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Saying "You're too fat" is rude. "You're too thin" is okay?

"You're too thin," the man who sharpened my sewing shears said today. I had just come from the gym where a man said, "You look great." Whiplash.

Too thin for what? His sexual preference? I'm a great hiker.

"I'm trying to gain more muscle," I replied resignedly. Have heard this my entire life.

I have a classic Ectomorph body type: fast metabolism, hyperactive, narrow frame, low body fat, small chest, gets full easily, hard gainer (muscle and weight). I like my little body.

"You eat a lot when you're hiking," Karen said this week. "I burn a lot of calories hiking," I replied. Inner eye roll.

I would never say, "You're too fat." He complained that he needs to lose weight each time I saw him.

Photos:

  1. Age 24.

  2. Age 65.

LiterateHiker 9 Aug 31
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33 comments

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13

Dear everyone,

Stop commenting on women’s bodies!

Kindly fuck off,
Women

@Brainyactress

Love your reply. You are the best!

6

You look fantastic.

But, it doesn't matter what I or anyone else thinks. You're you, and this is what your body type looks like when it's fit.

I don't believe "you're too thin" even deserves an explanation that you're trying to put on some muscle.

You can reply with, "Oh? What do you know about being thin... Were you ever fit at some point?"

This is not the first time you've shared about men saying this to you. Tell them to go bounce some pennies off their 1-pack abs.

5

So I work with the public at an amusement park and I've dealt face to face and on the phone with thousands of people.
Last night, a fellow worker came to me and said several girls were commenting on how pretty I was. It was a nice compliment. My head wasn't turned or anything. I simply replied, "awww, that was nice!" and continued with my day.
A few hours later, a child I was helping looked at me and said, "you look really old".....I paused, a little taken aback at her candor and replied, laughing, "well you look very young!" And I laughed that one off too.
Bottom line, don't take yourself too seriously.

5

I think commenting on other people's looks is a bit over the line , especially to strangers. Not their business.

4

Sounds like sour grapes. You're in no way "too" skinny, like a person with an eating disorder or something. There are plenty of people who would kill to be able to maintain your slender look -- but apparently not many willing to admit it. I say, enjoy your body and let them eat their hearts out.

My mother oscillated between pleasingly plump and obese throughout her life and I never judged her for it or particularly even registered it; that's how I grew up. This seems to have extended itself to "skinny" people also. I don't get hung up on the body; it's just packaging. I'm interested in that chunk of meat in between the two ears. Sure, someone who is a walking skeleton on the one hand or who is so big you can't get your arms around them would be a practical problem, but those people usually have other disqualifying problems anyway.

As for myself, I had an average frame, gradually blimped up into obese territory, and have hovered about 15 to 20 pounds over my ideal weight now for a couple of decades. I never liked how people treated me subtly different when I was heavy, any more than you like how they treat you. In fact my anger at realizing how much BETTER they treated me after I got close to normal weight, provided the motivation to keep myself that way. It also taught me not to trust the genuineness or depth of most people's praise.

4

The random guy who is sharpening your scissors had a comment about your body? Totally inappropriate!

4

get rid of your egos and none of it will matter. Leggo your ego.

@JeffMesser

Are you calling me egotistical (indifferent to the well being of others; selfish)?

That's mean.

@LiterateHiker I think he's just saying get rid of your ego and this wouldn't be an issue. Nothing mean about that, unless you have a big ego and perceive it that way.

@nastynifty

Nasty,

I am sick of being criticized and ridiculed for being "too skinny." This has been happening my entire life.

It's a huge "not good enough" message.

"I want a woman who is fit like you but has bigger breasts and hips," John, the man I dated in 2014 said. "Ouch," I replied. "That was mean."

Are you saying it's my problem that people are rude?

@LiterateHiker nothing personal. getting rid of one's ego is the first step to stopping suffering. vanity and concerns about perceptions are such illusory, temporary concerns. why further burden yourself in life? don't rely on such temporary, transitional things for your pleasures and satisfactions. seek truth.

Who cares what people say. Not your problem, and certainly if you don't care about withholding an ego, you just won't care about this petty stuff.

4

No, it’s not ok. People think it’s ok because fat =bad and thin = good. But It’s not ok to comment on another person’s body ever.

4

I play it safe and refrain from commenting on a person’s appearance, unless I’m pretty certain my comment will be viewed as a compliment.

