My motto has always been, that I'll date someone if being with that person is more fun than being alone. That's a tall order, but I've met a few who enhanced my life experiences.

i like the person that i can be with and feel 110% comfortable without saying anything to.... not meaning no communication ....just that person who doesn't have to be entertained 100% of the time.... and NOT that person who thinks they have to say "you're quiet" after 30 seconds of non-verbal communication.

Find yourself a truck driver. I'm only home one weekend a month. You could have a relationship and have your own space.

I'm reminded of this quote a friend sent to me the other day. I'm starting to get to know someone after a very long time of not dating or being in a relationship and I'm still trying to feel out my boundaries, so this seemed very apropos (in regard to the "heavens" reference, I feel it in a non-religious sense):

“But let there be spaces in your togetherness
and let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
let it rather be a moving sea
between the shores of your souls.”
~ Kahlil Gibran

What I find interesting about relationships is that a little while after they end, I say to myself "What was I THINKING?" I just wish that insight would come while I was in the relationship.

My last one wa a doozy: a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic alcoholic with bipolar disorder. Hey, she was young, and she was pretty. She got a lot of mileage out of that.

She never let on that she had any problems with how I acted. And then she'd go outside and scream at no one, But really she was complaining about me. She'd work out her anger, and then come in and be all sweetness and light.

It died when, in front of me she walked out of the bathroom naked and propositioned my landlord. The next day, she couldn't understand why I was angry. Her response, which of course addressed all of the issues: "It's not like that."

So, yeah, being alone looks real good at this point.

I miss it too. I don't want smother or to be smothered. I do want a close, deep in love relationship, too. Most of us are not wired to be alone.

This is one aspect of a relationship that takes time to develop. Its kind of like breaking in a new pair of shoes. A little too tight at first, then one day you put them on and you forgot you are wearing them. Don't use it as a beginning requirement, make it a shared goal.

I hear you. I really value my alone time because I feel I have to be "on" and fully engaged with other people the larger percentage of the time.

But someone to share time with in a way that you said would be nice too.

Sorta the same..but I wish I did have something here to anchor me..(ie kids lol),

my alone time..I'm out in the woods..nobody for miles..me and my camera (I've had prospective dates with the same photography interest(more a learning interest),I'm unsure I want my alone time taken away though lol

Interdependence trumps co-dependence every time.

I totally agree with your quote, and also that finding that person is very difficult. To me, in a perfect relationship each partner will have activities In which he or she is interested, but also have activities in which both participate. A starting point could be to look for clubs or organizations that sponsor activities in which you're interested, for example bicycling.

I understand that finding activities can be a challenge, but also that you may find unexpected resources. For example, because I have "an over 50" checking account with my bank, I was automatically enrolled in their "Over 50" club. Once a month, I receive an invitation for a group activity such as a bus trip to attend the play in St. Louis. I hope you find that special person.

Why would anyone want a relationship that would make them feel “...the way you do when you are alone?” LOL That seems like an oxymoron to me. A relationship such as that would seem to have no purpose. I view relationships as a journey of growth and insight. I am a subjective observer of my own being. If I want to stay in my own subjective reality, then why would I be seeking a relationship? Granted, depending upon the type of relationship, another’s view of my self doesn’t provide objectivity. However, it does provide an alternative subjective view, which partners in a relationship can use to better understand themselves and each other. No, I wouldn’t want a relationship in which I felt the same as if I was alone. That would be depressing. I want a relationship that makes me feel “more than” I feel alone. A life without another has no purpose.

Oh for that person who's there for me when I need them, but who'll leave me alone when I don't. I think it's impossible to find the exact balance, because they have needs too, and they won't always align with yours. So holding out for the perfect fit is a recipe for growing old alone, with 18 cats. Cats are good at showing affection when you need it, but leaving you alone when you don't.

The nearest I came to finding it was my last long-ish term ex (over 12 months together.) We'd spend a couple of weekends together every month, and text or phone every day. A balance that was just about spot on for me.

Unfortunately, he was leading a double life. Not cheating on anyone, but presenting to most friends, family and colleagues as heterosexual. I was his dirty little secret, that most people weren't allowed to know about. In over a year together, I never met any of these people, but I found myself being put on hold for several weeks (nearly 3 months at one point) at a time, because they took priority.

I htink we all miss it, all want it, but I can't see it for me. I would not say no if the "right" person appeared.

Iagre and think a frind with benefits is as close as it can get to that really at least for a good while if not always. Idont mean just for sex, far from it but for the independance it gives you both. Istill think there should be serious ground rules from the start that you don't break what ever they might be too. Ialways got on best with woman when Iwas dating who still lived in another house.

Never give up, neither settle for less of what you desire. It is a lifelong quest. Your Starmate is a Real Posibility.

It is about liking each other for who you are, not who you could be with a little tweaking.

I think the idea is to be able to be comfortable and just yourself as esily with someoen else as you are when you are alone.

If you hae to be different when you are with someone, then the more different you have to be, the less happiness with tht person that you will experience.

We all miss it. Relationships take give and take. Sometimes it is hard to find.

I get it. I'm glad I love my life. I doubt a man like me, or that compliments me, is it my future.
Some of the small things I miss like coffee on the deck in the mornings or evenings with laughter and intelligent conversations can be fulfilled by friends. Walks in the woods with my dogs. Not the same but enjoyable.

I get everything that the OP means here. I try to have that kind of relationship but I'm afraid that my ex took it that I'm not that much into her. WTF? It's OK for both of you to be your own people and have your own interests. If I'm at home and completely ignored by you I feel so great knowing that you are there with me but doing your own thing. We might have our interactions but we do not have to be glued at the hip. Each partner should have their alone time even if you are so obviosly together.

Am single emphasize and concur

Like that quote. Thanks.

I couldn't agree more. It seems to be a very elusive balance.