've never really done these things before, I'm looking for advice and validation.

I think of it this way, when I was in my 20s and my relationships lasted less than a year, I would have called myself a serial monogamist. I was exclusive for the duration of the relationship. They lasted anywhere from 2 months to 9 months between the ages of 18 to 24 before I met my husband. And there were plenty of times I was single and not dating anyone. There was that one time I was dating two guys at once with a 3 week overlap. Kinda hot but really exhausting because the one never knew about the other until I could decide what to do with the boyfriend who threatened to commit suicide as a way to keep me from breaking up with him. After that 3 week period, I broke up with him for good. I kept the other one and eventually married him. As an aside, I found out many years later the other one ended up getting married and having a kid and had a good life without me so breaking up with him was the best thing for him.

While married, I spent a time being polyamorous. 18 years later we parted ways (and I swear it was by being with other people that kept me staying that long with him) and I've been monogamous for about 4 years with my current partner. Not because I don't want others, but because I haven't found any others I felt strongly compelled to bed. I did, however, make some new poly friends which has been wonderful.

I consider myself still emotionally poly though, as I have some deep love and affection for my male friends, even if I don't sleep with them. It's been very wonderful and I love not having to limit how I express my love for anyone just because I'm in a relationship.

I did the polyamorous thing once and it left me with severe scars. Not ever going that route again. At all. Ever.

For me dating isnt a relationship until you've agreed you're in a relationship. I dated this guy and by that I mean we went on dates. Super great guy, lots of fun on the dates but about date 5 we decided to talk about where this was headed. In the end we both decided mutually we just made excellent friends and neither of us felt anything besides cousin-like comadre. It was a good idea to talk about it, because we were both stressing on how to tell the other that there was no real romantic feelings

Everyone is different.... what ever toots your horn as long as you're honest about it ..

You're wants are what's important. If you want to date multiple people until you decide what you want I think that's the whole point of dating. One or two dates doesn't change your relationship status. Set your own rules around what you want and need just let the other people involved know what the rules are.

I date an infinite number of women at one time because I exist in a multiverse.

I'm tired.

You're not the only one. I think it might be healthier to not be monogamous but not sure if I could do it. Too many years of seeking and engaging in monogamy. I hope you can figure out what's best for you. If you feel comfortable I would be very interested in your experiences. Maybe I could learn something and even change my perspective.

I don't think there is one definition of 'doing it 'right' '; it's about doing what works for you, and experimenting, trying things to see what works and what doesn't. Only when you find someone who's 'right' lines up with yours should you even consider exclusivity, IMHO.

I think if you are dating, quote unquote, you are not sleeping with them. If you are not sleeping with them then you don't owe anyone monogamy. Exclusivity , I think, is where you are having sex and agree not to see others romantically, but does not necessarily imply a permanent commitment. Maybe.

Damn!!! You mean I had a choice? one at a time has always been plenty for me. I don't think dating has a 'right way" if everyone's being upfront and no ones getting hurt then its ok

I do not feel there is a difference between monogamy and exclusivity. Either way you and one other person have agreed to not mash genitals or lips with anyone else.

I have been in a open relationship a few times and never seems to work. It was fun and games for them until I mentioned there was someone else I was going to see.

Someone's feelings always seem to get hurt despite open, truthful communication. More often then not it seems someone hides things to not hurt the others feelings. It requires a great deal of trust, comfort and communication on both ends.

Is there such a thing as right? We focus too much on social constructs. The truth is dating and relationships are just a big roll of the dice. You win some and you lose some. If you get really lucky one day you may hit the perfect roll and stop playing. I like this analogy because the law of averages proves that I can't crap out forever right??

I think that I'm just monogamist. Meaning that I married and have never fully detached from that relationship even though it hasn't been very good for me. I think it must be programed into my genes.

I have seen friends and aquatances fall in love, get married and then get divoriced all in the time that I'm ambivalent about leaving my marriage... in some ways, even though part of me seeks it, I can't comprehend being married to someone else.

