Empty Nest
I have looked around the site's groups but I would like to know if there is a group here specifically concerning parents whose children are "grown and flown". I have a lot of complex feelings and ideas about how to be the best I can be as a parent of my two grown sons, whom I raised by myself.
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.This issue has plagued me since they started driving. My son who lives here temporarily is on his way back from a Competition in Indiana. They get no sleep while they're there between rehearsing and performing. Then when it's over they have to drive forever to get home on no sleep. And I can't sleep for worrying about them falling asleep at the wheel. Whereas, a religious counterpart might be all, Jesus has got this, don't worry go to bed.
Celestia
Level 5
Mar 12, 2018
0
I'm new here, but I do get the sense that a lot of threads lead back to the primary reason we're here on earth and how we got here.
I'm glad you've created this group for us, and I hope it catches on for a few reasons. But how it directly relates to agnosticism/atheism for me is that at my age and without a partner (widowed), a lot of people in the same boat talk a lot about how their faith gets them through the dark/lonely times. And good for them. But I want to talk about how we get ourselves through the dark and lonely times. Times that all of us have regardless of partner status or with or without offspring.
I just happen to be dealing with having adult children who I love beyond all reason, and what or whom to lean on when that journey is difficult and made more so by the unknown. Which is to say, it's new to me and I want to hear how others handle it.
Celestia
Level 5
Mar 11, 2018
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My kids ard 21 and 18. The 21 YO dropped out of college for two quarters and stayed home for a few months. She is trying to get back yet this month, but needs her room mates to request her as fourth room mate. Time will soon tell, I guess.
My son graduates from high school in May. We are waiting to hear back from colleges. He is a percussionist, hoping to find a way to play beyond high school.
Zster
Level 8
Mar 10, 2018
1
Was he in band? What instrument does he play?
Oh yes! Band was/is his passion! He's primarily a mallet guy, was center marimba in the pit. He also played tenors in the stands. In concert band, he played a little of everything except tympani.
That was how my son was. I was so glad when he joined band in 9th grade. They really are a tribe and most of them nerds (in a good way). When he was a senior he got involved in DCA and DCI. Organizations that carry the whole marching band thing to the next level. It depends on what part of the country you live in, but here we were fairly close to several of the organizations. He was with a couple of them, but he did a few years with the Hawthorne, NJ Caballeros as their center snare. He can do all the percussion instruments but it's the snare drum for him.
Perhaps we should create one. If there is not a ton of participation initially, as the site gains members, interest could/should go up. My nest empties this fall for the first time. I raised the kids solo, and am a bit concerned how it will go. How long has yours been empty? Do your kids come back for summers or any extended visits? (feel free to pm me, if you would prefer).
Zster
Level 8
Mar 10, 2018
1
Hi, my kids are 8 years apart. With my oldest it wasn't so bad. Then again maybe it's like remembering labor as "not that bad". My younger son the sadness was bad. But then there was a twist: he's back home. He's still in school but he has an internship at our Capitol, so he's living with me again. And he's mostly a jerk right now. He travels every weekend with a Percussion Ensemble, and I am glad to have my house back. My older son was a jerk from age 12 to 29 and now he's full of compassion and appreciation for me and we get along better than we ever have. I say to older son "Your brother is being an asshole", and instead of getting defensive for his brother, he's sympathetic of me. And this is but ONE example of our interactions causing me pain and confusion. To add to it, my Mom and my therapist were my two confidants, and my mom died 5 years ago and now my therapist is retiring because cancer. I don't really have friends to talk to about my kids. I KNOW they are grown ass men. I did a good job of raising them myself. But the instinct to mother them and the behavior of worrying excessively about them sucks a lot sometimes. Sorry that was so long!! Thank you for reading and relating. 😏
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