You son of a bitch! You think you're going to be a clown huh! I'll make you one permanently!

Uncle Toby lunged at me barely missing my face.

Dr. Kliner folded his glasses on the table and leaned back in his chair. The laboratory has been quiet these last few days. The General had been pleased with the success in developing artificial memories.

"Well, seeing as you all took that so well, I have another anouncement to make!"

Dad groaned from the floor, "I don't know if my poor old heart can take it!" Mom just started choking on her potatoes. Uncle Toby was still nowhere to be seen. Nancy and Terry looked up, still laughing, and said, "What, are you a gay virgin or something?"

"Well, funny you should ask that..." I stopped and trailed off in horror. I finally saw Uncle Toby. He was coming from the kitchen carrying a knife.

Yet we all know, money is not everything. And we also must know that some apparently simple things can be so.... complicated.

Complicated, yes, because if i begin making announcements this is not the only one that needs to be made. I must also announce that not only that i'm a real, professional, well-paid clown, but that i'm still a virgin, and that i'm actually gay.

I think, on this occasion, i should just announce my clownhood, and nothing else. That is if i want both my loving parents to continue to live their lives.

But- what about mine? What about my life? Still secret, underground, hidden, shameful. Aaaaghhh!!!

So, I stood up from my spot at the table, straightened my face into seriousness, and said, "Mom. Dad. Uncle Toby, Terry, and Nancy, I have an announcement."

All eyes were on me and I felt those nerves reaching out their little nervy fingers and puckering my every orifice. Oh, crap, I thought, am I going to be able to do this? About that time the twitching in my right eye began. I had to get it done before I became a helpless, convulsing mass of flesh under the table.

"I'm ... I'm a frickin' clown," I said with more than a little quaver in my voice. "Do you understand? I'm a goddam clown."

Dad toppled backward in his chair, both hands clasped over his heart. Mom sat with her mouth hanging open, a bit of mashed potato dripping gravy stuck on the end of a fork hovered just outside her lips. Uncle Toby mumbled something unintelligible. Terry and Nancy laughed uncontrollably.

Today, they're going to find out that secretly i have been a clown all my life. I studied be a clown at Whatza Mata U. and i finally got my masters. Im really excited about this and I'm wanting to go all the way to the top. So Im writing my thesis on the history of clowns that became president, followed up with a paper. The clowness that just missed the mark by being hacked by Russia.