I consider myself a serial monogamist. I think if you bring any imagination to the table there's no need to be intimate with more than one person. That coupled with how complex we are makes the idea of pursuing multiple sexual relationships seem lazy to me. But I've a long track record of being wrong so hey, time will tell.

Even if I know the end is eventually coming, I want to enjoy the meantime with at least the illusion of true love. I've never found myself lusting after multiple people at the same time. I won't want to spend our time together feeling sick because he's running around with other people. I don't believe in forever, but I have high standards for right-now.

I am curious about this as well. I am divorced and deciding how I should approach relationships going forward.

My guess is the difference is serial monogamy doesn't have as much intention for longevity, as say dating someone for potential marriage. Forming a bonding and intimate relationship with another is still very valuable, but with the understanding that it will likely run its course.

I could be wrong though.

Monogamy is a boa constrictor to me. I was married to a monogamist and I hated it but thought that's what everybody does so I did it but basically she was just a dependent I had to pay for, entertain, listen to without ever having an opinion of my own and answer to. I got the honor of going to work and bringing my paycheck home and giving it to her so she could spend it any way she wanted. When she got a job her paycheck was her paycheck and mine was our paycheck. Man I grew to hate that bitch. Then I come to find out most women are just like her. So no way am I going to play monogamy again. I date several women now and have for many years and they know about each other and they know I'm never getting married again. When a woman asks me out on a date now and I want to go on a second date I tell them how I live my life. If they don't want to go on a second date thats up to them. There are too many women that are happy to go out to dinner and get laid and go home to waste time on women who's sole mission is to "get a man" to pay the bills, provide a house, food, vehicle, be a stand up comedian, a never speaking therapist to listen to never ending whining about how bad her life is, to fill the dishwasher correctly and vacuum the floors so she "might" put out. F that. I also insist they keep their own men or women friends.

First, I validate your feelings. Dating at "our age" must be absolutely mind-boggling. (yes, I'm way older, but still, we aren't kids) I think you are saying you want to "date around." That isn't the same as sleeping around. Although, I am not saying that'd be wrong.

Where is it written you can only be interested in one person at a time? See who you want, when you want. Do what feels good. No one owns you and you don't owe anyone your total attention and devotion.

However ... that's my view and I'm not sure everyone shares it. It seems most people think you should only date one person at a time, which makes no sense. How big is your town? If you date Pat on Friday night, but go out with Sam on Saturday, will it get back to Pat. (Androgynous names used on purpose. Couldn't remember your profile.)

I'm not a serial monogamist. When I am with someone, I am completely there with that person.

If you're curious, check out [morethantwo.com]

I consider I have been a serial monogamist, not by choice, just a string of relationships that didn't last very long. When I am in a relationship, (to date) I have been only with that one person. Relatuionship dies, I move on/

Ideally id like a women as mostly a friend but with benefits who has her own home, life but with honesty and some mutuel ground rules. being a very sexuel person I would look at every possibillity as an opertunity as im also human. I still want honesty if it was a one off thing.

Uncommitted relationships are the only way to travel. Makes for more interesting times and things to talk about and really learn about one another. I noticed in the last few years couples who had families and were never married until they came to the conclusion that it was just a piece of paper that had nothing to do with the relationship. Religious People see it as more profit and then people would go to church not because of thier religious beliefs but because of the particular person or type of service. Drugs have brought a lot of other experiences of a more positive nature as a more accepting feeling of being spiritual, mystic, psychic, or far out.

Uncommitted relationships are the only way to travel. Makes for more interesting times and things to talk about and really learn about one another. I noticed in the last few years couples who had families and were never married until they came to the conclusion that it was just a piece of paper that had nothing to do with the relationship. Religious People see it as more profit and then people would go to church not because of thier religious beliefs but because of the particular person or type of service. Drugs have brought a lot of other experiences of a more positive nature as a more accepting feeling of being spiritual, mystic, psychic, or far out.