4

Hiking is doing you well ! 🙂

3

It's not appropriate to say it about anyone's size. If anyone says something to me, I look at them right in the eye and say, "I don't appreciate comments like that. It's not your place to say that."

3

In tribute to you it appears you have changed very little over the years. You look nice and also healthy.

@DenoPenno

Thank you.

@LiterateHiker You are very welcome. 🙂

2

Neither is appropriate but sometimes I really wish when they're blocking the aisle at a grocery store, department store, gas station or wherever that I can ask them to get there fat f** asses out of the way.

2

You're very fortunate. I used to be too thin (not manly enough) and now I'm overweight (not manly enough). One thing I've never been is: sexy.

I think you're stunning, and I think you know it.

2

If your body has not changed much in four decades or more, you're lucky, as am I. Appetite matches metabolism, which seems as much dumb luck as anything else. Not everyone understands that.

You likely are active and eat a diet low or at least lower than is common, in refined carbohydrates. Since the 1970's in the US and the advent of the food pyramid and high fructose corn syrup, the obesity epidemic has exploded.

2

I lived with an anerexic / bulimic/ alcholic in my early 20s She was a model. She had also been raped. All of her problems stemmed from the rape. One thing I learned it's no one business but that person. you don't know the back story. People never help with these types of comments ever. In variably, I have gotten the question, do I look fat? I replied it's no ones business but yours... if your happy that's good....

2

My daughters have inherited me ..and my dad’s ‘frame.’ Much like yours … and they long ago became sick & tired of hearing ‘the same.’ One wrote a college paper on ‘healthy shaming,’ as opposed to the fat stuff that get’s it’s own music videos..

Had a tall thin girl in HS become the hit of our reunion ..a decade ago. The morbid obesity of our returning girls was ..hideous. Tried not to stare at the time, but when sent the class photo …wow.

You’re just right - healthy! Pride myself on the same, daughters too. We’ll live forever 😉

Varn Level 8 Sep 1, 2019
2

To some... The "You're too thin" remark might be considered a compliment as it is the opposite of "You're fat!" I have seen this supposition before.

You aren't too thin... You are what I would consider to be "lithe." Now if that ain't a compliment, I don't know what is.

You look better at 65 than most women do at 35!

@RiverRick

Love "lithe." Thanks for that. Add "svelte" to the list.

"Skinny," "scrawny," "bony" and "gaunt" are insults. I've heard it all, especially from heavy women.

@LiterateHiker What'd I say? Sour grapes.

It's a real test of character whether someone can be genuinely happy for someone who has something they don't. Many fail this test. Let them. Thank them for showing their hand.

2

how is your weight anyone's business anyway? if he's not your a doctor or a loved one concerned for your health, it's none of his business.

g

1

you look a stunningly cute babe at 24 and after 40 years - plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose

1

I don't know if I buy into the ectomorph/endomorph/mesomorph scale.... I used to think I was ectomorph then some lifestyle change caused weight gain... I wonder if you were unable to hike if you'd have a different body type as well? >.>

[en.wikipedia.org]

But he shouldn't have said that... very unprofessional... I think he deserves a bad online review for his business or his boss contacted or some punishment. fcker

1

You look great!

1

Don't know what his problem was you are great 👍

1

Lean is good. Lean and fit is better. Lean and fit and smart is best. You seem to be 3-for-3.

This past summer I met a woman at a party. She was uncommonly fit, lean, muscled, tan. As a conversation starter, I asked her "What kind of athlete are you?" She took it as a compliment. Turns out she is a bicyclist and hard-core, serious rock climber.

1

Rude. Who asked for his opinion on something so personal? Has he not heard of the maxim "if you can't say something nice, say nothing"? Me, I think you look fantastic, I really do and I wouldn't normally say that but for you seeming defensive about your weight.

@skarpa

Since childhood, I have been ridiculed for being "too skinny."

In 7th grade accelerated science class (these guys were supposed to be smart), boys sang loudly when I entered the class every single day:

"She's a carpenter's dream... flat as a board!"

"She's a pirate's dream... a sunken chest!"

They collapsed with laughter. That's when I developed dignity. Back straight, shoulders back, head high, I icily ignored them, visualizing a trap door swallowing them up.

"You were the prettiest girl in high school," they moaned, dancing with me at our 10-year high school reunion in Michigan. "How come you never dated any of us?"

"I had an older, more mature boyfriend," I replied and smiled.

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