Hi Clayton,

I think there's very good advice in some of the posts below.

The fact that you opened up about this is great, please don't feel foolish. I have been battling major depression and anxiety for nearly 4 decades, I've always been a functional depressed person, worked hard despite depression, but I've relied heavily on therapists and medication (still do). There are no quick fixes.

You don't give too much information about how long you've been feeling like this. It may be that you're "just" in a temporary slump of depression as opposed to major depression. That doesn't lessen the pain and lack of joy you're feeling.

1. You display some of the signs associated with depression, if you want to "fix" things I suggest that you start here. Depression robs you of motivation. Go see a therapist in your area, there is nothing wrong with that and there will never be a "good" time to go to a therapist. The therapist can assess your mental state and can guide you in the question of whether you need to get medical treatment.

Please don't fall into the trap of thinking that you're lazy or unmotivated. Depression, even in its "milder form" distorts your thinking, please believe me when I say this. If you get treatment for depression you will find that you will become more motivated.

2. You are isolated. Loneliness is extremely unhealthy- studies have found that chronic loneliness is as damaging as smoking 14 cigarettes a day. I'm not sure how you can get over the isolation, but I can tell you that finding even a single person who doesn't believe that our lives are magically governed from beyond the clouds helps a hell of a lot. Try to identify like-minded people in your area, even if you place an ad in the local newspaper (desperate times and all that).

3. Good food and exercise plays a definite roll in our mental state and getting enough (or even some) of both will help. Alcohol plays havoc on one's mental state, please avoid it if you can.

4. I have read that having an atheistic world view can predispose one to depression and it seems to make sense. I don't have any kids myself and for years I toiled with a nagging feeling that all of my efforts are in vain. Religion is a nice pacifier for many people. Having the moral fortitude to face the reality of life without resorting to magic can be depressing, or liberating, or both.

The thing about depression is that the sooner you get help the less likely you are to go into major depression. Leave it and it spreads like cancer, you can get it out but the damage increases exponentially.

Please see a therapist, they really can help, but bear in mind that you're creating a relationship with a person. If you're not happy with the first therapist you meet, go to another one. You will either "click" with the therapist or not. If you don't click the challenge is not the therapeutic process, it's just the person.

This matters a lot to me. Three days ago a mate of mine, a dad with two bright kids, a beautiful wife and a successful business shot and killed himself at the age of 46.

Good luck mate, let us know how you're getting on.

Cheers

C

There is nothing pathetic about asking for help when you need it. It is the smart thing to do actually. You don't have anything to be embarrassed about. I have suffered on and off depression for years. My advice to you would be to go to your doctor. Everything else will be a lot easier after you get your depression under control. Keep in touch by PM if you want. My mom is a clinical social worker and may be able to help you if you need it.

Food related issues should be explored. Consumption of wheat can result in chronic fatigue syndrome.

Depression is a bitch dude. Religion wouldn't cure it, but your doctor might be able to. Get thee to a doctor.

What makes you think any of your problems have anything to do with being an atheist? I suspect maybe your a believer with a message for us lazy, drunk, T.V. watchen, slack jawed, godless, sinners.

I am so sorry you are struggling. You are clearly suffering from depression, I lived with someone who did for many years and it’s a difficult journey.

If you cannot get to a doctor then take it a day at a time, with small things. It’s a bit like eating an elephant, one bite at a time, as they say.

If you have a garden try doing some gardening. Scientists have found that working on the land has benefits for depression, there’s some chemical in the soil apparently. Maybe volunteer somewhere in your spare time; it gets you out of the house and maybe you’ll meet some new people. Go for walks (borrow a dog?)

But if you can get medical help, you should. You have an illness, like diabetes or high blood pressure, and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Maybe there’s a self help group nearby you can join? If you can beat your depression then your atheism will just be another aspect of your life.

You sound somewhat depressed to me, which may be exacerbated by a certain nihilism that often accompanies atheism. The idea that we're in a deterministic universe with no heavenly purpose can, on the surface, feel like nothing matters. But that's not really the case. Even if life has no cosmic meaning, our actions have consequences and we can make our own meaning and give our lives purpose. We can help our neighbors when they're in need. We can be a comfort to others. Focus on things outside yourself and you'll feel more energized, and that may lead to healthier choices in your own life without the heavy weight of conscience bearing down on you. You may start to eat better and exercise more and take an active interest in life once again. But you may still have some emotional darkness. Counseling may be helpful, if you find the right therapist. (I have a friend in therapy currently, and she's not feeling like it's doing her much good — but I think there are some value conflicts that are making this particular arrangement less effective for her.) Anyway, it sounds like you're engaging in some escapism; my recommendation is to list some things you can do that focus outwardly (e.g., specific community involvement and volunteering) and use that as your primary escape, dwelling less on where you feel you're falling short from day to day. The more you look outwardly, the less you'll be affected by the things that have you feeling demotivated. Good luck to you.

