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How do you deal with having to hide your atheism?

I’ve been an atheist for a couple of years now. I’m from an extremely religious area. I’m in college so, originally, the plan was to go far far away and actually be able to be open about my lack of belief while there. Unfortunately, my family went through some issues while I was away and I had to come back to help support them. I’m still in college but have to commute quite a ways to get there and usually have to come back immediately after my classes are over. Unfortunately, this town keeps shoving Christianity down my throat. I do not believe but the area is small enough that if I say something, the word will get out and I am genuinely scared of what will happen in that case. Does anybody have any advise that I can use to keep me from going crazy?

thegabster 5 Aug 10
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55 comments

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7

Everyone saying “Don’t!” Is speaking from privilege they don’t even know they have. Glad y’all all have the money to just ditch your life and move away or the circumstances that don’t threaten your livelihood and even your life in these circumstances. So not helpful!

As for resources, you’re already doing well with creating an online community here. Godless in Dixie deals with issues of “coming out” or NOT and how to cope. Especially his earlier blogs. Take care of yourself in terms of your health and well-being and try to avoid the conversations if possible. Not every mention has to be a debate. Find other ways to engage with people and if that’s not working, there are seasons sometimes in life when you’re just on your own a bit. Read. Knit. Run. Whatever occupies your time and mind in healthy ways and know that this, too, shall pass.

Thank you. I really appreciate the advice

True our Atheism is waving a red flag in front of the charging bull xians
....be careful everywhere

“Don’t” has zero to do with privilege
That’s just an odd link to even consider

@darthfaja It’s accusatory and presumes the OP A) hasn’t thought of that and B) has the ability and security to just let it fly when she’s already said she doesn’t. Anyone who says they don’t care if they face consequences has never had to face serious or dangerous ones and that is privilege.

@brainyactress you’re making the same presumptions. It’s not privilege.

@darthfaja nonsense

@brainyactress
Exactly my point

Sure some of it may be privilege
But that word has become the catch phrase slogan of the day
It’s used too much and not always with accuracy

I don’t understand you and I could never do that
You must be privileged!!!
No, maybe they are just brave

6

Posts such as this one make me feel especially glad that I live in a country where the majority of people are agnostic or atheist, and even religious folk believe it's better to live and let live, and makes me feel truly sorry for people such as yourself who might experience real problems being accepted in society (or even face actual physical violence) were you to be open about your atheism.

I think that the best thing to do for now is keep quiet, because it's never worth putting oneself in danger, and keep on working hard at college - it's your best way out. Stay strong 🙂

Jnei Level 8 Aug 10, 2019

Okay! Thank you for the response. The fact that so many people care enough to even reply means a lot. I only have a couple of more years! I can do this!

6

I am in the same boat. I am a farmer in a rural area where in town, it seems there is a church on every corner. I have a Baptist preacher next door and a religious nut across the road. I can't wait to move away from here but like you, I am stuck due to family issues. I can't offer advice but only let you know you are not alone.

I feel you. I technically live 15 minutes from the closest town and, yet, there is still a church in my tiny tiny neighborhood. Christianity and the church are engrained in everything. At least I have this site and know that I’m not alone though. That helps a lot.

5

Because you are young and in college, the chance that you will find others who are also atheist is high, because "no religious preference" is the fastest growing group of people under 30. People are a lot more tolerant than they used to be, so being open about your lack of religion is more acceptable.

that is probably not true in this particular college. i still suggest a change of college. there are secular schools out there.

g

5

Your plan is a solid one with one caveat, as you've described. Now, instead of moving away, getting your education, and being able to be true to yourself, you will have to invert a couple of factors. Get your education, move away, be true to yourself. Solid plan. It is the same plan I enacted for myself 25 years ago and for the same general reasons that you are dealing with now.

4

These online communities can be pretty cathartic, it helps more if you can find someone to vent to about it. I was fortunate enough to have my brother who is the only other atheist in my extremely religious family. If you can find someone in your area that’ll help or find someone on here to vent to I find that helps a lot (and watching hitchslap compilations).
As for my parents, I’m in that limbo situation where I haven’t told them but I don’t go out of my way to hide it. I’ve moved halfway across the country so I could manage it if they found out and cut ties with me (which is probable considering how they treat my brother who did come out to them), so I’m not worried about it. In your predicament, definitely don’t come out if your at all concerned about your safety. Wait until your independent from them. Best of luck to you my fellow friendly neighborhood heathen

4

I don't hide my beliefs at all. If there are consequences for that then I will deal with it. I have been rejected and lost friends for being with a black man, so I have no fear of any rejection. I just move on.

