The simple act of extending a helping hand
In 44 years of hiking, men have consistently failed to extend a helping hand in difficult places. Without a backward glance, guys stride over slippery logs suspended over sharp rocks and a lively creek, disappearing into the woods. Leaving me dithering on the bank. Slippery logs over rushing water are my nemesis.
In the middle of the log, I freeze with a panic attack, trembling, dizzy and afraid to take another step. Carefully, I drop down to hands and feet- with the pack throwing off my balance- and crawl across like a baby bear. I have never fallen in and always get across.
My favorite hiking partner, Karen, often comes back to help me. Karen is a wonderful person. She is the only person who ever helped when I feel scared.
Imagine my surprise yesterday when the new man I’m dating repeatedly extended his hand to help me safely across dangerous spots. Wow. Dave is an expert rock climber who pioneered hundreds of routes in the Cascade Mountains, Tetons and more.
We were scrambling down a long, steep bank to Icicle River to meet his 22-year-old twin sons and their friends. Previously, a large fallen tree trunk had served as a handhold. But last month, a pounding rainstorm and flash floods swept the log away.
Loose dirt made smooth granite boulders extremely slippery. “I’m going to bring a broom and sweep dirt off the boulders,” Dave said. I was wearing worn-out running shoes from my car with lousy traction.
We were on a high cliff above the river. Dave and his sons jumped into the ice-cold river.
On the way back, I couldn’t climb up the first giant boulder. It was higher than my head. Although I tried, I couldn’t lift my foot shoulder height to the only shallow foothold, and push my body up. Dave went up the boulder like a spider. He quickly returned to help me.
“I’m going to put my hands under your butt and lift you up,” he said. He pushed me up and I crawled atop the boulder. The next one was also impossible for me to climb. Dave climbed it. Leaning down, he grasped under my arms and lifted me up, setting me beside him on my feet. From there, I could go under my own power.
I was amazed by his strength and kindness.
Afterward, I felt ashamed of my inability to climb the two boulders. I’m used to being independent.
“If you hadn’t helped me, I don’t know how I would have gotten out,” I told Dave.
“The six boys would have lifted you over their heads like a crowd-surfer at a rock concert and carried you up the hill in style,” he replied, smiling.
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22 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Sounds like a keeper !
I retired after 42 years, 9 months , and three days with a government agency . I had been with them for some twenty or so years , and had transferred into a new group a year or so , when , while talking with a male co worker , we approached the door to our office . I was amazed when he not only opened the door , but held it for me as well . And as I passed through , he says to me , "See , this is why men get paid more than women do ." I felt I owed him a right to the jaw for that statement , but , instead simply replied with the truth . I've held the door for a number of male co workers , just being polite , so if this one politeness , is the justification for our difference in salaries , then the government owes me big time .
Cast1es
Level 9
Sep 2, 2019
3
You have a really fucked up relationship with men, but over all your posts are highly entertaining. 5/5 would recommend, though I'm glad younger generations will have better stories to tell.
MarkiusMahamius
Level 7
Sep 2, 2019
4
"You have a really fucked up relationship with men."
That's mean. Stop blaming me for men's inconsiderate behavior.
WTF? What rock did you emerge from, or not? Crawl back under it. LH, please ignore this cretin.
Gorgeous pictures!
GreatNani
Level 8
Sep 2, 2019
2
Are you talking about my pictures of creeks we had to cross, below?
@LiterateHiker yes. Very beautiful.
If it causes you panic attacks, I am confused why you insist on crossing logs. 
Does one HAVE TO cross a log to go hiking?? Are there not trails that do not have logs to cross over?
You can consider doing with logs what I do with bugs... tell someone to help ya! I either have the bug killer heroes or the fools that refuse to kill anything when I ask. I think your mileage will be better and almost all you ask for help will offer it. 
Good luck
demifeministgal
Level 8
Sep 2, 2019
2
Obviously, you have not hiked in the mountains very much. Often creeks cross the trail many times. Some you can jump across, depending on the snow level and time of year.
Other creek crossings are huge, especially with Spring runoff. Sometimes the bridge is washed out.
We need creeks and lakes for water while hiking.
I'm not going to be the only person to chicken out and turn back.
@LiterateHiker you are right. I do not hike and make no qualms to hide that fact. 
I think it is okay to ask for help in light of our phobias or anxieties... ain't no shame in being human and needing help SOMETIMES.
Wait, why does it have to be a man helping a woman? Sounds like the fantasy of your night in shining armor here to rescue the damsel in distress. Lol! I know you are not that helpless, you are certainly more fit than I. Seems like you are living the fantasy. Win win for both I guess...
CaroleKay
Level 8
Sep 2, 2019
2
Probably the guy is taller and stronger, that's all. She's clearly no damsel in distress.
Hey I'm a gimp, I'd probably need a cane and help anyway. From anybody lol! And I probably would have fallen several times!
I was always taught growing up that you assist a woman with something strenuous. Several years ago I was in Arizona hiking with a woman who was an avid hiker/rock climber. I had climbed a difficult boulder and turned around to offer her a hand. She looked at me like I had spit in her face. I got out of her way and she scaled the boulder like it was level ground. I didn't offer her any more help unless she asked for it (she never did). I'm still in the habit of offering a hand though. I wouldn't feel right not doing it.