I grew up atheist so I can't relate to that being the lack of motivation issue. I'll tell you my trick for the gym though. I did a "triathlon" at work where we did so many miles of swimming, biking, and walking (or elliptical) and it was so satisfying collecting miles that after it was over I decided to keep going. I figured out the miles of Highway 20, the longest road in the US. It starts in Newport OR, where I live, and ends in Boston. I have a percentage formula for each activity (how many miles and how long to accomplish) and I've been breaking states in half and just going. I started a year ago and I'm in the second half of WY now. It's fun to look on the satellite map and see where you "are." Message me if you want the formulas and maps. I use an app called Goal Tracker to keep track of everything. When I'm done with this I'm going to do the miles from the Shire to Mordor now I just need to find someone to do weights with...

your troubles do not stem from atheism. self-discipline is not nurtured by outside discipline -- it could work the opposite way, in fact. but you seem to be rather hard on yourself. you don't have to change your life suddenly in every aspect all at once. set small goals for yourself (or just one goal at a time); they're easier to achieve and you get used to them and then you're ready for more. you can't go from sleeping all day to running the four-minute mile. one day you set the goal of getting out of bed. the next day you set the goal of getting dressed. by the time you've got your running shoes on and the door open, you've achieved a lot! but i will say that alcohol is a depressant and apart from anything else it's doing to you, it is depressing your mood. you may want to set a schedule for yourself in terms of cutting down (rather than quitting outright). set an easy one. there is no shame in taking things slowly.

g

p.s. you're right -- do not take your uncle's medicine. a doctor may have the same idea or a different one, but consult one, definitely. and remember: a selective seratonin reuptake inhibitor won't cure all your problems, and it won't do anything quickly at any rate. do you know how those work? there are two possible seratonin problems. one would be that your brain isn't producing enough of it. seratonin is a neurotransmitter that tells various parts of your brain what to do, from sleeping to having a certain mood to all kinds of stuff. if you don't have enough, your brain isn't getting the messages it needs and it starts goofing off, so to speak. my understanding is that this isn't the more common of the two problems. the more common problem is that your brain produces enough seratonin but drinks it back up before it can circulate and give its commands. zoloft is one of many ssris that prevent that from happening. but not all people respond to every ssri the same way, so the doc may want to give you a different one, or one that works with different (or more) neurotransmitters, or even want to give you zoloft and then realize that's not the one for you. so definitely consult with a doctor you intend to keep in touch with so you can work on finding JUST the right one -- but you can't drink alcohol with any of them.

I get it.
It's hard sometimes when you know you are so much in a minority.
This community has been extremely helpful for me in that respect.

It's good that you've started making changes for yourself. Exercise can
be very helpful with depression, which is what it sounds like one of your
issues is. I say that as someone who has been diagnosed as such.
Getting help is definitely a step in the right direction.

Going to the doctor is a very good idea, please stop procrastinating. Getting a therapist would also be likely to be helpful.
Zoloft may not be what you need, so good choice not to take it.

Perhaps you could go online and see if there are any atheist/agnostic
meetups in your area. If not, maybe you could start one.
It's quite likely that you are not the only non-believer in your area.

If you feel like you want to chat, you can message me.
I might not be as good as a therapist, but I can listen.

At age 13, I became an atheist when I realized the Bible is just a book of stories written by men. No regrets.

As an organized person, I stay disciplined by eating healthy, avoiding alcohol, not taking drugs, hiking, running, weightlifting and stretching. I enjoy volunteering.

Habits usually take several weeks to change. Healthy eating and exercise can become a positive lifestyle.

How to Change Unhealthy Habits by Teri Goetz MS, LAC, ACC, Psychology Today:

[psychologytoday.com]

Take one day at a time. Make yourself one small thing that you will do or achieve each day. How you feel will eventually pass, but most importantly, every day before you fall asleep, think of five things that you can be grateful for in your life, no matter how small.

I feel ya I often hit similar slumps, or stay in varying degrees of the same slump for years. The things I’ve learned other than the obvious about bringing myself out of it is: don’t try to change all your bad habits at once. Pick the most consequential thing and find a correction or replacement for it. Do that for a couple weeks solid before changing anything else. It’ll help build momentum and you’ll stick with your changes if you focus on them one at a time.

Also make it a point to finish what you start, regardless of success or failure see it through. That’ll have a huge impact on your opinion of yourself. You already know a good deal of things you need to do to pull yourself out of it; at the risk of sounding like an AA meeting, the trick is literally just taking it one step at a time. Don’t get discouraged looking at the pile of shit to do. Look at the part you can reach and just start doing it. And appreciate every little bit of slack that gains you to work on the next mess behind it. Good luck!

Victor Valley Atheists, Agnostics, and Skeptical Thinkers (Apple Valley ...
[meetup.com]
A community of Atheists, Agnostics, and Skeptical Thinkers, who gather together to have fun, support one ... Get the Meetup app for Android ... Apple Valley, CA.

If this groip is not close for you I am sure they can inform you of another/s close to where you live.

1. See a doctor...BEFORE YOU EVEN TAKE AN ASPIRIN. Your uncle shouldn't have given you any medicine. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE, SEE A DOCTOR. YOU MAY BE DEPRESSED.

2. Join a local Atheist group.

I was not a particularly organized or driven person when I was an xian, and now the only thing that has changed is I openly acknnowledge my lack of belief. Discipline, not so much, ever. Never was, likely never will be.

This isn’t an atheist or non-atheist problem. It has nothing to do with belief in ‘gods.’

I believe you should go to your doctor and tell them what you said here. They will likely put you in the right direction. I also think a counselor would be helpful.

You know what would help, but as it is easier said then done, go seek help so you can get the motivation you need.

I really don't think any of those problems are due to your atheism. Do you think anything would be solved if only you came to Jesus?

I think all you seem to be lacking is motivation. Get interested. Set some goals and go to it. You're just in a temporary slump. Good luck to you.