4

I completely understand where you're coming from. We have the same issue. My family has no idea. Where I work, if I disclose, I could be not only ostracized, but there's even a chance it could effect my ability to stay employed. I usually just keep things somewhat vague and I've told family members stuff like, "Oh, I'm just not super religious." Or, that religion is just not my top priority right now. Once when a family member asked, "Well, just what DO you believe?" I just said, "That's between me and my maker." (The universe, Big Bang, our star... LOL) I have also told them that I just have my own views on [it]. and that they are somewhat different from lots of people, and I choose not to discuss it. I have learned the magical art of changing the subject. People love talking about themselves, so getting them onto that line of convo is usually easy. If all else fails, I go with their own bible passage about not praying in public and not making a big public show of it. And I tell them that I believe that it's a personal thing and that a "true believer" doesn't owe anyone an explanation of what they believe. That can sometimes shut them right up. There are times when you'll know it's ok to disclose, and you don't have to put yourself in any kind of danger, and yes, atheist have been hurt because of their lack of belief, so follow your instincts and stay safe.

There is always the possibility that coming out atheist to someone might backfire on you later if that person wants to hurt you by using the information. Yes, it could even cost you your job.

4

Hide? Hmmm.... I'm 6 foot 3 and half Scottish. I don't hide much from anyone.

4

Why would I hide it? I live in an area where I pass three churches just driving 1.5 miles for Taco Bell Religion is everywhere The least I can do is have balls enough to own who I am.

4

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.

Only you can determine what you're comfortable with.
I've never hidden my atheism.
If it comes up, I don't shrink from confrontation, but that's also my nature.
I always advise others to be bold. Most believers expect us to to cower before
their "god". I don't, and it usually hangs them up.

This is an excellent place to come when you don't feel like you can be yourself
in the "real world".
There is acceptance here, as long as you don't act like an asshole.
😉

"There is acceptance here, as long as you don't act like an asshole."

This eliminates about 40% of everything I post. 😟

@Sgt_Spanky Bein' kind of generous with that 40%, aren't we?
😉

I’m glad their’s acceptance somewhere. It really does help. I’m super lucky to have found this website!

3

I went to a school surrounded by churches. There are generally a lot more atheists on college campuses than you may think. Although I understand, it’s hard to just open up. Whatever university you’re at you may actually find a school group/club for people? I did in mine, all places are different. Hopefully you found an outlet/ confidant, people to confide in are very important.

3

“My Mama always said it was bad taste to discuss religion or politics and I have found it good advice.” Add “Especially in the work place/school!” If that’s where you are. If they keep it up can you fake a yawn? Look bored, check the watch, finally, “welp, gotta go!” Then do so.

I too was told "Don't talk about religion or politics" and it influenced me.

Years later while doing politics I heard, "What you don't talk about is how you will be controlled by those who do talk about it."

'Tis probably wise to pay attention to where you are.

@yvilletom In this case, I am talking about when it is none of their business what I believe. In the work place or any time I think it is invasive to my person or time.

3

As a member of a Muslim family was it hard to hide. I hold on for one year and then I revealed it in Ramadan to my family and then my father tried to convince me to go back but I showed him very strong proofs of unexciting God, and I expected that I will be kicked out of our home. But in this moment I created my first blog where I showed my religious friends some truths about religions and even the Turkish Islamic friends were confused but they didn't treated me bad and they were open minded enough, even the most religious was giving me dumb answers when I ask him about violent verses in Quran. Don't forget, that I live in Germany with Christian majority, but most people are not talking about religion, sex and politics

Good for you my Atheist comrade. Beware the fatwas invading Germany and muslim rapists attacking women without veil

3

Thankfully, I seldom get asked. Nosing around such things is a pretty good indication of toxic people, so beware if it comes up.

3

When people start talking about their religion, I kindly ask them to stop it because I find it inappropriate. If they continue, then I tell them that no matter what they believe, I don't agree with them. I am an Aetheist and don't care to spend time listening to their fairy tales. If that doesn't work, then I just walk away.

Good job....no delusion is appropriate chatter anywhere but psychiatric counseling or in organized delusional membership organizations....................... .it is TREASON for politicians to pretend the non-word "g o d" exists or should exist in our United States Constitution

3

I don't hide my atheism but I don't typically discuss it with anyone who isn't atheist or agnostic. I won't lie about it though. If someone asks I'll say I'm not religous and leave it at that unless they inquire further. I do wish I was around people who I was comfortable with telling that I'm athiest but I tend not to share personal things with most people unless it comes up naturally in conversation.