Eazyduzzit
Level 7
Sep 2, 2019
1
Now there is a woman a guy can respect. I have always said that I wanted a woman who you didn't dare leave behind to "guard the prisoners", because you know she would kill them. Strong women are great...just too few of them.
Sounds like a great guy who also shares one of your favorite activities!
A2Jennifer
Level 8
Sep 2, 2019
1
Is this the guy whose picture you posted the other day - comparing his older, and recent photos ?
evergreen
Level 8
Sep 2, 2019
1
Yes. That's Dave. He looks better than his photos.
@LiterateHiker excellent !
@LiterateHiker Yeah..."looks" are very important to you.
It sounds like it's good you gave him a second chance, after the photo scandal. 
Glad he seems to be a good guy.
APaleBlueDot
Level 7
Sep 2, 2019
1
I always help women I hike with. Not only over logs but also holding branches when hiking through woods. (I do that for everyone I hike with actually.) The last thing you want is a branch smacking you in the face because you are following someone in the woods.
Stay away from slippery logs. Perhaps you should pack some whippets next time!
RiverRick
Level 7
Sep 2, 2019
1
@RickRiver
I also help people all the time while hiking.
What do you mean by "whippet"? Dogs?
@LiterateHiker You've led such a sheltered life. N2O canisters you can buy off of Amazon. You dispense them into balloons and inhale! Probably not as good as the dentist but close!
Happy you had such a great time and that he did help you,,that is so common were i live helping one another ,givng a helping hand when Males helping females and vs a versa at times,,But if the women is knew to you it is best to ask ,as sometimes they get offended if you do not as they want to be self sufficent and do it by them selves,,which is all right ,but needs to be communicated ahead of time but then again both parties can still ask the other for assitance when required as a courtesy with nothing expected in return ,It is all just part of the fun and hike,,Happy you had a great time,,sounds like he has a great attitude
RoyMillar
Level 9
Sep 2, 2019
1
My take aways from this narrative...
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This hike was Dave's Machiavellian scheme to grab your butt!
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You use an interesting technique in the log paragraph, to break up details and force the reader to pause, that I haven't seen before. Placing a dash immediately after a word- without a space.
AndrewInVail
Level 6
Sep 2, 2019
1
"What was your favorite part of our time together today?" I asked Dave.
"Grabbing your butt," he replied. I laughed.
Your post begs the question, if you are in such good shape, why do you need (and seemingly expect) a man's help in negotiating hiking obstacles? Why are you putting yourself in the posistion of the "weaker sex". Is it some coy ruse to win a mate? Much of what you have posted is contradictory for a self-assured, confident women. Why so weak and needful?
dahermit
Level 7
Sep 3, 2019
0
Don't be rude. Calling me weak and needful is mean. It's not a coy ruse to ask for help. I'm a small woman.
Sometimes I need a hand to jump across a gap in rocks. My legs are not as long as a man's. If I miss, I'll fall 1,000 feet and be injured or killed. Or help up a smooth boulder higher than my head with no hand holds.
Obviously, you have never hiked steep trails in rugged mountains. Hiking trails have dangerous sections. For safety, we help each other.
@LiterateHiker What do the men do who are slightly built? I guess you are not "I am woman, hear me roar".
If hiking in the mountains is so dangerous, why do you do it if you need a man's help. Don't men have something better to do than tend to your perceived needs?
As for me hiking is such places, no...I was never that foolish to go anyplace where I would need help from passers by.
It's not safe to hike alone. What if you get hurt or lost? You need someone to provide first aid or go for help.
There's no shame in asking for help. I extend my pole to help Karen up after she scrambled down a steep slope to photograph a wildflower.
Hiking is a team effort.
"Don't slog in the bog. Get high in a hurry." has been my hiking motto since age 21.
We hike steep trails for mountain views. With increased steepness comes more danger.
Experience and fitness are needed to: know what equipment, food and clothing to pack, safely hike steep, hazardous trails, pace yourself and prevent falls and injuries.
At my level, hikers are strong, self-assured and independent. We are good at quick decision-making and rapidly evaluating hazards with every step. For example, in an extremely steep, snowy descent, choosing whether to glissade or plunge-step, and using an ice axe and/or crampons makes the difference between hiking safely, or getting injured or killed.
@LiterateHiker It sounds like you take on hikes that you are not qualified to take on. "Team effort" is making excuses. How many men do you see that need help. In short, you exaggerate your own capabilities, take on more than you can handle and "expect" men to "save" you under the social guise of "courtesy". News for you: Dependent women such as yourself are annoying to men who are smart enough to recognize your game.
@LiterateHiker "Hiking is a team effort." No it is not...it is a solitary sport that you wish to re-define into a social activity wherein you expect men to jump to your aid despite the fact that THEY have chosen a solitary sport. You are purposely creating a situation where YOU are invading their privacy with your lack of capability and dependency. Evidently you find your view of what hiking is more important then that of those men who are also unfortunate enough to share the trail with you. In essence, you belong on the "bunny hill", not the trails intended for the apt...save your socializing for the fireside bar in the clubhouse. Not all men wish to deal with a needy emotional person who must constantly be attended to.
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