Have you had intense friendships that dissolved once you get home?
Intense new friendships are usually built on an activity that is being shared. While hiking or traveling, I have bonded with people. But each friendship expired at about the same time as the backcountry permit that led to them.
Andy and I were inseparable during a two-week, YMCA career development program in my 20s. We were at a YMCA camp in the San Gabriel Mountains outside Los Angeles.
Andy was from California while I had a boyfriend in Seattle. Our intense friendship (mutual attraction/no sex) dissolved during my short flight home. But I'll never forget Andy.
"Being thrown into new and unpredictable circumstances can generate the need to build what could be considered a social security support net," said Suzanne Degges-White, chair of the counseling department at Northern Illinois University.
"Evolution has programmed us to build and rely on such systems when we're working toward a new or challenging goal, so we are more willing to establish relationships with people we might never have befriended in the first place."
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I have one friendship which I have had since I was 13 or 14. He is like family. I have moved a lot and have had at least one great friendship in those places I have lived. Those friendships were based on a specific place and time, and when those circumstances changed the connection disappeared.
Sticks48
Level 9
June 29, 2019
1
I once had an long involved conversation on an overnight train trip. We really connected and he tried to get me to change my plans to go where he was going. I didn't. I had a neighbor who was a good supportive friend during my divorce, but we both moved and things petered out. Some friendships are in the moment and others last. It doesn't make them any less valuable.
Stephanie99
Level 8
June 29, 2019
1
the cold harsh light of sobriety has dissolved many relationships.
callmedubious
Level 8
June 28, 2019
1
As they say: People come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.
Tinocca
Level 7
June 28, 2019
1
@Tinocca You realize that you are on an agnostic site, right?
@Stephanie99 Absolutely. I don’t see any religious connotation to what I said. I have had people in my life for specific periods of time and then we exited each other’s lives . It is simply a way to categorize the interactions.
@Tinocca I was partway joking. That "things happen for a reason" statement is usually made in the context of an ourside force arranging things.
Yep. Every "Road Scholar" adventure trip we take.... this happens. We've only kept in touch with one other couple that we try to sync up these trips with. Same thing happened to me in the military. Your analysis of the reasons is accurate.
bigpawbullets
Level 9
June 28, 2019
1
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I think it happens at least once in everyone's life.
Williamcristiano
Level 5
June 28, 2019
1
My daughter is entering into a situation similar to what you describe. She’s an intern at a 12,000 acre arts center west of Billings, MT. She’ll be living and working with several others near her age. It’ll be interesting to see how it all works out.
Haemish1
Level 8
June 28, 2019
1
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