When my daughter was nine (so, tens years ago) we moved back to Alabama. The long-time friend I was engaged to decided she wanted to expose the kids to Church. Southern.Baptist.Church.
Now, keep in mind that I had been raised with a Catholic father, and a Sounthern Baptist mother. I was literally told to drink wine for communion, then told to ask forgiveness for drinking the wine. So - obviously - I had some trepidation.
So, the first time we went was Easter Sunday. We're sitting together in this large, metal building - the kind that my uncle had run a mechanics Garage out of for fifty years, only with folding chairs and a stage, instead of a grease pit and a lift. The people on stage are dancing and singing. Hell, they may have been drinking Strychnine for all I know, and I am sure there were snakes in there somewhere. Anyway, the people start talking about all the horrors that Christ was made to endure as he walked down Crucify Lane. My daughter was completely aghast (as only a nine year old can be) as her soon-to-be Grandfather started explaining everything. At the end of the tale, he told Branwyn that it was all ok, because even though he died, Jesus came right back.
As stocially as you can image, B looked at him, folder her arms, and said 'That's the part that bothers me!'
She thought that made Jesus a zombie.
Good times!!!
16
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Good one.
And as per me - when they say do I believe that Jesus died for my sins, I answer that I do not need (and correspondingly haven't authorized) anybody to die for my sins. My sins are my own and when the moment comes for me to stand in front of God (if we assume there is one) and he asks have I done these, I will answer "Yes, I have", for not taking responsibillity for your deeds is the biggest sin of them all. Up till now haven't met a Christian to give a proper counter-statement to this one.
blago84
Level 5
Mar 16, 2018
1
Branwyn actually sounds like a perfectly Pagan name.
What is the origin?
BufftonBeotch
Level 8
Mar 16, 2018
2
it's old Irish, or old Welsh (depending on spelling, and your worldview). And - THANK YOU!
I hope that was the end of the Church exposure...
NothinnXpreVails
Level 8
Mar 15, 2018
1
oh yes; she's smarter than that (and so am I)
The first Catholic Mass my Jewish SIL went to was Easter Sunday where the enitre congregation responds "Crucify him!". Watching her face was priceless!
RavenCT
Level 9
Mar 15, 2018
4
Crucify a Jew? No wonder Adolf was so liked in Catholic Germany.
Crucify Lane.
Better ring than Golgotha Hill.
Which sounds like one of those bad found footage horror movies.
BufftonBeotch
Level 8
Mar 15, 2018
3
When my daughter was small this dumb-ass church actually thought it apropriate to have a puppet show where a quesioning monkey got swallowed by a snake.
My parting words were "Fuk all'yall"
Which is perfect dialect in that region.
BufftonBeotch
Level 8
Mar 15, 2018
6
It was summer Bible School by the way. Which was generally benign even in my hell fire upbringing.
A questioning monkey being punished by being swallowed alive and screaming?
What serious sick fuk thought that was a good lesson?
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