3

Idon't really tell people I don't believe. I don't tell people I don't believe in Santa Clause or the Easter bunny, either. It comes out when I talk about meeting my partner here on Agnostics.com. Nobody has confronted me, although one friend's sister stopped communicating on FB (not blocked, just not getting her posts anymore, which is okay since she loves, loves, loves how she looks in one particular pose and she takes numerous pictures a week!). I find more people look at me as if I had spewed fire or was eating a child. That doesn't bother me. No one's ever been violent or vocal. I even had one friend apologize every time she mentioned her God or Jesus as if that might offend me. If you can take some people avoiding you, some arguing with you, and still others interrogating you, just tell them. The worst that can happen is you lose a friend who believes in a god that, like Santa, is never seen, heard, or proven.

My partner has a cartoon on our front door that says, "I don't go to your house trying to convert you to atheism. Please give me the same courtesy." 😄

3

Can you find secular groups in your area? I can understand your fears - I fled an area that was Fundie controlled and fled to a large city. If you cannot leave, find online groups that understand. If you can get out, try to get out. I understand - I have been there.

SKH78 Level 8 Aug 10, 2019

Thank you. I will look for secular groups but I kind of live in the middle of nowhere. I live an hour from a city that I am positive will have something but the problem is whether or not I will be at school or at work when they meet.

3

I usually tell people one daughter is building the spaceship to the moon and the other is in Geneva where they discovered the God Particle. The thing is it is only called that because the director said we found the God Damn particle but the paper wouldn’t print it lol if you confuse them with science or the truth of their faith they walk away unwilling to argumentally try to prove why God is real

3

Don't ask don't tell

3

I have been a nonbeliever most of my life and was never one to advertise my non belief.I could not care less about keeping it to myself because I do not choose who I am friends with due to their belief or non belief .I have been friends with some people for years and do not even know if they believe in a god or not .

That’s the way I deal with it. I only discuss my atheism with friends who are also atheist and those are few and far between as the majority of my friends claim to be Christians.

3

I have been open about in the deep south. I never start with it but if someone tried to compel me to listen to their superstitions, then I just announce I am an atheist and will only discuss their religious beliefs if they are going to listen to my atheism. That stops it every time.
You will move on later anyway.

3

I've lived in several areas (States) throughout my life. I have always been around bible thumpers to some degree. Currenty, I live near a smallish town and they are pretty religious. For example, I go to a fast food joint or local eatery and people are actually praying before their meals, I overhear conversations about what was discussed at mass, bible study, etc. I'm kind of a loner in that I like time to think and work and get my own stuff done before I socialize. Having to go into this part of town, by myself, is like being in a weird version of "Children of the Corn" and "Stepford (Church) Wives" combined. LOL.
I'm not making fun at all but it's def a different world. I don't bring religion up, but I don't join in. I get looks for just "digging" into my food and not thanking some god for it. I also get looks for wearing my black, hard rock/metal shirts, and basically looking like a rocker chick. I don't, in any way, suggest not helping your family BUT...there comes a time where you have to help yourself too. Does your immediate family know your views?? Do they support you?? I ask because if they support your views then who cares what the rest of the town thinks. Just don't bring it up and don't participate. Like others have mentioned, you always have this site and other social media outlets. You're not alone and you'll always have someone to talk to.

A stranger in a strange land. Am I the alien or is everybody else?

I’m thankful I have this site. Unfortunately, my family does not know and would not support me if they did. It sucks to know that my family would pick a make belief god over their daughter. But, at the same time, I understand that they were indoctrinated just like the majority of us probably were. I just wish that I could be an open atheist and also still be seen as my mom’s daughter if that makes sense. I mean, once I’m out of college, I can choose where I live so it won’t be a big deal but it still stinks. Anyway, thank you so much for responding. I appreciate your advice!

3

Don't be afraid. It won't be as bad as you think.

I'm a volunteer at a free breakfast program sponsored by a Presbyterian church. Volunteers from anywhere are welcome but almost everyone has some religion of some kind. Before they open the doors and let the homeless in for a free breakfast, they form a prayer circle and try to telepathically communicate with their all-powerful invisible imaginary friend who lives in the sky.

At first I felt coerced into joining their circle. I was afraid of outing myself. But after feeling like a hypocrite, I quit joining the circle. To my surprise, nobody really cared and still treat me okay. I even wore my Atheist T-shirt to the program once. Ha ha ha. 😀 People need to know you can be good without a god.

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